Surrendering

Photo source: The Herald Sun (online)

Body Corporate intend to put a lock on the area beneath each house in this compound, which really bothers me. That section behind the garage may mostly be a pile of rubble but we've made good use of whatever space there is. It's not losing storage room that is the main issue though. 

While it will be inconvenient without access to that space to free our garage a little, what upsets me is the invasion of privacy. I don't appreciate that they're able to enter a piece of property owned by someone else and dictate what can and cannot be done. 

We've lived here for more than three years and this estate has been in existence for at least fifteen so why change the rules now? What is the reason for cutting us off from a portion of our own home? Perhaps it would be different if we were merely renting but does that section not belong to us as well since we bought the place? I can accept the high Body Corporate fees given the level of maintenance witnessed but this new motion seems ridiculous. 

Fab told me about the notice as we were going to bed around one in the morning. The matter played on my mind and made it difficult to fall asleep. It didn't help I kept thinking about work as well. Work has been in my dreams fairly frequently amongst other nagging thoughts. 

I want to be convinced this isn't a big deal and just let it go. What concerns me is the possibility of this being the beginning of further impositions. If they can legally enter our home and cordon off an area of it, what else are they entitled to do? Why won't my brain stop over analysing the situation? This personal trait of mulling is such a burdensome habit. For the life of me, I can't fine the "off" button though. Did someone steal the remote?  

There are a number of other worries I want be able to surrender as well. Health, safety, and self esteem to name top ones. I've collected a storehouse of junk-like thoughts detrimental to my well-being. In particular, my spiritual state. A little cobweb appears in the corner of my mind and I quickly sweep it under the rugs before anyone realises something is wrong. The problem with that is one can only hide things beneath a carpet or behind the curtains for so long. The 'uglies' eventually start to show. I'm even starting to think the almost constant negativity is prolonging my physical ailments. 

Could it be God is using the issue of our reduced storage area to teach me about letting Him sort through what I've held hidden in my head and heart for so long?

If Body Corporate succeeds in locking us out of that room, we'll have to sift through the items that have been sitting away from plain sight. I suppose we can toss out the abundance of empty boxes kept in case we move and want to return our possessions to their packaging for easier transportation. Friends who have been borrowing the space as a holding ground will need to reclaim their belongings or give the green light to have them brought to the tipping centre. All in all, there will surely be a big cleaning out and streamlining of what is truly necessary for keeping.

There are areas of my life that God has not been able to do a proper cleaning of because I refuse to allow Him that freedom. In the same way I am resistant to Body Corporate, I have been resistant towards God. I have tried very hard to maintain control over everything, realising the more I have attempted to do so that I am incapable of this feat. Losing control scares me.

It's a struggle to trust God completely because unless I fully understand His intentions, there will always be a level of reservation. I know God has been good to me. I have experienced His goodness. Nevertheless, there are too many weighty questions that leave me hesitant and fearful. Sadly, with keeping God at arm's length, my conscience has become numb to some degree, which has permitted sin like anger and pride to dwell.

I recall being told to be rid of offence as it prevents us from having intimacy with God and receiving peace and hope. But despite having days where I can thank God and be joyful, the burning questions never fail to haunt again. How am I to perceive God as more important than the answers when the questions are about His intentions?

Someone once said, when praying for me, that God was going to place me in His heart (metaphorically speaking) so I could see and understand Him and His reasons for doing what He does. That God was going to give me a view into how He works by giving visions and insight. This has yet to happen and sometimes I wonder if it ever will.

Maybe my frustration and hurt is preventing God from doing anything. It would be similar to not letting Body Corporate enter our home. Perhaps God just wants to come in and block off the places that bring me harm, to ensure I cannot fall and get trapped amongst the rubble of negativity and sin. Picture a locked door with a sign saying, "Don't revisit (the past, the hurt, the temptations...)"

I need God's peace, that much I know. Whether there is a reasonable explanation for what is to take place in our residential community, there are deeper issues within my own life that need addressing. And unless I find a way to surrender my thoughts, desires and fears to God, I won't have arms free to receive His gift of serenity.

Monday Update: According to the notice, Body Corporate is claiming that undeveloped segment as "common property", and have instructed it to be void of personal belongings and reserved solely for the purpose of inspections.  

Should we contest this? Question their definition of the term "common property" considering no one can use that area since it's contained under our home? I'd rather do away with the fuss even though it would certainly be handy to have extra storage room. I just dislike the feeling of having someone encroach on what I've established to be personal space. I hate confrontation. I fear the backlash. But feeling like this also makes me quietly resentful and it's pointless to become bitter over something as seemingly petty as this. 

What would Jesus do?