11 months and counting

Can't believe Fab and I have already been married for 11 months! Where has the year gone? He's been an incredibly sweet, supportive and patient husband...God, You have truly blessed me with someone so wonderful and loving. Thank You for Fab.

And Fab, thank you for being so easy to live with that neither of us has had to go through any adjustments. Marrying you has been such a natural and comfortable progression I realise. You're the best room-mate ever! I hate sleeping in our bed alone. It's big and cold without you.

Thank you for listening to me each time I pour out my feelings about things I am going through and for trying hard to understand and be there for me. T

hank you for being my bestest friend in the whole wide world! We have so much fun laughing in the car even though we hate sitting in traffic for our long commutes to and from work. I treasure those times simply because they are with you, and not because of those banga drivers who sometimes attempt to kill us when they're not paying attention. You're the best companion I could have ever asked for. You even put up with my nonsense and always look after me though I get sick really frequently. I love all the things we share, all our common interests and the fact that we know each other so well that it amuses us (like the sloth).

I love you...

My God, My Comfort

Your Word says in Isaiah 41, "I took you from the ends of the earth, from its farthest corners I called you. I said, 'You are my servant'; I have chosen you and have not rejected you. So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand" and in Psalm 91 You promise to save and deliver those who love you and call upon Your name.

Some months ago, someone I know had the special opportunity of meeting a lady who lived through the Holocaust. She was probably in her early teens at that time and lost her family to the Nazi soldiers who tortured her loved ones to death. She herself narrowly escaped yet she eventually lost faith in God after experiencing the terror and grief those tormenting times brought. She had cried out desperately to God for protection over her family and community. Every day and night she presented her tear stained prayers in hope of His deliverance but it did not come for others who were with her. Had she not loved God enough? Had she taken Him for granted until the point she needed Him? Were her prayers for her family and people not acceptable to God? Had they walked away from Him so long that they had reached the point of no return and were beyond His grace and salvation? These are questions I ponder over when I hear stories like that lady's. I wonder why God did not deliver her whole family. Why He did not deliver the people He called His own.

I know from reading His Word that His chosen ones had succumbed many times to idol worship and lived in great sin. They followed God for a season, only to be quickly dissatisfied. With their discontentment came grumbling and rebellion. As a result, they faced consequences for their choices, for their worldly, self centred priorities and shallow values. But God's heart was always for them. He never stopped desiring that they would return to Him, to their Father, whose plans were to prosper them and give them a purposeful future. In His love, grace and mercy, He took them back over and over again and restored them. He encouraged them and challenged them to change for the better, to grow and mature in their thinking, character, and in how they treated their relationship with Him and how they lived out their faith. This is the same thing God does with me. Have I been playing with the boundaries the way they often did? Do I take Him for granted and neglect my relationship with Him and only go to Him when I am in dire straits? Do I treat Him as a vending machine or Santa Claus and beret Him when things do not go as I please? Do I have a reverent fear of God or blame Him for the horrors of this society like rape, torture and the sex trade? Have I taken responsibility for my own sin? Do I let God be God over every area of my life?

When Job questioned God about his suffering, God gently asked Job if he was there when God created the universe. He asked if Job could fathom the mysteries of God, the depth of God's understanding and thinking. I cannot fathom why a loving God would not just jump in and intervene every time a little girl was about to get beaten or raped. In fact there are so many different things I cannot comprehend. But that's because I'm not God. Just as Job was not God. And my level of faith, obedience and righteousness does not rank anywhere close to that of Job's. He's in a completely different league in terms of His walk with God. When God says His ways and thoughts are higher and nothing like ours, He's not kidding. There are a great number of things that do not make an ounce of sense to me but I know God has been good and faithful to my family for generations. If our lives had always been wrought with disease and trauma and terrible things, perhaps I would think that there is some form of justification for me questioning God. But the fact is my life has been incredibly blessed. So why do I doubt? Why do I let circumstances that are beyond my ability to fully grasp (because I cannot see or know everything unlike God who is the Alpha and Omega) influence my faith in the God I have come to know and experience? Why am I waiting for the day He will turn to me and say, "It's your turn now to be raped and tortured for my name sake. Consider the persecution a joy as it will teach you perseverance and shape your character?" Do I honestly secretly think God is sadistic like that? What an audacious notion! And yet I entertain such irrational thinking and fears.

I need to go back to the truth and the truth is His Word and His Word never fails or fades. It is there for eternity. It reflects who He is and how He perceives me and my existence and destiny. It is filled with hope and love and encouragement. Every warning is said in love that we will not fall away and so land ourselves in utter destruction. Every story is there as a demonstration of the life He desires for us or as a lesson that we will not commit the same mistakes. Oh God, I want to believe Your Word with all my heart, mind and soul. I do not want to judge You by my limited understanding and by the pain I see in the world or even in the Bible. I want to see Your heart behind every principle and every record of history. I want to seek Your face and fall more in love with You every single day of my life. I don't want to fear that You will allow me to be hurt and so build a wall so You cannot come near to me. I want to draw close and rest in You. I want to bring Your rest to those who are hurting. Father, I pray that You will enable me to bring Your strength and peace to them.

i ♥

From 'Nesting Place'

Was just thinking that I want to stop putting off getting creative with our home as it may just be the release I need in the daily grind of activities for work and church and house chores and whatever else have you in between. Looked at a couple of pictures and thought I might start with our bedroom. Would love to get a head board (actually would love to get our walls painted but I can live without that being done. A head board will certainly suffice), new linen (something white, fresh, almost country looking), some throw cushions, maybe wicker baskets to put books in or something...I just want to create a more cosy, homely and romantic feel. I keep hesitating because of the cost involved as well but it is somewhat an investment. I mean I will be using these things for a long time. 

I was just deliberating over my wants again when I came across this article "More Than Enough". I admit I am easily satisfied yet easily discontented as well. I am an idealist and a perfectionist and can be rather critical of myself and others. There are some things that just don't bother me or I am willing to overlook but other little things that crawl under my skin for some strange reason. Anyway, in essence, I realise that I have yet to make God my everything. To really be convicted of the fact that He is more than enough for me and everything else is a major bonus. He has blessed me tremendously and continues to do so. I need to learn to be fulfilled in Him and stop thinking about that dress I saw the other day or the ridiculously priced lounge set at Freedom Furniture or even the vase I spotted at a friend's house.

Like grass in the fire

Matthew 24:35 "Heaven and earth will pass away, but my words will never pass away"

Just remembered that God brought me to this verse on Saturday morning during our recent Church Conference. I felt Him say to me, "Things in this world are like grass, here today and gone tomorrow. Growing one day, used for the fire the next. But my Word lasts forever. It stands even after everything has faded and is gone from sight. Do not neglect my Word. Do not trivialise it or discard it. Have it take root in your heart such that you know it full well and are able to live it out".

Casting Crowns wrote a song titled "Who Am I?" and the chorus goes like this: "I am a flower quickly fading, here today and gone tomorrow, a wave tossed in the ocean, a vapour in the wind. Still You hear me when I'm calling, Lord You catch me when I'm falling, and You show me who I am. I am Yours". We too are here on earth for a limited period of time. Often we are fickle and move from one soul-pleasing, self-gratifying object or person of desire to another. But what is the point of pursuing things that do not fulfil a purpose that has a good eternal impact. We need to be grounded in what will be there for the long haul (like forever long) after the earth has passed away.

Prepare for Rain

Isaiah 12:4 "In that day you will say: "Give thanks to the LORD, call on His name; make known among the nations what He has done, and proclaim that His name is exalted"

It's time to get ready for God's blessings. He is the giver of all good things. It's time to prepare myself to receive what God desires to pour out so that I may in turn be a blessing to others. When God blesses, we need to be ready to receive and not belittle how much He can do. We should also not insult Him by demanding that the blessings be given in a certain form (for example, "God, I want you to give me a million dollars otherwise I will not be happy with You). It is entirely up to Him to decide for He knows what is needed and what is best - what will ultimately serve His good, perfect and pleasing sovereign will and so bless the kingdom. We are currently preparing for a missions trip to Newcastle. Perhaps one of the blessings I can hope for would be to see people come to know the Lord for themselves and be healed from past hurts. I'll be praying for that anyway.

Fab and I watched "Facing the Giants" for the second time on Saturday when friends came over for a 'Dinner and DVD' get-together. I know the show has received critiques for unprofessional acting but the story line is heartwarming. The thing is, it's not just a feel-good show. It centres on godly principles and so demonstrates strong moral values and a simple faith. I recommend it. If Hollywood dropped an "L", which to me stands for "Lust", the backbone of many of their films, they'd be "Holywood", and I imagine then we would be seeing healthy films such as "Facing the Giants". Films that teach real family values and ways in which we should be relating and communicating with one another. A film that raises your hopes and makes you believe that when we place our trust in the One who has formed us in love, all things are possible. When I first saw it, I thought to myself, "this is pretty unrealistic. People do not speak like that when they're frustrated. I can just hear teenagers today calling the film producer and the actors "retarded freaks". Is this film relevant today?" BUT why shouldn't this become a reality across society today? Is this not what God calls us to? A life at a higher standard. Not settling for self centredness, aggression and vulgar language. Since when was compromise 'cool'? Why should it be?

A little story was shared by one of the characters in the show. A story that holds much truth and is applicable to all of us. It goes like this...there were two farmers. Both were struggling as their crops had not been thriving due to the long season of drought. Both prayed to God for rain but only one went out and prepared his fields to receive the rain. Naturally, this farmer had the faith that God was able to provide and would as He is a good God. Which one are we when we face situations that bring about a great need in our lives?

One way I need to prepare myself is in my thinking. I need to allow God to shape my perspective and not try to understand His thoughts and ways with my short-sighted and limited human reasoning. I need to see situations through God's eyes and not rely on information I get from any form of media (be it the news or the internet or magazines and books) or even soley on the testimonies of people. God sees what none of us see. I need to see in the spiritual and fight in the spiritual. Only then will I be more effective and see breakthrough.

Wishing...

...for a romantic getaway with Fab...

Not long now til our first wedding anniversary

True Leadership

Jeremiah 17: 9-10 "The heart is deceitful above all things and beyond cure. Who can understand it? "I the LORD search the heart and examine the mind, to reward a man according to his conduct, according to what his deeds deserve"

Father, I pray for the men in this world. Those who have not submitted their lives to Your divine authority. Those who have instead chosen to be the god of their own lives, or who have succumbed to the lures of this world and so given themselves over to the lordship of the devil. Father, so many have been made into tools for the devil's gruesome schemes. Where anointing and favour and blessings should have flowed through these men to their families and those around them, pain and suffering have been delivered. You formed man and gave him rulership but he has given this power over to the one who seeks only to destroy lives. So with his position of strength and influence, he has corrupted nations, robbed the innocence of young ones, and taken lives. You gave him hands to serve out of love, a mind and a heart to lead in holiness, but he has crushed those you placed under his care. He has beaten and raped and poisoned with his cutting lies. Father, please restore Your original plan. I lift these men to You and ask that you remove the deception over them. That You break the strongholds that are over their lives. That You release them to a life of purpose. I pray that they will be convicted of that which has taken Your pure truth and twisted it for personal gain. I pray that they will turn back to You and Your ways and lead the nations aright. I pray they will love their families and care for the needs of those around them. I pray they will be healed of the scars of their own pasts. Scars left by men before them. I pray for true leadership to rise up and take its place and speak life into the people, and banish the kingdom of darkness. I pray that they will experience Your love, grace and provision, and be a blessing as You desire.

Return to HIm

God has been speaking to me and others in the church about returning to Him (our "first love"), about not placing ourselves, our interests and other people above Him. I struggle with making God Lord over every area of my life but if He is not Lord of All then He is not Lord at All. There should be no compromise, no area left unchecked and uncommitted to God's cleansing, no idols that take our attention away from God or cause God to be a lesser priority in our lives. Why do we turn to things of pleasure that do not last, things which rust and moth can destroy, instead of turning to that which is of eternal value?

Ezekiel 11: 19-20 says, "I will give them an undivided heart and put a new spirit in them; I will remove from them their heart of stone and give them a heart of flesh. Then they will follow my decrees and be careful to keep my laws. They will be my people, and I will be their God"

Joel 2: 12-13, 22 says, "'Even now'. declares the LORD, 'return to me with all your heart, with fasting and weeping and mourning'. Rend your heart and not your garments. Return to the LORD your God,for He is gracious and compassionate, slow to anger and abounding in love, and He relents from sending calamity...Then you will know that I am in Israel, that I am the LORD your God, and that there is no other; never again will my people be shamed"

Isaiah 46: 4-10 says, "Even to your old age and gray hairs I am He, I am He who will sustain you. I have made you and I will carry you; I will sustain you and I will rescue you. To whom will you compare me or count me equal? To whom will you liken me that we may be compared? Some pour out gold from their bags and weigh out silver on the scales; they hire a goldsmith to make it into a god, and they bow down and worship it. They lift it to their shoulders and carry it; they set it up in its place, and there it stands. From that spot it cannot move. Though one cries out to it, it does not answer; it cannot save him from his troubles. Remember this, fix it in mind, take it to heart, you rebels. Remember the former things, those of long ago; I am God, and there is no other; I am God, and there is none like me"

There are other passages in the Bible that remind us that there is no one else like God. When God allowed Job to face trials for his faith, and Job questioned the purpose of his great suffering, and some of his friends came to offer poor advice and ended up condemning him, God asked Job is he was there when the earth was formed, when everything within it was created. God gently reminded Job that His thoughts and ways are not like ours, He is far beyond everything we know and can even imagine. God is sovereign. He is the alpha and omega. Why do I still struggle to trust with all my heart, mind and soul? Why do I insult him with my lack of confidence in who He is?

Isaiah 45: 5 "I am the LORD, and there is no other; apart from me there is no God. I will strengthen you, though you have not acknowledged me" then in verse 18 "For this is what the LORD says — He who created the heavens, He is God; He who fashioned and made the earth, He founded it; He did not create it to be empty, but formed it to be inhabited — He says: I am the LORD, and there is no other" and verse 22 "Turn to me and be saved, all you ends of the earth; for I am God, and there is no other"