once upon a time...

It's just dawned on me I haven't shared about the proposal...was looking back at my posts in August and was thinking "hmm...some posts on articles I read, a couple on struggles I was facing...huh, no sign of the engagement tale"

So this is how the story goes...

It was late August 2007 and the days leading up to it had been occupied with numerous activities. Tiredness and restlessness began to settle in and Fab and I decided we needed to do go away for a day on Saturday the 25th to rest, relax and recharge. Since he moved down to the Coast, we generally see each other only on Saturdays and even then there are weeks where Saturdays are taken up by other commitments too (which may have been the case that month, my goldfish memory fails me)

We chatted over the phone early that week but no concrete plans were formed; neither of us seemed to have any specific idea or preference so we left it saying we'd just spend a day somewhere nice...perhaps drive out a little further to sight see or something...then Wednesday came and Fab said he'd plan the day, to which I stressed that because I was pretty pooped, I just wanted to have a relaxing day (i.e. no mountain-climbing, amusement parks, strenuous activities and the like). He agreed and promised a relaxing day with a picnic at some location we'd not been before...he made it sound all lovely and casual. In the past we've driven out to places like Byron Bay and Noosa and just spent a day at the beach and walking around the area, things like that so I was anticipating a similar experience.

Then Friday night came and I received a whole bunch of 'missed calls' and a couple of text messages that had accumulated while my phone was on silent mode as I was at our weekly life group gathering. My father had been rushed to the hospital that evening as he had suddenly collapsed in great pain and was incessantly throwing up for no apparent reason. Mind you, my father does not go to the doctor, much less the hospital, unless his very life depends on it (which has happened a couple of times - we thought it was his heart again; he has had heart attacks before which led to a series of operations). His tolerance for pain is incredible and you will never hear a word of complaint uttered from his mouth. He is my hero. The night was filled with anxious prayer and sleeplessness until word came in the wee hours of the morning that he had been discharged after finally responding in some way to the medication. Tests were to follow that week to identify the cause of the horrible episode. I rang Fab and was very slight in my tone as my mind was filled with thoughts of my precious Pa and family and I simply wanted to inform him of the situation and make mention that I was hesitant about going out the following day.

The next morning rolled in quickly and Fab arrived at what I deemed to be far too early a time at my doorstep (which meant he had to wake at some unearthly hour the poor fellow, ok, maybe 5am?) I had messaged or rung after receiving the good news that things were stable with Pa. (Praise God totally! He gave me peace after praying and I believe He would have given my family peace too) Still, I had slept little and was not as excited as my keen boyfriend hovering over my bed with a huge grin on his face. He sat me up and practically shoved me into the bathroom saying the day would be a good break and we should get out and things were looking up and can I please get ready...so I did and tried to look pretty

Off into the car (this story is going to be so long) and there he was looking all cheery so I decided to make an effort and got out my camera and took a quick video of us leaving...little droplets of water starting making their way onto the windscreen from the sky but nothing seemed to dampen Fab's spirit. He had packed me a breakfast wrap or was it a muffin? from Macdonalds...oh yes, the sausage one because I think I inadvertently announced I preferred the bacon version instead. Oops. So in the car he started asking if I wanted to know where we were going and I said I liked it being a surprise but told him he didn't have to take me far otherwise it'd tire him out with all the driving. And on and on we drove and the clouds looked like they were about to bring more rain and then, ha! Budget Airport Parking?! He looked at me with wide eyes and asked, Can you guess where we're going? He then confessed he was slightly concerned when I had mentioned I didn't want to get on some little plane on our relaxing day (how coincidental) although I had been thinking more along the lines of those planes where you feel every single motion and get sick. Sydney it turned out to be! He said, it's ok, don't panic, it didn't cost that much (by that time I was kind of protesting as I said it just needed to be a small trip, oh you're so cute but such an expense is not necessary) as our friend works with Virgin Blue and they were having a birthday sale - $90 return for each person to Sydney. Fab goes, "You've been talking about visiting the fish market in Sydney for Sushi for a long time now...and you've not seen the Opera House or the Harbour Bridge/Darling Harbour...so I thought we could use this day to have a little trip there since we've been so busy and in need of a break" Man! I was pumped by that time! Woo Hoo, Sydney here we come!

So the day panned out with us literally hopping off the plane, galloping through the airport (stopping only to take a couple of quick shots like the one above) and running out the doors to breathe in Sydney air - the weather was absolutely perfect! We got maps and made our way to Paddy's Market to look at their wares...not terribly exciting but we got some great fruits, walked past China Town and headed towards the Darling Harbour...took some photos along the way and off to the Fish Market for lunch! Yum! More walking and sight seeing and photo taking and managed to squeeze in a bit of shopping (and definitely called home to check on Pa and make sure all was indeed ok by then...great news...something about his sensitive digestion and cereal and well more tests were due but he was stable, in discomfort but stable, thank God), we took heaps of photos of the Opera House from the other side of the river and slowly made our way to be under the Harbour Bridge just past the Hilton I think it was. Lots of photos with Fab's camera and tripod along the way...quite a few weddings going on (with huge bridesmaids in black and weird fluro colours). Then Fab found a quiet spot on a little grassy knoll under the bridge facing the Opera House. "Go sit there and leave a spot for me, I'll set up the camera for us to take another shot" He said and I went and made myself comfortable amongst the tiny dandelions and daisy-looking flowers.

Then it happened. He came forward, knelt in front of me, looked me in the eyes and asked, "Actually, do you know why I brought you here today?" (I honestly did not see this coming...it was just a great spontaneous trip to give ourselves a good break, no?) Whoa! I always imagined I would be super touched and cry when proposed to but I have to say I laughed really hard that day - a partial slight nervous laughter, partial amused haha-I-can't-believe-this-is-actually-happening laughter. 3minutes and 12seconds later I nodded and said "yeah, ok". Poor Fab...I asked him what had to be a million questions but he had done the right thing. His parents knew, my parents knew, our pastors and leaders knew...everyone had given the green light after praying over it and they were just waiting for me to find out. I talked at the rate of a gazillion words per second and my arms were flailing and I kept hitting him on the shoulders while laughing. He said, "But I'm really serious, look I have even bought the ring"...and what a gorgeous ring it is! He knows me so well...it's the perfect size and style and everything!

And then it dawned on me why my friend had cancelled our breakfast date for today on Wednesday night (which made me sad so I rang Fab to tell him) - turned out it was Fab who had asked she come up with something to postpone it. Same thing happened with some friends I was planning to meet for dinner with him as we hadn't caught up with them in a while (He had rung them and said, I know Jos has been planning a dinner but I want to propose, help me out here guys!) This also explained why Fab had chosen to be excused from his Saturday morning Church leaders' meeting (He never does things like this - always aims to put God first - but said he thought we should just get a day to ourselves and well, it seemed oh so plausible as he was run off his feet too and he said it'd only be a once off thing and that he had spoken to the pastors about it and the others would get him up to speed with the evaluation and stuff)

Gosh! We had spoken about marriage but it always concluded with us (well me, it seems) knowing it would be a not-so-soon occurrence. I actually suspected he might ask my parents for their blessings in September as they had been planning a trip over to see me or in December when we went to Singapore for Christmas but ha! he rang them about a month earlier so he could propose before they were scheduled to arrive the first week of September! Turned out Mum very nearly spilled the beans over the phone one night but I didn't catch on and she had caught herself in time and continued on with something else when Pa kicked her in the foot. Also, a friend had rung just 20 minutes before Fab proposed and congratulated me but as she is a banga and we often go on a tangent and talk about all sorts of things to each other, she too caught herself when I said "congratulations for what?" and rambled on about some other thing which completely distracted me. Fab had quietly enquired who the caller was and so she got an earful after the proposal! Turned out the proposal was not meant to happen til later in the night but he panicked when the call came and thought he had better get the road on the show lest more people had found out (we still have no idea how this girl knew as so few were in the loop!) and decided to ring me. Poor Fab...only then did I realise he had been so anxious the whole day - I was very merrily getting caught up (this is the 4th time I am using this word in this paragraph...need a new word) with all the sights and sounds to notice!

The whole day was perfect, just perfect and I was able to enjoy it as much as I did also because Pa was well and when we called our families after the proposal they were all laughing and Pa said they would definitely fly over no matter what as he told Mum he wanted to celebrate with us even though Mum had said the night before they might have to cancel their trip and get me to go over instead because of the sudden episode. It only began to drizzle after we started to make our way back to the airport after 12 hours in Sydney (it felt like we managed to pack quite a bit in the one day with a nice ride on the ferry from the Opera House - it's beautiful! - just before dinner) and when we got back, the weather in Brisbane had cleared too! So sweet God is!

The week with my parents (and one of my aunts and uncles came over too) and Fab was super. Happy Sigh...

Less than 6 months to go!

Whoa, that was fast...I've already been engaged for 6 months today...hmmm, should get started with more of the organisation! Haha...at least we've got most of the clothes sorted. Gown, check. Suit, check. Bridesmaid dresses, check. Gown and suit for dinner, check. Photo shoot, check. Dinner reception back home, check. Now onto the invitation cards for the Day, the programme booklets, the little gifts the people get, collating addresses for the dinner invites so mum can get them printed after she collects the cards from the hotel (made some form of progress there)...then it's onto getting the caterers sorted for the lunch buffet, the little dinner for family and relatives flying over for the Day, deco, wedding bands, shoes and accessories, makeup and hair stylists, photographer and video person for the Day, organising the teams, communicating stuff with the team leaders (thank God for friends!), buying all things buffet related like plates, cutlery, blah blah, drinks, la la...

Need to refer back to my list. I'm hungry and I have not started on my weight loss plan. In fact I have made no effort in this department. Haha, oops, better get started soon. Yes, soon...sense the procrastination building...so thirsty...shall resume blog post in a few minutes.

Preparation is more crucial in terms of spiritual and emotional maturity/stability...it'll be interesting living in such close proximity to another human everyday of my life...what with me being a little compulsive and loony about certain things. If you were to walk into my room and touch something (like move it a couple of inches), I'd probably know. I'd probably feel the urge to straighten the thing out but would have to try and refrain myself until after you left. Satisfaction...a big word. This is something I need to learn. That and humility which goes very neatly together as it is said that when one is not self centred, one will be more inclined to look to the needs of the other rather than to one's own and so not place such unreasonable expectations on the otherwise long suffering other.

My landlord, aka close gal pal whom I've known since college who came with me to study here and was my very first roomie, has graciously accepted me into her home into what I affectionately term "my induction period" where I am shown through everyday living how to be a super-wife (fully equipped with cooking and house keeping skills and cool home gadgets to boot), woman leader, minister, administrator and friend.

Yes, by the end of my 8 months stay, I shall be far more ready to step up into my new roles as life partner and ministry helper extraordinaire! Whee!

Can't wait for the honeymoon in Thailand too - great food at fantastic prices, wonderful shopping (although many of their clothes are designed to fit ants...ah, shoes...), beautiful sights I am hoping (beaches and cultural places) and not to mention all this with excellent company! Yay!

this is so me

This article: The Ordinary Day sums up, pretty nicely, what I am like most mornings...except I don't have snowmen sheets...I have a white doona cover with white tulips embroidered into them (I love this set of sheets...I eyed it for weeks and then my sweet friend Lilian decided to get them for me as a going-away present in July 1999).

How many days I have wasted with empty thoughts and idle movements (bit of a paradox happening there)...so anyway, I have about half a year before my wedding springs upon me with great delight so that's 6 months of God preparing me in yet another way, building my shaky character to be something of great purpose! Amen! (Time to get up, embrace the day and make snowmen in the sun!)

I discovered God's love in a bowl of cereal

Valentines Day 2008 - God gives me a little present to remind me of His love for me...funny no one else seemed to think it was that cool...guess that comes down to God knowing how I tick because He made me and knowing what I'd notice and appreciate, dense as I can be many a times.

I brought a small round IKEA container of mixed cereal (the kind with cornflakes, apricot bits, raisins and other forms of cereal-related things) to work and ate most of it for breakfast. Later in the afternoon I felt a little peckish at my desk so I started eating the cereal as a dry snack.

Then, lo and behold! something made me glance into that little bowl-shaped container where my eyes landed on an unsually larger piece of cornflake that sat atop the little hill of cereal (by then not much was left). I picked it up and HEY! it was in the shape of a heart! What do you know? And it was pretty symmetrical too and looked cut that way in a sense. It's still on my desk although I know I'll eventually have to do something with it.

And now it's even started to dawn on me that BibleGateway has been posting daily verses about God's love to remind us that, regardless of whether we are single, attached, engaged, married, or in whatever situation in between or apart from that, His love for us surpasses all understanding, running so deeply that He gave absolutely everything for us to be reconciled to Him.

The Greatest Love Story ever that we often forget or do not identify with...we think about the hugs we want, the chocolates, the flowers, the intimacy, the sweet words, the I-don't-know-whatever-else-people-may-think-about...but we fail to realise we already belong to Someone who is crazy about us and has placed in store great and wondrous things for us that we cannot even imagine or comprehend now and bit by bit they'll be revealed as we walk in His love (while munching on cornflakes maybe)

(Picture of heart cereal to be posted when I can work out how to get it out of my mobilephone! Where have I placed the connecting thing?)

That Kind of Love - Radiant Magazine

i ♥

One day I shall make my own photo collage...photo journalism, a series of photos that tell a story of a time in my life, that help me keep certain memories alive, that mark milestones, that bring colour and a sense of history and heritage and a little bit of some other place in the world

there's more to life than this

God of Ages - You are my hope, my everything!

2 Timothy 1: 6-9 says, "For this reason I remind you to fan into flame the gift of God, which is in you through the laying on of my hands. For God did not give us a spirit of timidity, but a spirit of power, of love and of self-discipline (sound mind). So do not be ashamed to testify about our Lord, or ashamed of me His prisoner. But join with me in suffering for the gospel, by the power of God, who has saved us and called us to a holy life—not because of anything we have done but because of His own purpose and grace. This grace was given us in Christ Jesus before the beginning of time...

Let our hearts burn with a flame, a fire consuming all for Your son's holy name...There must be more than this, Oh Breath of God come breathe within...Consuming fire, fan into flame a passion for Your name, Spirit of God won't You fall in this place, Lord have Your way, Lord have Your way with us...Stir it up in our hearts Lord, a passion for Your name!

This post is pretty incoherent, I'm trying to say too many things in the one place. It's a consolidation of a couple of main points really: That again I am hearing a voice in my heart saying that there is more to life than what mine is now, that I seem to be just drifting through existence and need to be more grounded, convicted, passionate about God, His people, His work...focused, driven, consumed by His Spirit.

Then there is the point about overcoming fears that stand in the way of me really going all out...there have been so many times I know my worship is restrained and in summary my life is a held-back version of what it ought to be. In God I am victorious and should stop declaring negative statements over my life, I should quit having a defeatist attitude and just live life as God intends, abundance and all! So goodbye to the tangling, ensnaring web of lies I keep going back to! God is my peace, my hope, my protector, deliverer, my joy, my strength...hmm, perhaps I ought to have written down the words that came to mind that I sang out during the free worship at prayer meet tonight but well, I realise it can really disrupt the flow of worship when you stop and try to pen everything down...plus the words often just flow like a slightly broken faucet that can't be shut and then when it is, the mind can't quite recall it all...I guess if God intends for it to become something else, I'd remember it word for word

God is all I need?

Jeremy Camp wrote this song titled Walk by Faith when he began to learn the true meaning of this phrase. Such a simple thing to say but to actually live it out...well that's a totally different ball game. Listen to the message at the start.

Growing up, and at times even now, I've had a deep fear of losing my loved one, first a family member, then my life partner. From where the fear evolved, I do not know but fear is not from God for His perfect love drives it away. Yet it is an ongoing battle of choosing to trust in God though that should seem the most obvious and easy decision to make. Over and over God has assured me of His love and faithfulness, of His grace that is sufficient for my lack of strength. Yes, indeed I do not know why God would allow certain things to happen yet He knows it is well within His means to turn all things to good for those who love Him and live in His ways. I feel like I am preaching to myself but I don't have the power to convince myself of such truths, only God does. And I know He has slowly been doing so as I let Him into my often stubborn heart.

I used to have recurring nightmares for many years - someone would be out to hurt my family, physically abuse and kill them and I would try so hard to protect them...I'd try to turn myself into a superhero in those dreams, try to find a way to fight the enemies...it was awful, frightening...I always felt so hopeless and the tears I wept in the dreams would find their way to my pillow in reality. God brought me out of this dark pit...one night (I had come to Brisbane by then) He freed me and the nightmares stopped...bit by bit over the years He has helped me rise above one crippling fear after another. God, I need You so much, there are still so many things to overcome and it can only be done with You

I want to be someone who will gladly lay my life before my King - the world would think this crazy but there is so much the world just does not know. Yes, this is my desire

Do you see what God is doing?

It starts with an idea

You search anxiously

Determination Builds

When it all unfolds

Your idea comes to life

Seize the Moment

Encourage Dreams

Engage in Boundless Expression...

I took these words off the Jupiter Images site. Some time ago Ps Wenan shared from the passage about Elijah seeking God for the rain. He asked us, "Do you see what God is doing?" He went on to explore the fact that when we hold something on our minds, we eagerly wait for it to materialise and when it happens, we recognise it without hesitation. "What is the vision we hold on our minds? What is this something God is wanting to place in our hearts?" He looks for those who will seize every opportunity. Will we seek His heart, pursue His calling, and be ones who will recognise the move of His hand when this very vision starts to unfold? Are we engaging in this boundless plan He has so wondrously formed? Or are our dreams filled with selfish ambitions that amount to nothing in the big scheme of things?

God, help me to tune in to your heartbeat, convince, convert and convict my heart towards Your will; may I choose to give my life fully to Your kingdom's cause!

"Make me an expression of You" Rebecca St James

See by Seeking
Seek through Persevering
Persevere by Believing

Hebrews 10: 35-36 "So do not throw away your confidence; it will be richly rewarded. You will need to persevere so that when you have done the will of God, you will receive what He has promised"

Getting back into the swing of things

It's the 9th of Feb and I'm needing to refocus and plan ahead...2008 is going to be an interesting year with new challenges providing the opportunities for growth and maturity - in character, in spiritual stature and hopefully not belly size (in fact, the current plan is to shed a few inches for the Bid Day)

Our unit has multiplied and we've had two dinner fellowships as of last night...I think we're off to a good start, people seem comfortable despite the sudden awareness that the room is hosting a lot of space with only half the number of people left. Naturally, this is a good thing - a sign of growth necessitating that we function as two units instead of one. Those joining us for the first time are warm and they are quickly getting acquainted with others. There will be more chances for people to step up and serve, to rise up and take hold of the challenges for advancement...there should be little (if not none) room for complacency

(Note to self: No more slacking! It's time to Get Up & GO!)

The question now is, "Which direction is God pointing us towards?" I wonder what God intends to do in and through the group. What is the reason we are the mix of people we are? With all the obvious, hidden and yet to be discovered and/or developed gifts, coupled with God's personal calling upon each individual, we're a giant miracle waiting to happen! Imagine what great and wondrous plans He has set out for us to accomplish. Now, how can we as the leaders begin to harness each one's strengths, passions and talents? How can we build one another up so that even our weaknesses are used for God's glory as He intends? How do we not fail to seize the opportunities right before our very eyes?

The potential - God, help me to see the potential in people and not focus on what is presently showing...help me to look beyond my perspective of them, my limited understanding and self-centred expectations and judgements. Each person is a treasure box and puzzle rolled into one - intricately crafted by God, held precious in His sight, made with a powerful purpose to be unravelled as he or she grows from strength to strength...each one a warrior with skills unique to themselves

What kind of fearless fighter have you called me to be God? I will remember Your promises over my life...it's the year for vision, for passion, for revival, for revolution!

Understand - Jeremy Camp

I love this song - God understands our fears, our failures, the reasons we are the way we are, He feels every pain and bears our every shame, He hears every cry, every plea...why don't I get back on my feet again?