Showing posts with label Social Justice. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Social Justice. Show all posts

Tuesday, 18 October 2011

Blinded? Deceived?

How can something like this take place? It is just insane. I read the article and thought, "There is seriously something wrong with those people." To walk past a devastatingly injured toddler without so much as batting an eyelid. 

Were they afraid to get involved? Did they just assume someone else had taken note of the situation and rung for an ambulance or alerted the child's parents? I mean seriously. Where is the rationale behind that degree of, shall we call it, apathy?

On another note, did her brother witness the incident? Did her mother wonder where she had gone? At least there are people providing support for the family now. 

Maybe the van and truck drivers were too scared in the moment to stop, for fear of being prosecuted. What were the shopkeepers thinking, though, when they ignored the lady (bless the kindly street cleaner) who did try to help? 

There's a passage in the Bible that talks about Satan placing a shroud over people's eyes so they cannot see the truth and respond to it, which could very well be the case here.

Sin. It's wrapped up in deception isn't it? Wonderful, appealing deception. 

Sometimes it's subtle so we don't really notice. Other times it completely blind sides us and we are left clueless about even being hit. Both are equally dangerous but I think the eventuality of having our conscience discreetly numbed over time can prove far more lethal because, by then, we are so convinced that what is utterly wrong is so alluringly right. 

The truth is that little girl was perfectly helpless, being both powerless to do anything and denied assistance. But what was the lie clouding the perspective of the passers-by? If we can answer that, will it tell us why society has fallen to this state? Do we already know why?

The erosion of values springs to mind. Moral and ethical values gone down the drain. The pertinence of nurturing the fundamental unit of society, the family, overlooked. The sense of community; the importance of a culture of honour, disregarded. And why? Because we are by nature bent on self preservation? Because we know no better when that is all we've been taught, either through observation or experience?

But something can be done to change this. On the one hand there is cruelty but on the other hope still exists because this tragedy did spark outrage, and outrage spurs action, and action begets change.

I have asked myself on a number of occasions what I would do if the unexpected scream from the road atop the grassy slope beside my bedroom window turned out to be one of real angst, and not the squeal of some youngster being playfully chased. If the screamer was in fact being genuinely attacked and desperately hoping for a rescuer.

Would I quietly rationalise what I had heard? Would I attempt to still my trembling heart with chants that everything is actually ok and the trouble is only in my imagination, so I ought to just hit the 'stop' button on my over-analytical brain procession and roll over and pull the blanket tight and go to sleep?

If I do, I am no different to a self centred, negligent passer by. Could I live with myself knowing I didn't make the humane choice to help simply because I cared more about my comfort than someone else's life? And what if, to live with myself, I found a way to drown the inner voice until nothing moved me anymore?

I could then just walk past a bleeding toddler without flinching, and that is a more frightening thought than the tiny possibility of getting hurt if I were to help. Besides, wisdom would suggest calling on someone (or a group of someones) who would and could respond to make everything ok.

Right now, I just pray that God will peel off the scales that blur our vision so we can truly see right from wrong, and that we will have the guts and the decency to pursue the former. My prayers are also with the little girl, her family and the community they live in. 

Thursday, 7 July 2011

It's Time to Do Something

Since God has given us all authority on earth, let's walk in it and claim back what is ours; what belongs to His kingdom. I want to see God's will being done on earth as it is in heaven and I know this is possible because Jesus teaches us to pray it. If I keep sitting here crying over why God doesn't just intervene each time something horrific is going to happen, and wondering in fear if He will one day allow me to go through the same thing, or why I got given into a loving family and safe life when it could be me in their shoes, I'll surely go insane.  

There is too much I cannot grasp but God is saying He has not left us powerless to fight the enemy, and the enemy is not man (though for more than two decades I have harboured resentment and wariness towards many of them). There are days I struggle with why God won't just shut down the devil and his corporation now, given there is enough sin (and its ramifications) to tackle already. But it appears He is waiting for me (and the church) to participate in bringing the enemy down. 

So we focus on what God is doing not what He isn't. Reports are being distributed to other parts of the world  to generate awareness and garner response. At least there's that. It's not just being kept under wraps, even if many cases are not recorded. News is getting out. The thing is we need not wait for someone in, what we consider, a 'position of influence' to take action. We have the capacity to make a difference. Seemingly ordinary individuals. We have the power to give voice to the voiceless and change what is wrong. 

What women are facing in nations such as DR Congo, Afghanistan, Pakistan and India is wrong. And what's worse is, they're being told they deserve it or have brought it upon themselves in some way. We need to bring truth into those places. And it's not just there. It's in Asia, it's across Europe, it's in our own backyards. 

As God enables, "one can chase a thousand, two can put ten thousand to flight" (Deuteronomy 32: 30). We are not alone when we walk with Him. We may be one person here but look across history and you will see the legacy of a single man; a single woman -works that changed the landscape of our societies for the better. And as we gather those in our circle (family, friends, colleagues, classmates...) and stand united in our front for true freedom, we are a formidable force in the enemy's face. 

We are the force to be reckoned with in the arenas that govern our communities - politics, government and legislation, education, arts, media, economics, business - the ones to be heard and taken seriously when policies are being made or reconsidered; the ones who shape culture, thinking and the messages that are flashed about and perpetuated. 

If we want honour, we live out honour and influence others to do likewise. I'm sick of being suppressed by this suffocating fear. I'm sick of feeling overwhelmed and bitter. I know I can't keep hiding behind the trivial things that make me happy and distract me temporarily. What meaning will my life really have if all I have to show for it is a closet of pretty frocks and accessories? 

I asked God for focus and He brought me into Mission Educate. A proposal has been made to a partner organisation, that aids with funding, on bringing the literacy program to India. Talk is in the air about perhaps shifting this to a part of Asia. Either way, we shall seek the Lord's direction as limited resources means we have to target areas one at a time. There are glaring needs in a large number of regions but God knows how to proceed. 

After reading the article linked from this post on Girl with a Satchel, I want to support the women in India. My heart aches at their plight. I am disgusted at the level of cruelty that exists. It is simply inhumane, so much so it makes me think the spiritual climate needs an overhaul. We have to get Satan out of our homes, out of our neighbourhoods, out of our schools and government, out of everything and out for good!

The kingdom of God has been forcefully advancing (Matthew 11: 12) and we can continue to claim back what belongs to the kingdom by being 'forceful' in our intercession and with the blueprints and strategies God will give as we seek His heart. 

Monday, 27 June 2011

Reverting to old ways

Was revisiting the post I wrote at the start of this year, and it struck me how I have failed to uphold any of the resolutions I put forward. And then I thought, "What's new?", which is bad...really bad. I really need to get myself kicked into gear. 31 is old enough. I can't afford to keep dawdling and not make anything of myself. 

Dreaming of becoming like the creative people whose blogs I follow is not going to magically turn me into someone like that. Accomplishments are going to have to be gained through working proper plans from the ground up. It's not that difficult to start a small art project right? And if I stick with it and get good, maybe I can start selling stuff on Etsy. 

On the other hand I wonder what the point of me having wishes of a happy life is (with pretty stationery and all that cotton candy fluff), when there are battles to be fought so women and children across the world get to have a safe reality and promising future. 

Just browsing Facebook for status updates of friends, I'm confronted by the stark contrasts that exist. One posts about a satisfying buffet, another of simple pleasures with their family, but then you get the article about mass rape in DR Congo or devastating news about a close friend and life feels so fragile again. I look at that and someone else's statement of the great and wondrous things God is doing in their Church and I long for balance.  

I have been told that God is not moved simply by needs but by faith and the wholehearted intercession of His people. But is it possible to quicken the answering of our prayers? People say to focus on what God is doing not what He isn't but when the madness is so glaring, it really becomes a conscious decision to walk it out. I have to be convicted of the truth that God is good ALL the time.


Papier Mache 

Lord, teach me to delight in Your ways all the days of my life; to dance with You and revel in Your beauty, grace and everlasting love.


Wednesday, 15 June 2011

And I'm asking...


...why, why, why, why...

Why there are so many couples and women who struggle with infertility, crying out through the heartache of not being able to conceive or of miscarriage, and enduring painful treatment and years of careless comments from others...while people who don't consider children to be gifts from God pop babies without so much as batting their eyelids. Why the people who abort their babies because it's an inconvenience, or worse, have them but then abuse them, or allow others to abuse them, are even bestowed such blessings.

I'm not talking about choosing to give a child up for adoption so they may have a better life and a brighter future, and I'm not condemning those who have fallen pregnant and chosen abortion because they were raped. And I understand we don't always make the wisest decisions, or have the strength and sense to know what to do when we face the consequences. I'm referring to people who treat children like trash, slaves or objects to be passed around for personal benefit. Why doesn't God place children in the care of the women and couples who will look after them responsibly and with love? Why does He not close the womb of the one who is going to hurt their child terribly instead of the one who will be a good parent and the one faithful to Him?

Lord, help me understand Your heart. Please. Just help me get it. I know You are faithful for You have been in my life and I am grateful for that. I thank You for Your provision and for Your unfailing love and grace towards my family and I. There is so much about the way You work that I just cannot comprehend and it's fine to be left baffled about certain things but the questions I have are in relation to areas I cannot reconcile with who I know You to be; with who You say You are in Your word. Please Lord. Help me understand. I know You want to be more important to me than the answers but I struggle to get close to You without knowing. 

Thursday, 9 June 2011

Child Brides

National Geographic article...I just want to turn all the bad things around...make everything alright...it's hard to breathe...watching the documentaries, reading the articles, seeing the photographs, hearing the stories...real lives. People I've met. Real pain. Real torment. It shouldn't be happening. It just shouldn't be. Every child should be enjoying their youth; their innocence. They should be running around freely, laughing and playing. Being a kid. Every person should be loved, cared for, esteemed, honoured. 

I am going to scream.  

Tuesday, 31 May 2011

27 million in slavery

[Video: A21 Campaign]
 
The number is probably more because it would be hard to get an accurate picture, particularly in developing nations or where human trafficking is so well hidden. In rural regions as well. And this does not include women and children who are being abused in their own homes. By their own families. By the families they've been forced to marry into. By the soldiers who should be protecting their own people not using them like toys to be tossed out. It just makes me sick. All of it. 

How could it exist to this extent? How can people be this cruel? So hard in their hearts they feel nothing towards another's plight? How can one take pleasure from another's excruciating pain? How can men even think of using children (children!!!!) I want this to end. I want this to end NOW. Is the good moving as fast or faster than the bad in this world? Are we making a difference? "A child is trafficked every 26 seconds." (Destiny Rescue Australia) That's one child every time you inhale two breaths. 

At some point, I began burying this burden away, overwhelmed and furious at God; at men. But there will always be the guilt of living in my bubble wrap-protected life while someone else is living in the disgusting reality of having to serve at least 40 men a day. 

To think this has been going on for centuries. To think slavery is at its peak since the beginning of time. To think it wasn't just a story in our history textbooks about the days of Abraham Lincoln or William Wilberforce. OUTRAGEOUS! 

I can hide away in the pretty blogs and stores with my dreams of a floaty life. I can live in the artificial universe created by romantic movies, funny TV dramas, fictitious books and music videos. I can continue to pretend the whole world is peachy because it's a matter of switching channels and finding the things I enjoy. But we're talking about 27 million people and counting. 27 million real lives. 27 million individuals. 

It has to go from seeing this as a distant statistic someone else will address, to seeing them as ourselves, our loved ones, our friends. Someone personally related. Someone we're emotionally connected to in a big way. It's not such a far away concept any more then. 

Each of you reading this has a mother or a sister or a daughter or a friend you would protect. Or you can consider, "What would you want someone to do if you found yourself in this horrible predicament?" It's a trap. People don't know how to get out. They're scared. They're lost. They hate it. Yes, even those who initially willingly got involved in the pornography industry, and put on a false front for the media to think they love their job.

It's happening right on our door step. 

There are lies, being protected, that need to be broken. There are lives being broken that need to be protected. 


Where do we start?

  • Interceding God's way - I've often yelled and asked a million questions because it's so hard for me to grasp His heart on this. I've prayed for my definition of justice and vindication, but they amount to nothing as I have no love for the perpetrators. I've harboured murderous thoughts instead. Contrived ways of torturing them in my head. I wanted God to punish them in a way that would make them endure every single thing they put their victim/s through. I wanted them to live through the entire ordeal. The fear, the shame, the betrayal, the pain. Everything. Every emotion, every thought, every physical reaction. What is God's way?
  • Gathering others who share the same burden - to have the support of people who understand how strongly you feel about this, and can work with you so the burden turns into vision and action and practical progress and positive change
  • Partnering with organisations that are doing the work - A21 Campaign, Destiny Rescue...there has been a rise in people standing up to say, "Enough is enough!" and do something (Refer to the list under my tab 'Social Justice & Intercession' under the blog header banner)
  • Be an ambassador/advocate - get tools and resources from the organisations and get the word out in your circle of influence

Our Church has invited the Australian Director of Destiny Rescue to speak with us on August 6. He will inform and equip us to get children out of the sex trade in Thailand. 

We are also going to use our creativity to get the word to those still living in a bubble so more are on board with turning the nightmare around. 

What will you do after shutting down your computer? 

Wednesday, 9 February 2011

Annie Lennox for HIV Aids Prevention & Cure



I have a yellow t-shirt with a fancy design that proclaims "Jesus, Mighty to Save", a gift from my sister. I wear it because I like the way it looks and it's comfortable. When I wore it the other day, I asked myself, "Am I convinced and convicted of the statement it makes? Can I wear this confidently before any person?", and the realisation was that my faith is still on shaky ground. 

Here, Annie tells how she has made a commitment to identify herself with those suffering from HIV, and to stand up with and for them against this huge battle. Could I be so bold? In Church I sing, "I'm not ashamed of the Gospel Lord", but in reality I fear persecution. 

The truth is, I have to find my security in God if I want to be a voice for the voiceless too. 

Wednesday, 10 November 2010

Our century's greatest injustice

"Individuals can make a difference, and they should, because we individuals can, together, help create a movement. And a movement of men and women is what's needed to bring about social change, change that will address this great moral challenge of oppression towards girls and women globally.

So then, what's in it for you? You're probably asking that. Why should you care? I will just leave you with two things.

One is that research shows that once you have all of your material needs taken care of -- which most of us, all of us, here in this room do -- research shows that there are very few things in life that can actually elevate your level of happiness. One of those things is contributing to a cause larger than yourself.

The second thing is this anecdote. The story of an aid worker in Darfur. Here was a woman who had worked in Darfur, seeing things that no human being should see. Throughout her time there, she was strong, she was steadfast. She never broke down. And then she came back to the United States and was on break, Christmas break. She was in her grandmother's backyard when she saw something that made her break down in tears. It was a bird feeder. She then realized that she had the great fortune to be born in a country where we take security for granted, where we not only can feed, clothe and house ourselves, but also provide for wild birds so they don't go hungry in the winter. And she realized that with that great fortune comes great responsibility.

Like her, you, me, we have all won the lottery of life. And so the question becomes: how do we discharge that responsibility?"

Sheryl WuDunn (points from her talk on Ted.com)

Sunday, 19 September 2010

Help build awareness

Please take the time to read this article about the gassing of girls' schools in Afghanistan, and to alert others to what is taking place. These are issues the Church needs to know about, understand and intercede for. We need to take action and not be absent in the arenas that control or influence our society - politics and the law, economics, education, media and the arts...

The level of cruelty in our world is unthinkable but we know it exists. The key is not to turn a blind eye anymore but to start to speak out on behalf of those who have no voice. Truth be told, I often lack the courage for fear of any negative ramifications, but if I keep silent, I am doing an even greater injustice to those who are suffering.

Friday, 10 September 2010

Human Rights

Is this a matter of 'too much discussion and not enough practical action' or worse, 'little discussion (by those who really should be addressing this) and even less action (from said people)'?

How is it the people who have the power to create or influence change are often the ones perpetuating the situation, or grossly negligent? Is this really an area to be thrown to the sidelines or tip toed around?

When will we see adequate funding and legislation and policies that actually make a difference?

What can we as the general community do? If we come together and pool our resources, perhaps we will see less standing in our way towards a better tomorrow. Maybe we don't have much financially but what we have can go a long way.

We can fund raise. We can write, sing, act, design, talk. We have talents that can be put to great use. Why not channel what we do have towards creating awareness and affecting change?

We are creative when we're cornered. When there seems to be no solution, our minds kick into overdrive to find that way out. That way no one has had to come up with before. That way no one has bothered exploring. We become the solution.

Much can be achieved today with little, thanks to the development in technology. Take social media for example. Facebook, Twitter, blog hosts. They cost us nothing but these pages can go viral within seconds. Information can travel across the globe in the click of a mouse, the tap of a keyboard. People once separated by oceans and state lines now face no boundaries.  

I have spent years crying over what I have seen, read, heard. Years haunted by images,  faces, words. Who said I was inadequate and incapable? Who told me I was incapacitated? Who decided it was better for me to hide in my shell and crumble in fear than to stand up and do something? Who got the final say on whether it was possible to make something good happen?

For so long I wondered if I was just going crazy, if I was the only one who felt this way. Did I find those stories or did those stories find me? Was it really a coincidence? The countless times I randomly flipped open a magazine or scanned articles on the Internet or switched TV channels, that I landed on a story about rape? Why did it seem no one else was noticing or being taken in by the story...taken in physically, emotionally, psychologically?

But I'm not alone.

I'm going to start somewhere. I'm going to start now.

Are you with me?

Thursday, 29 July 2010

It is difficult

Nahum 1: 7 says "the Lord is good. He is a refuge in times of trouble and He cares for those who trust in Him."

God does not will for His people to suffer, yet since the Fall, we live in a world controlled by the devil. Still, nothing can happen to us that is not first allowed by God. Right? Nothing takes place outside of His knowledge and ability to make good because He is sovereign over all.

If God's promise to love and protect extends to all who choose to believe in Him, and even those who do not yet know Him or have not made a decision to invite Him into their lives, how does He decide when to hold back? Or does He not make this choice?

It is difficult to get my head around the difference between what I see in the world and what I have experienced for myself. Perhaps I am blessed as my family knows and follows God. Perhaps I am walking in the fruits of their daily decision to love and serve Him. Perhaps they have done the hard work over past generations, and I am revelling in the spiritual blessings.

There are those, however, who live apart from God until one amazing encounter causes them to look at Him with a new perspective. Maybe they survive a car crash, escaping miraculously without a scratch. Maybe they are bitter about life's circumstances and are invited to a church service by a close friend, where they are touched by God's presence and someone's testimony.

It seems like we're the lucky ones. The ones who are somehow bestowed more grace. But I know this is not true. I know God has no favourites. He loves us all. Does He give everyone the same level of chance to respond though? Does everyone get a fair go in knowing How much He cares?

I was born into a loving family that instilled strong moral and ethical values, and has given me an incredible life. On the same day, a girl somewhere in the world was probably birthed into a home of brokenness and violence. To parents who let her live, only to abuse and exploit her. If someone were to walk up to her one day to share about God's grace, would she not question how a God who claims to love her so deeply could let her hurt so much?

Why does the goodness I have experienced not extend to everyone else with the same measure or more? Why does the Bible tell us that He is our protector and deliverer at the same time it confirms we may suffer for our faith? Do these passages talk about two different things? Is this a part of God's timing?

If God can choose to intervene in one person's life, and save them from assault, why does He appear to turn away when the same thing is about to happen to another? I know it grieves Him terribly to see His children in pain. I know that He cannot bear to look upon the sinfulness of this world. But why do only some get rescued from the trauma?

For Christians, does this tie in with God wanting to mould us in our character and make us stronger in our faith? With Him desiring for us to know Him more intimately? Many have shared that it was only in their grave adversities did they gain a deeper understanding and fall more in love with Him.

For non-Christians, would this not deter them from wanting to know Him? Yet many have given their lives to Him after one encounter of His warm presence. In such cases, that was evidence of His ability to restore and make the past, however horrific, nothing.

I know God works all things for the good of those who love Him. And by "all things", it means even the most challenging of times. Does God's decision on whether to intervene depend on the level of our faith and our personality? For He won't give us more than He knows we can bear at the end of the day. Is this why I have been shown so much grace? Because I am weaker in my faith?

Someone once told me that God does not have to limit the sinfulness of this world because His sovereignty is able to redeem any person and any situation. Someone else said that while this is so, God did set a boundary for the devil, out of His grace. Had He not, we would witness and experience even more mayhem and suffering.

I know that Jesus went to the cross to claim back the authority that was handed to the devil at the Fall. This means I have been given the power to pray for intervention, for miracles, for a change in the atmosphere. I can prophecy, speaking truth and goodness into existence. Why then are my prayers only answered some of the time? Though God does not will for His people to suffer, are my prayers for certain ones to be delivered somehow not in line with His heart for them? Maybe because from their pain comes great revival for others?

Do I only pray when He calls me to? But shouldn't I pray anyway because I'm not always sensitive to His voice? Do I just keep praying and seeking until I hear His voice confirm something? I cannot let my love and worship to Him be conditional upon the outcomes. Because He sees and knows it all. I just need to trust in His sovereignty.

Sometimes it's so difficult. I wish I could understand why there are times I can see Him move and other times it's as if He has forgotten. I want to know why He would allow a faithful believer's fiancee to be murdered in their new apartment just before the wedding. Why He would give babies to women who will abort them when they don't see His gift of life as an act of love. Why He would let a gang of men pour acid over a helpless woman's face to settle a dispute between their families or punish her for rejecting an arranged marriage proposal.

How do those who don't know Him move on and live with such pain? Why does He allow them to be crippled so? Where do they find their strength and when they do, why would they think it was Him who gave them that capacity? Would they not just rely on themselves and not trust?

Perhaps it is different for children as it is for adults, for there is a difference in the way God is approached. A difference in the level of understanding, or rather in the way of understanding God, people and circumstances. Adults probably have more filters from their experiences. More room for scepticism, supposedly rational thinking and justification.

Do I stagnate my spiritual growth because I am afraid that one day He'll decide it is time for me to experience something terrible as a way to stretch my faith? Do I not believe that God is indeed inherently good? How do I reconcile these two things - His will for us not to suffer and His decision to allow that suffering to occur still? Perhaps to a child, there is more black and white and fewer gray areas.

Why are people offended by my questions? Why do they tell me I am disrespecting God? Does He not want me to be open and honest and go to Him with my burdens and doubts so He can shed light on them? Does He not want for me to know Him more through my seeking?

Are my questions causing me to turn away though? Don't they just deter me from studying the Bible or worshipping or being impacted by the sermons I am so privileged to hear every Sunday without persecution? Have I chosen to neglect spending time with Him because I am angry? As if that would change His mind and cause Him to answer my prayers the way I want Him to instead of sticking to what really is best for that person.

Will I not remain committed to God even if I cannot see what He is doing or comprehend His intentions? Will I not claim against all odds that He is still good and not let Him be misunderstood again? I don't think He cares about His reputation. He doesn't need me to uphold it. But He cares about how much I value my relationship with Him.

I just feel so powerless sometimes. I am told not to focus on what God isn't doing but to see what He is. To search out the testimonies of those whose lives He has touched and continues to change. To feed myself with the stories that show He is real and good so that they will give me strength to face the situations where His presence is not apparent.

I wonder why I should bother if He's got the timing all worked out. If He'll still do whatever it is He has planned. Can I really change His mind? When I pray a certain way, is it not for me to get in tune with His heart and pray according to what He desires? In times of seeking, He changes my mind instead, does He not?

The devil comes to steal, kill and destroy. He seeks to ruin us and make a mockery of God. He'll do anything and use anyone to serve his purposes. So we live without joy and begin to think that God is too serious and narcissistic to desire us to have joy. It's all a lie though.

Still, it's difficult. It's difficult to keep believing and contending for what God has promised. I want to make the odds easier for so many people. I want to turn things around so that those who will act responsibly and love their children will not need to struggle with infertility while others who sell their daughters to brothels to get out of debt pop babies like there's no tomorrow. If it is painful to watch those children suffer, why give them to those who will only crush them? Why not allow those people to be barren?

It is mean of me to think this way. I just don't get it. If I could be everywhere at once, I'd protect every child and woman. I'd remove them from the oppression and place them where they can be safe and secure. Where they will be loved and esteemed. Where they will learn their self worth and have the freedom to be themselves, to be beautiful. I'd put all the men who lust after power and are filled with perversion in places that first address why they have become that way. Maybe they need healing from their pasts. Maybe they were never taught boundaries. Never taught to respect others, to appreciate diversity, to see an individual for who they truly are. Maybe they are so deep in their addictions, they need the help to get out.

What if God spoke every time someone was about to sin? Spoke just so that person could hear Him. Spoke in a way they would recognise as His voice? What if all He said was, "you'll really hurt me and that person if you do that." What if that was enough for us to change our mind and want to spend our time in conversation with Him, rather than on plotting something evil? Surely God thought about this at the beginning. He must have figured it wasn't such a grand idea.

It is difficult. I don't want to lose hope when I read the painful stories and see the confronting images. When I hear they have become a reality for someone in my life. I want joy. I want peace. And I don't just want it for me. 

Monday, 17 May 2010

At our doorstep

A look into what is happening in our own world.

There are so many injustices. It's just unacceptable. Yet due to fear, I have been moved to prayer but not quite so to practical action. It's time to do my part. Would anyone care to partner with me? We could host a simple fundraising high tea party.

Since March, Fab and I have been making monthly donations to the UNHCR for their work with refugees. The organisation also provides relief aid for disaster stricken areas. Through their work, women and children in war torn areas or in villages vulnerable to horrific attacks by resistance armies, can now be placed in a safe community where their basic needs are met. Perhaps we could get a group together to make regular donations to an agreed organisation or cause.

I have spent too long brooding over how God decided that I could be born into a loving family in a safe country and have an incredibly blessed life, while another girl had to live in a politically unstable nation and be raped and tortured to death by pirates when escaping with her family to seek asylum elsewhere. When I think of what other women have endured, I feel vulnerable. I wonder why I got to be blessed beyond measure and realise I could easily have been someone else with a starkly different life. How would I have experienced the love of God or known that I am precious in His sight? How would I heal from such trauma? Til today the girl's mother has nightmares of that fateful day. Til today a Holocaust survivor claims there is no God.

Tina shared with us over the Beautiful: Empowered Women weekend that she recognised how blessed she has been and is utterly grateful for the life and opportunities God has given her. She too saw the injustices and one day found the courage and inspiration to make a difference. Along with two girlfriends, she started out small but has since been determined to continue and broaden her efforts in fundraising for the orphans in Uganda, through Watoto. She has even travelled to Uganda to help build a house, as part of the Watoto project, to give 8 orphans and a widow a proper home. 

Tina never stopped at the realisation of the contrast between her life and another's. She never questioned God or doubted if she could trust Him. She never worried that one day God would allow her to suffer a great injustice since it appeared He had done so with others. Instead, she remembered that as Abraham was blessed by God to be a blessing, so too was she.

We are our sister's keeper. We need to look out for one another and bring God's love and restoration to the hurting. Let's do our part. It is better to begin with little than to never begin at all. Do not despise the days of small beginnings. As we step out to do something within our current means, God will multiply as we commit what we have into His hands. There are many beautiful women who desire to bring change into our world yet do not know how to start so do not feel alone. Seek out these partnerships. We may not be able to do everything but we can certainly do something. And if it makes a difference to just one person, it is still a difference. For every life is valuable and deserves a fair go.

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North Korea's Pleasure Squad

May 13, 2010, 3:30 pm Melissa Field, Marie Claire

A young woman tells of Kim Jong-il's secret group of female servants.

Sitting stiffly behind her desk, ebony hair forming a shiny frame around her perfectly symmetrical face, North Korean schoolgirl Mi-hyang was engrossed in her studies when two men entered her bleakly utilitarian classroom.

The men, both in their 40s and wearing the crisp, bemedalled green uniforms of soldiers of the people's republic, scanned the room. They knew precisely who they were looking for: pupils who were comely, yet virtuous; girls who might fulfil the rigorous requirements of the country's Supreme Leader, Kim Jong-il. Suddenly, with a barely perceptible tip of his head, one of the guards signalled to Mi-hyang.

"You!" the man barked. "Come with us." The scared schoolgirl had just passed the first of many exacting tests required for selection into Gippeumjo - Kim Jong-il's infamous and, until now, highly secretive "pleasure squad". She was 15 years old.

"They made a detailed record of my family history and school record," said Mi-hyang. "I was also asked whether I had ever slept with a boy. I felt so ashamed to hear such a question."

The beautiful student had been set on the path of service to Kim Jong-il for at least the next 10 years. During that time, she would be refused any contact with her family. She'd devote each waking moment to servicing every pleasure and whim of the man known in North Korea as "Dear Leader". Refusal was not an option. Any attempt at dissent, or to defect, was an offence punishable by death.

But, after two years service, Mi-hyang did defect. She has told her story in a series of interviews for a blog called Nambuk Story ("the story of North and South Korea"), run by fellow North Korea defector Joo Sung-ha. The first account of its kind from a source close to the reclusive 68-year-old leader, experts say Mi-hyang's insights into life with the elite in the Democratic People's Republic of Korea, the world's most secretive communist regime, is invaluable.

Kim Seong-min, the head of South Korea's Free North Korea Radio, and a former propaganda officer in the North Korean army, says it's a credible account.

"There is so much detail about Kim Jong-il [and] it reveals information not previously known about the Leader," he states.

Seong-min says that while testimonies of North Korean defectors often appear in South Korean media, it's the detail in Mi-hyang's story and her access to Kim Jong-il that stands out.

Korea expert Aidan Foster-Carter says the Gippeumjo was established during the reign of Kim Jong-il's father Kim Il-sung, who died in 1994. The squad consists of the Gamujo - a group who entertain Kim Jong-il and the elite with song and dance routines; the Haengbokjo ("happiness team") who are responsible for massages; and the Manjokjo ("satisfaction team") who provide sexual services to Kim Jong-il and his favoured associates.

To preserve her anonymity and protect friends still inside the pleasure squad, Mi-hyang doesn't specify which division she was assigned to, but insists she was never required to perform sexual services.

"Kim Jong-il displayed a basic sense of morality," she says, before conceding that when drunk, the leader could become "somewhat perverted". She adds: "He would touch my head and hold my hands, but he never called me for intimate moments because I was still a student and not over 20 years old. I think he would have done so if I had stayed a little longer."

Nevertheless, for two years, Mi-hyang travelled with Kim Jong-il, his favoured officials and other women in the pleasure squad, spending time in his opulent homes around the capital Pyongyang, or weekending in his country homes in the Kangdong or Yongsung provinces. Often, she shared a room with one of

Kim Jong-il's most favoured lovers, another recruit named Mi-ok.

"She thought I would be her successor," reveals Mi-hyang. "But she was never jealous of me and treated me as if I was her blood sister. She used to hold me tightly and tell me that I would follow in her footsteps. I was lonely in there, but she was lonely as well, so we became friends."

In keeping with protocol impressed on them at school, the women were supposed to refer to one another as "comrade" in private, says Mi-hyang, but "when we were alone in our room she had me call her sister. She often talked about her brother who she missed a lot. We both missed our families terribly."

Foster-Carter says that up to 2000 women are conscripted to the pleasure squad at any one time. They're aged between 18 and 40, yet most are under 25.

"You can equate a young woman's service in a pleasure squad to any other form of mandatory service in a communist regime," adds Foster-Carter, who writes the "Pyongyang Watch" column in the Asia Times Online. "She's an employee of the state just as a young man conscripted to the army is. The preservation of the Dear Leader's wellbeing through a social enjoyment program is just as important as maintaining military strength and, as such, is run as a vitally important state department."

Barbara Demick, the Los Angeles Times's Korea correspondent and author of Nothing To Envy: Love, Life And Death In North Korea (HarperCollins, $35), says the choice for women coerced into the pleasure squad is stark.

"A woman selected for the Gippeumjo will know she will be fed, she will be housed and she will be cared for. Plus, she'll be fulfilling her duty to the Dear Leader," she explains.

A document issued by the ruling Korean Workers' Party (in power since 1948 and established by Kim Jong-il's father) and carrying the unwieldy title The Project to Guarantee Longevity of the Great Leader and the Dear Leader is the Sacred Duty of all Party Members and Party Committees outlines the exacting standards required for selection to the hitherto highly secretive squad.

At the start of the school year, local officials visit all senior girls' high schools to check out prospective candidates. Of the most suitable girls found nationwide, a selection of 50 is made by The Fifth Section of the Organisation Department (the unit responsible for the pleasure squad) and sent to Kim Jong-il's Bodyguard Bureau (staffed solely by orphans chosen for their unwavering loyalty to the leader). Kim Jong-il then personally selects that year's intake of 15-20 recruits. He has exacting tastes.

According to Mi-hyang, "Those over 165cm are excluded because Kim Jong-il is short." As well, prospective recruits should have "skin unblemished by scars, her voice should be soft and feminine

and her medical history should be sound. She must, of course, also be a virgin."

Once chosen, the new recruits undertake a rigorous training regimen. For six months, each young woman is assigned to one of Kim Jong-il's many luxurious villas and palaces around the country

- including his lavish secret lair underneath Mount Baekdusan on the border with China.

Many pleasure squad ingenues are sent overseas to perfect their song, dance and massage skills and then typically, if they are chosen by Kim Jong-il for full admittance into the cadre, are required to sign a pledge of allegiance in their own blood. They are then inducted into one of the teams.

For ordinary North Koreans who revere - publicly at least - the country's leader as akin to a god, an encounter with the man himself is a momentous and terrifying event. For Mi-hyang, it was a bit of a letdown: "He looked so normal, like a next door neighbour," she reveals. "He has many brown spots on his face and his teeth were yellowish. My previous imaginations about the Dear Leader were shattered at that very moment, but he was very considerate towards me."

Kim Jong-il rechristened his newest recruit Mi-hyang - it means "beautiful scent" - as he considered her original name to be too provincial. The change was registered by the Central Party and all personal documents were altered to record Mi-hyang's new moniker.

"I believe the prefix 'Mi' means 'his woman', so most of us were rechristened in this fashion," she explains. Although he bestowed the name, the Dear Leader didn't always remember it. "After a couple of drinks, he would point his finger and constantly repeat questions, like 'Are you Mi-ok [meaning "beautiful skin like jade"] or Mi-hyang?'" she recalls.

Kim Jong-il, she says, could be a maudlin drunk. He loved Japanese and Russian music and would have the girls sing sad songs that often made him cry.

But as ruthlessly as he recruited his harem, when the women reached a certain age - usually about 25 - Kim Jong-il showed little sentiment in cutting them loose. Pleasure squad retirees are typically married off to other members of the North Korean elite, where their history of service to the Dear Leader is conveniently glossed over. Unlike their fellow citizens, who have suffered in decrepit dwellings through years of drought and famine, former members of the Gippeumjo are rewarded with homes in elite gated compounds with abundant power, paved roads and lushly landscaped gardens.

Of course, luxury is a relative concept in a nation where TVs and radios are modified to receive only government stations, literature and the arts are strictly state-controlled, and the average salary is about $40 a month. Along with these privations, a series of devastating natural disasters in the late '90s led to a complete breakdown of the nation's agricultural infrastructure. Barbara Demick says an estimated 600,000 to two million North Koreans perished over three years during widespread famines.

If the Dear Leader was moved by such hardship, he hid it well. As his country fell into rack and ruin and his comrades starved, Kim Jong-il led the life of an aristocrat with stables of thoroughbred horses, homes stocked with vintage French wines and cognacs, a bevy of international chefs at his disposal, as well as his troupe of female "entertainers".

Although he dined regularly on pheasant, which he hunted himself, and the finest sushi, the leader's favoured food was shark.

"Kim Jong-il once recommended a dish to me and asked if I knew what it was," says Mi-hyang. "When I replied that I did not, he said it was 'stuff' - meaning the genitalia - of a shark. When I heard that, I almost vomited." He believed adding shark genitalia to his diet would benefit his stamina and be good for his female cohorts' skin.

Mi-hyang's trips around the country with Kim Jong-il and his entourage were always taken by rail, as the leader, like his father, has a flight phobia. They would travel by armoured train, to which delicacies such as live lobster were airlifted daily, in order to spend time in the Dear Leader's numerous residences.

The most impressive of them, says Mi-hyang, is his estate deep under Mount Baekdusan. "We once travelled 40 minutes on an underground road to get to a villa," she recalls. "The road had only one lane. This is a very special place to him. The underground villa was especially fancy; to North Korean standards it was extremely luxurious, with a 50-metre swimming pool. One noticeable aspect of the pool was the big portrait of the leader on the bottom. The centre of the portrait was decorated with gold tiles," explains Mi-hyang. Kim Jong-il's subterranean lair - his planned retreat should the country come under attack - is large enough to store helicopters and fighter jets.

The lavish lifestyle is afforded Kim Jong-il in his "leader as deity" role, explains Foster-Carter. "Jong-il, like

his father before him, is at the very epicentre of an elaborate cult of personality in which he is central, like a religious figure, to the lives of ordinary North Koreans, and he lives accordingly. Even if most ordinary people were aware how extravagantly their Dear Leader lived in comparison to themselves, it's likely fear of reprisal would prevent any dissent."

And yet, Mi-hyang risked her life to defect, after her family was accused of treason and orders issued for their execution. A scared and confused Mi-hyang says, "I was told that Kim gave an order not to kill me. Perhaps I owe him my life."

For fear of reprisals against her extended family (whose fate she does not know) and friends left behind, Mi-hyang won't reveal when she was recruited or how and when she escaped, yet Barbara Demick says a trickle of defectors do make it out of North Korea each year.

"If they have the money or the connections, they can be smuggled into China and then, with fake passports, fly to South Korea. South Korea holds itself out as the rightful government of the whole peninsula, so if North Korean subjects can make it to the south, they're entitled to citizenship." Others who slip into China make their way to European embassies where they request asylum, adds Demick. "China's policy, out of loyalty to its communist ally, is to send North Korean defectors straight home, where they face incarceration in labour camps, or worse."

Even in South Korea- Mi-hyang now lives in the capital, Seoul - officials say it's possible she is being monitored by agents working for her former boss. The owner of the Nambuk Story blog, Joo Sung-ha, says he and Mi-hyang were warned by South Korean authorities not to publish her story, with Sung-ha revealing he receives death threats "all the time".

Despite the dangers, Mi-hyang's story has shone a light on one of the most sinister regimes in the world today. And she has no regrets.

"I was all alone in there," she recalls. "Mi-ok once said to me, 'You and I will live a very lonely life.' Her voice was sad when she spoke these words; she was a nice person. I miss her ... I worry about those I left behind."

Friday, 14 May 2010

From the heart of a Muslim - Tawfik Hamid

I was born a Muslim and have lived all my life as a follower of Islam.

After the barbaric terrorist attacks done by the hands of my fellow Muslims everywhere on this globe, and after the too many violent acts by Islamists in many parts of the world, I feel responsible as a Muslim and as a human being, to speak out and tell the truth to protect the world and Muslims as well from a coming catastrophe and war of civilizations.

I have to admit that our current Islamic teaching creates violence and hatred toward Non-Muslims. We Muslims are the ones who need to change. Until now we have accepted polygamy, the beating of women by men, and killing those who convert from Islam to other religions.

We have never had a clear and strong stand against the concept of slavery or wars, to spread our religion and to subjugate others to Islam and force them to pay a humiliating tax called Jizia. We ask others to respect our religion while all the time we curse non-Muslims loudly (in Arabic) in our Friday prayers in the Mosques.

What message do we convey to our children when we call the Jews "Descendants of the pigs and monkeys"... Is this a message of love and peace, or a message of hate?

I have been into churches and synagogues where they were praying for Muslims. While all the time we curse them, and teach our generations to call them infidels, and to hate them.

We immediately jump in a 'knee jerk reflex' to defend Prophet Mohammed when someone accuses him of being a pedophile while, at the same time, we are proud with the story in our Islamic books, that he married a young girl seven years old (Aisha) when he was above 50 years old.

I am sad to say that many, if not most of us, rejoiced in happiness after September 11th and after many other terror attacks.

Muslims denounce these attacks to look good in front of the media, but we condone the Islamic terrorists and sympathise with their cause. Till now our 'reputable' top religious authorities have never issued a Fatwa or religious statement to proclaim Bin Laden as an apostate, while an author, like Rushdie, was declared an apostate who should be killed according to Islamic Shariia law just for writing a book criticizing Islam.

Muslims demonstrated to get more religious rights as we did in France to stop the ban on the Hejab (Head Scarf), while we did not demonstrate with such passion and in such numbers against the terrorist murders.

It is our absolute silence against the terrorists that gives the energy to these terrorists to continue doing their evil acts. We Muslims need to stop blaming our problems on others or on the Israeli/Palestinian conflict. As a matter of honesty, Israel is the only light of democracy, civilization, and human rights in the whole Middle East.

We kicked out the Jews with no compensation or mercy from most of the Arab countries to make them "Jews-Free countries" while Israel accepted more than a million Arabs to live there, have its nationality, and enjoy their rights as human beings. In Israel , women can not be beaten legally by men, and any person can change his/her belief system with no fear of being killed by the Islamic law of 'Apostasy,' while in our Islamic world people do not enjoy any of these rights.. I agree that the 'Palestinians' suffer, but they suffer because of their corrupt leaders and not because of Israel.

It is not common to see Arabs who live in Israel leaving to live in the Arab world. On the other hand, we used to see thousands of Palestinians going to work with happiness in Israel, its 'enemy'. If Israel treats Arabs badly as some people claim, surely we would have seen the opposite happening.

We Muslims need to admit our problems and face them. Only then we can treat them and start a new era to live in harmony with human mankind. Our religious leaders have to show a clear and very strong stand against polygamy, pedophilia, slavery, killing those who convert from Islam to other religions, beating of women by men, and declaring wars on non-Muslims to spread Islam.

Then, and only then, do we have the right to ask others to respect our religion. The time has come to stop our hypocrisy and say it openly: 'We Muslims have to Change'.

Tawfik Hamid is an Egyptian scholar and author opposed to Islam fundamentalism.

Tuesday, 11 May 2010

Go ahead, write!


When you write the Word of God upon your heart, you ordain your path and predict your future. You are to partner with God to help women and girls ordain their paths and predict their futures. Many of them live under bondage and are repeatedly crushed by the brokenness in this world. Many are deceived, thinking they are worth nothing and deserve nothing good. But they are God's beloved. He has a plan to prosper and not harm them; to give them hope and an amazing future. He sent His Son so they could not just have a mediocre life but an abundant life, full of His love, kindness, grace, justice and blessings.

Write the Word of God upon your heart. Lay down your armour so you may know Him intimately even more than the closest of friends. In the purity of this relationship you are safe and secure. From this place, reach out to the women and the children. Let them know how beautiful and precious they really are.  Demonstrate to them the Father's heart. Teach them the truth, love them, esteem and honour them. Let them know God is holding out freedom to them in the warmth of His hands. Let them know He is there to protect and deliver them as they entrust their lives to His sovereignty.  That He comes first to heal and restore them; to lift their heads and fill their hearts with joy and their minds with peace.

You are the bringer of God's hope. You have been given the keys to set the captives free. To release those oppressed by sin, devastation, and suffering. To be God's mouthpiece on this earth to your generation and to those He places in your lifetime. Give them revelation because a lack of information enslaves. They are God's bride and He is not interested in marrying a slave. He adores His bride and has laid His life down for them.  He sees them as individuals, having made them unique and He says they are fearfully and wonderfully formed and He knows them personally and deeply. He calls them His friends.

You are not a dictator. Your role is not to give a list of rules and regulations to harness holiness. You are called to watch over and guard the minds and hearts of the people from the deceit that keeps them in the dark and hurts them. You are called to bring the revelation of who God is. Who Christ is. Who the Holy Spirit is. From there they will have a revelation of their identity. An identity they should own as opposed to the false one they are being made to believe everyday. Give them knowledge so they will not be destroyed. As they receive the truth, God will make clear to them the resources they have to experience the abundant life He has already provided by going to the cross for them.

Do not shun the wisdom God has bestowed upon you but let that wisdom guide you. Use it to nurture others. Those who have insight will shine like the brightness of the stars. The Father's image will be restored in those you reach. They will recognise their value, beauty, strength and potential to accomplish much. You are a leader, a trailblazer. Lead them into righteousness. They are one step away from living as the royalty they truly are. God promises them the nations as their inheritance, not a mansion or luxury car or branded bag that does not last. Make an impact in their lives and they will make an impact in the lives of even more.

So write down the vision He is showing you. Write down what He is placing on your heart. Write down His promises and don't forget them. Write down your story and the stories of those you encounter. For God will cause those words to birth life. You are His miracle and with Him you are His miracle maker.

Tuesday, 23 February 2010

Kendall Payne - Touch


It's upon us to do something

Who's going to stop child abuse? Who's going to stop rape? It's upon us to do something. Not just stand by. So many times I ask God to intervene and it's like He poses the question back to me because He's given me the authority to be His representative. But I cannot do it on my own strength. I need His perspective, His wisdom, His boldness and love. I struggle with His timing yet He is not a God who lets His people down. He is our protector and deliverer. I just need to learn to understand His heart and align myself with what He's doing. The things I cannot see for myself.

Monday, 22 February 2010

New Things and Things Not So New


Lord, I'm still struggling. Struggling to accept Your timing on things. Well, mainly one big thing. The very massively huge thing about rape and abuse and the suffering of children (this covers sickness like cancer, disabilities, heart disease). Yes, I wrap that into one mega ginormous category called "injustice".

There are heaps of other very crucial areas to be addressed but these are the top of the list on my heart and mind, and have been a deep burden since I was little. How little exactly I do not recall but one day the thoughts started flooding my mind and wouldn't go away. And then they got worse. I know much has been and is being done but it all just seems to pale in comparison with the amount and intensity of pain that has struck our world.

I am waiting for the day You turn this burden into vision and I am released into a work that directly or even indirectly addresses this disgusting reality. But why does Your perfect plan span over such a looooooong period of time? Apart from being patient with those You desire will repent and turn back to You, what about those who are suffering under the oppression, the suffocating fear that threatens to bring insanity, the excruciating physical pain? Though they do not know You and have not lived according to Your ways, I very sincerely wish there could be a lot more intervention.

Hearing or reading about what some of those perverse men do to the women and the children makes me downright ill. There's a moment where my head starts spinning and my heart aches and I cannot decide which I need to do more - cry, throw up or scream. I've discovered that shutting myself in the bedroom wardrobe and sitting beneath my hanging clothes while holding my knees to my face, rocking gently and calling on God's Name repeatedly has a slight calming effect after a good ten to fifteen minutes. God, I hope You are hearing me on this. The facts are incredibly overwhelming.

Last night after the sermon, Chung prayed for me. The word she received was that God is going to unravel a surprise. As I spend time enjoying His presence and seek Him on what I am to do during this break and after, He will lead me to something new. Something I have never done before and have yet to gain experience in. That is a relief considering I was stuck in my previous job. There is a little apprehension on my part but mostly curiosity at the moment. Lord, may I be patient. Patience has never been one of my virtues. Never. Ask my husband. God did promise it will bring joy to me. Bring on the joy, I say! I am needin' me some of that! Thank You for speaking to me God. For assuring me You're still in control of everything and it's going to be "OKAY".

Monday, 8 February 2010

Melbourne Reflections




Psalm 97: 10 "Let those who love the LORD hate evil, for he guards the lives of his faithful ones and delivers them from the hand of the wicked"

It was Tuesday. Fab's birthday. And he had gone to class and would not be back until 6:30 in time for us to get dinner and enjoy the sights and sounds of Melbourne city (the wonderful thing about going to Melbourne at this time of year, what with daylight saving and all, is that the sun does not go down until closer to 9 every night). I had walked from our hotel to the Carlton Gardens and was heading back into the centre of the city, just past the City Museum in the Old Treasury Building, when a hand was extended to me. With a distinct Scottish accent, the handsome, blonde young man smiled broadly and said, "Hi, how are you? What's your name? I'm Niall". My defences started going up although, as if on auto-pilot, I smiled in return and responded as if sure of myself.

That started our thirty-minute conversation about the terrible political, economical and social issues that engulf places like Darfur, Sudan and Congo (both in Africa), and the resulting work of the UNHCR. Niall is a representative from the Melbourne office of this refugee agency. His job is to bring awareness to the local community and encourage people, such as myself, to register as an ongoing sponsor for as little as thirty dollars a month. I say little now, but despite his strongly persuasive message of the reality people in such oppressed areas are facing, I was incredibly hesitant to make the commitment and found myself offering a number of weak suggestions and lame excuses to avoid making a decision on the spot. The case he put forward eventually changed my mind and, after explaining the situation to Fab that night, he too agreed that it would be good to be involved. I will not bombard you with the details but please take the time to read through the UNHCR website and inform yourself of what is taking place in our own world. I've known of these issues for some time now, yet though I have been burdened by them at some point or another, I have also quickly forgotten and allowed the trivial things in life to get in the way. Apart from using these stories in my arguments with God and then vainly attempting to humble myself and pray, I have done nothing in the way of practical action. This is my first step.

The Lord detests evil. He has placed us on earth as his representatives, to 're-present' Jesus (in the words of Dutch Sheets, author of 'Intercessory Prayer' which I am currently reading). We are to continue the work Jesus started through His powerful ministry. I need to learn to intercede (mediate, act as a 'go-between') well for the people who are suffering in this world. And for those who are so broken that they bring suffering. As Dutch explains, we intercede to bring about a meeting between God and these people, that they may come to experience His love, healing and restoration. Through our intercessory prayers we meet too with the kingdom of darkness, to claim the life, joy, hope and future that Satan has robbed from these people. We violently destroy Satan's hold over these ones and take back the authority they once had in God.

This is what I need to do as my giving money to an organisation that is providing help to those in pain is not enough. I hope that my intercession will eventually see a revival in those lands and revival even in our midst such that relief aid is no longer required. So that people can feel safe once again in their own homes and rest in the knowledge that their children are secure. I walked away from my time with Niall feeling heavy. I asked God why I was the one approached amongst the sea of Melbournites in their swish suits and fancy accessories. Why I was chosen when I presented in a rather worn t-shirt and a pair of simple black shorts with faded slippers on my sun-kissed feet. Why this challenge had been brought to me at a time when I had just resigned from full time work, which meant no income. I wondered whether I would be posing an even greater burden to Fab for his pay will now have to feed us both, cover our mortgage repayments and bear the weight of all the other bills that will steam in steadily. I questioned my place to make this decision on our behalf, being the one who is failing to contribute to our finances now. My only justification (or perhaps consolation) was that I had delayed the first payment to the organisation to the middle of March and was told that if I needed to, I could call before that date to cancel my sponsorship. It seemed cruel to pull the plug on the people who need this money more than I do but I felt cornered and then rash and foolish for jumping in.


God answered me last night during Pastor Lance's sermon on "Wealth in its Proper Place". I looked over at Fab and whispered, "perhaps I should not make the call". He nodded in agreement. I felt convicted. A dollar a day gives 500 people clean water, Niall said. Imagine that. We take so much for granted. Alright, maybe I ought to just speak for myself. I take much for granted. I have never been in want. Never been in a position where I have had to fight or beg for the basics like fresh water, a roof above my head, clothes on my back. These people have. UNHCR gives them shelter, utilities, education and training to be self sustaining in the future. But most of all they give the people protection. 80% of these people are women and children for they are the ones left vulnerable in villages ravaged by the militia. Sexual assault is rife and happens to females from the age of under 1 to 90. Young boys are snatched from their families and a gun is thrust into their hands. They are the Child Soldiers. The government does nothing. In fact, in Darfur, the government is to blame. They have created monsters. And for what? Power and profit. Their greed and lust for the things of this world deceive them and they give themselves over to be puppets of the devil, destroying lives one community at a time.

That afternoon, after my talk with Niall and more time spent in the city, I returned hungry and flushed to the hotel. I sat on the edge of the bed with my bread roll in one hand and my head in the other. Why was I still in two hearts (you may say minds if you like but I am more a feeler)? I ate quickly and soon settled into a comfortable position with the television running in the background. My mind wandered and soon I found myself drifting off to sleep. I turned to hit the remote and lay in silence. But then I heard my heart skip. My irrational fears returned as thought after thought of someone suddenly breaking into the room and hurting me flooded in. I remembered this feeling. This paranoia. It was all too familiar. I have had it every time I have been alone in a house (when I was studying and renting with friends, these times would be when the others were on holiday and the place was mine for maybe a week or two. Since I got married, these times would be when Fab has been away for a work trip). I was scared yet, as with all other times, my head was telling me how illogical I was being. I called on God.

For the first time He gave me a different perspective. "Remember Christine's testimony last Sunday? How she shared about her meeting with Brendon and then mentioned that she felt overwhelmingly frightened as she approached the estate she lives in later that night and all the lights in the building and along the street went out for a couple of minutes? She cried out to me and I revealed to her that people like Brendon have lived their whole lives in darkness. Christine knew I was showing her what it was like to be without me and how much my people need me, for she experienced such relief when she could once again see the path in front of her to make her way home. All this while you have feared for your own safety but I want you simply to know for now that what you have been feeling is a glimpse into the lives of those women. Though you are protected you fear. Your mind imagines the worst. But you can still brush these thoughts away eventually and find rest at night. These women find no rest. What you fear the most is their reality. They cannot change the channel on the television set. They cannot just pack up their family and things and move to another country. They are bounded. They are trapped. What you feel is just the tiniest percentage of the real and rational fear they carry. Fear for their lives and for their children's' lives. I have given you one way to get involved."

This is a beginning for me. A new chapter. Pastor Lance believes that God is turning years of burden into burning, driving vision. I will eventually find my feet and rise to do greater things for God and for His people. I will trust God for His providence and guidance. This is my journey.

Thursday, 3 December 2009

I give myself permission

Some weeks ago, Pastor Lailing came to preach at our church service. She gave words of prophecy over some of us sitting in the congregation. Mine was that God is going to give me a real heart for motherhood, a heart to look after (shepherd) young women and speak words of knowledge and hope into their lives. This whole mother thing has been a hugely sensitive issue with me and so the minute she mentioned the word motherhood, I burst, uncontrollably, into tears. Well, a silent, slow streaming down my cheeks kind of bursting into tears, not a dramatic, loud, sudden movement with sobbing type.

After her sermon, I responded to the altar call and Pastor Lance prayed for me. I can't quite recall what he said but I think he mentioned asking God to give me peace of mind and hope in my heart. Two things I really need, more so now than ever before. He sensed that God wanted to bring breakthrough in my life and that there was an inner healing of sorts that needed to be done. He asked Belle to continue praying over me. To date, Belle has had two visions (two as far as what she has shared) of me with a baby and the word she received from the Lord was that when the time comes, it will bring me joy and I will be a good mother despite my fears of making terrible mistakes.

When Belle was at Bethel, she received a great breakthrough over her life and healing for deeply rooted hurts and negative mindsets she had developed, more so of herself, as a result of traumatic past experiences. One clear message she got as some of the leaders at the Church there prayed for her was that God wanted her to say, "I give myself permission to be beautiful", a phrase she struggled greatly to utter as she did not quite believe it. When she finally proclaimed the truth that she is beautiful in God's eyes, something within her shifted. There was a paradigm shift and a lifting of the burdens that had weighed upon her heart and spirit and influenced the way she carried herself and engaged with others. She said her head immediately shot up and she couldn't hang it low anymore and she heard the words, "Daughter of the King, arise! Lift your head!" As she prayed for me, she sensed that I needed a similar breakthrough, to cut the ties I have with my past in that I no longer partner with the lies of the Enemy and live as if on crutches. She kept praying and I kept bawling but I just could not say the words, "I give myself permission to be beautiful, I give myself permission to experience enjoyment, I give myself permission to be happy". God was telling me that I am precious in His eyes and that He has given me life to live to the full. It's not to say I am allowed to just run amuck and do whatever I want without considering others, but it does mean I don't have to feel like I can never feel fulfilled in life and take pleasure from my experiences. Even today, I can say these words out loud but I know that deep inside, I don't quite believe in them. That breakthrough hasn't come yet and I am still debilitated in some way.

Don't get me wrong, I do have happy moments in life. I have had many enjoyable experiences and laughed much and just been joyful and appreciative of who I have in my life and what I have. But as my burdens for social injustice have increased, I have also noticed some odd thought patterns. I know I have always harboured a certain prejudice against men. Well, not all men (like I would not include my father or grandfather in this category and certain others closer to me) but a sort of blanket bias against the male 'species'.

Sadly, most of my frustrations are directed towards God at the end of the day because He designed us. I understand that sin has greatly marred His original plan but I still go to Him because I don't know who else to cry out to. He has the power to change atmospheres, and situations, and people. I'm sure He knows exactly where I am coming from and what I am thinking and feeling though I cannot find the words to fully express myself without going into a frenzy. But at the end of the day, it's mostly me talking and not really comprehending what His side of the story is. That's the missing key to my breakthrough - tuning fully to the channel He is on and just listening to His perspective on what's happening.

I find myself asking more questions in relation to, "Why are women and girls across the globe at a disadvantage?" Since the Fall, they have largely been the ones abused, shunned, oppressed, disregarded, and given the message they are worth less than nothing. Yes men do bear the brunt of gross mistreatment but I am referring to a much broader scale. If we were to compare the social issues affecting males and females in the world since the Beginning, I am convinced the statistics would tip towards the latter. Perhaps I am greatly deceived or misinformed. Perhaps this is what I believe as this is what I have somehow chosen to see. But really, did I choose my burdens and my call? I thought they were bestowed upon me for me to bring light and cause change. I listen to painful birth stories or reports about rape or forced prostitution or about male dominated societies and immediately I turn and question God, yet again, with "Does it really have to be this bad?

I know Eve took the first bite and the curse was placed but why do females seem to be far more cursed and why is it this has not lifted (or at least for those who trust in You), do You really intend for this to go on until the End? Yes, yes, I have heard about the supernatural births and all those other fabulous stories. Yes, You have healed many women, yes there are many associations that address the issues women face, perhaps more so than for men...but men, they just don't understand. They don't relate, do they? They get it easy, right?" And the tirade of thoughts and questions go on. And now I look at them and I can try to reason with myself that I am being ridiculous and there is so much I do not know and fail to grasp but why am I just so convinced that some men are the enemy and God is taking a long time to fix things? Why do I hate being asked about motherhood? Why do I sometimes bear a slight resentment towards my husband when he clearly hasn't chosen for me to hurt? Why are the questions getting stronger and the grudge growing deeper?

Also, why do I feel that I have no right to be completely happy even if my circumstances are perfectly good? Why do I have this constant urge to tell people when I have not slept well or am unwell or going through a challenging time of some form? Why I do I feel the need to prove that my life is not really as peachy as it seems just so I don't get falsely judged as being one those incredibly fortunate people who is blessed with a wonderful life? Why is it a bad thing to be known as one of those people? I wish that for so many people I know so is it such a terrible thing if I had that too? Why do I feel guilty for being happy and immediately regress to dwelling over the social injustice issues that sit at the back of my head all the time and battling with God and crying and feeling horrible on the inside even though I look normal and fine on the outside, sitting at my desk doing my work or chatting with someone in church? Why is it I can think about these things and feel burdened 24/7, even in my dreams and even while doing something fun? Why are the fears always there? Why is the heaviness in my heart and spirit always there? Why do I feel I am doing those women and children a great injustice by enjoying myself? It's affected my marriage in some ways. And I have only myself to blame for that because I cannot get rid of the thoughts, the images, the associated nausea that wells up from within when my mind runs wild picturing what they must be enduring.

I don't think God has ever meant for any of us to live like this. So why have I, why do I? Why am I not activating my faith? Where have I placed it? Why have I been so irresponsible with this gift to look beyond the circumstances to His glory, to His love and grace and work on earth? Lord, I don't want to have a twisted take on the world, on You, on myself, on others. I don't want to be biased and judgemental and criticise the things You do. I want to walk with You and release the burdens to You in the way You want me to. Help me tune in to You so I know how to do just this. How to partner with You and not speak against You in my heart. How to love even when I am not loved back.

I don't want to fret over the questions that bombard my mind. I want to throw them aside and be effective. You know I ask so much more than what I have written here today. You know what goes through my head and how strongly I feel about the issues that tug on my heart. The voices that grow louder as I see the pain in this world and want to be their mouthpiece because no one seems to be speaking on their behalf enough or in a way that sits well with You and so moves something in the heavenly realms to bring the much needed change. I don't think I'm even making sense to anyone else right now but You know me and You get what I'm saying and crying out to You for. I need You so much Lord because I don't even have the strength to live for anyone else. It has to be for You. I have to live for You and see You as more than enough. For me, for my family, for the women and the children, for this world.
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