A couple of days after the wedding ceremony in Brisbane, we flew to Singapore to host a traditional sit-down 10-course Chinese dinner for relatives and family friends. As usual, neither of us got to eat, which is why the hotel prepares supper for couples and serves it in the honeymoon suite after all the guests have retired for the night. During one of the days leading up to the dinner, Fab and I had professional indoor/outdoor photos taken as part of the package we purchased from one of the bridal studios in Singapore - the one that included my gown, his suit, the bridesmaid dresses...I quite like this one because of the lighting.
Saturday, 28 February 2009
Studio Wedding Photos
A couple of days after the wedding ceremony in Brisbane, we flew to Singapore to host a traditional sit-down 10-course Chinese dinner for relatives and family friends. As usual, neither of us got to eat, which is why the hotel prepares supper for couples and serves it in the honeymoon suite after all the guests have retired for the night. During one of the days leading up to the dinner, Fab and I had professional indoor/outdoor photos taken as part of the package we purchased from one of the bridal studios in Singapore - the one that included my gown, his suit, the bridesmaid dresses...I quite like this one because of the lighting.
"Learning to think properly"
Took this off Boy's blog. Always a good reminder for someone like me whose mind tends to go into overdrive and be linked with my tangled emotions.
is this what love is
1 John 3:18 "Dear children, let us not love with words or tongue but with actions and in truth."
Love is not represented by a symbol around our neck
Love is not about mushy notes to someone of the opposite gender
Love is not lust
Love is not demonstrated in a parade where a lack of self control is displayed, where drugs and alcohol and rowdy behaviour with cuss words line the scene
Is our generation missing the point? The words "I love you" are spoken like a commercial slogan with little depth. It is uttered or even loudly proclaimed as a means to manipulate for personal gain. You may have heard the saying, "guys will "give" love to get sex, girls will give sex to try and gain love". Well it doesn't work that way. Since when was love about forcing another to do something beyond their own comfort and convictions? When was it about controlling another's life, restricting their freedom, possessively demanding they tell you where they are at all times and who they're with? No! Love is about trust, about sacrificing willingly and with joy, in a non-demeaning manner. Love is about living at a standard where you choose to refrain from saying or doing something that can cause another pain. Love is about thinking ahead on how your words and actions affect others. Love does not give you the right to beat someone up when you think they're not meeting your expectations. Love protects and encourages. Love forgives and seeks the best for and in others. Love is not merely a warm and fuzzy feeling or unbridled passion in bed. Love has integrity. Love is honest. It does not delight in evil. Love chooses to be committed even when emotions do not seem to match up at every point. Love knows when to let go but never gives up in believing in the other person.
I know there are times I use the phrase lightly, "I love those shoes! I absolutely love that stationery store! I adore IKEA furniture!" You get the drift. When I say "I love you" to God, to Fab, to people, I don't want to mean it in the same way I say I love my black earrings. I want my love to be a decision that weathers all storms, that comes from the bottom of my being, that is true.
I know there are times I use the phrase lightly, "I love those shoes! I absolutely love that stationery store! I adore IKEA furniture!" You get the drift. When I say "I love you" to God, to Fab, to people, I don't want to mean it in the same way I say I love my black earrings. I want my love to be a decision that weathers all storms, that comes from the bottom of my being, that is true.
Friday, 27 February 2009
Steal, Kill and Destroy
That's the devil's grand scheme and it's been working like a charm since Eve took a bite into the fruit forbidden by God. I could be biased but I still think women and children have it the worst across the globe. From childbirth pains to the oppression of a male dominated society to pornography, rape and the sex trade. God, please make it end. People are becoming more ruthless and more business minded in their dealings with the lives of others. Women and children are seen as objects, tools, a means to great profit. I've heard people say that some women deserve to be raped. That they were "asking for it" because of the way they dressed and carried themselves or simply because they chose to walk into a bad area. No one deserves that. No one. She may have made unwise choices but no one deserves such cruelty. Have those men no sense of self control? No shred of humanity? Something must be done. And we're God's ambassadors, His soldiers, the very people He will move through, accomplish His work of restoration through. I want to be ready. Are you?
I've been praying and interceding since I was old enough for any of these issues to come to my awareness and for any of it to make sense. I've become increasingly fearful though with every life story I hear (another rape, another child abuse, another case of human trafficking). But I don't want to be afraid. I want to make a difference. I want my prayers and my words and my actions to count. But how? I think about these things throughout my day. They weigh me down and I am ineffective. I am low on faith, low on morale. Lately I've been saying weird things to Fab like "I don't want to be here anymore. My life seems so meaningless, so dispensable", "What if I choose not to have children? Am I disobeying God because we're meant to multiply? But there are already so many children out there who need caring for, so many to rescue, to show love to, to be shown that they are precious and have a great purpose...so why is God wanting more children when we're not even doing a proper job with the ones we have?", "A lot of what goes on in this world is just horrible, has God heard any of my prayers? Have I been praying wrongly? I don't want to raise my own children here...what if God decides to allow one of us (one of our children) to go through something terrible as a trial to help us (them) grow spiritually?" Thinking back now I can probably talk back to myself and address these questions in light of God's word about trusting in Him and not in my own understanding. But there are times I just lose the plot.
God, may I never lose sight of You. I don't want to lose my grip on Your word. I want it to sink so deep into my being that I become more and more like You. More and more in tune with You. You called Moses Your friend. You confided in him and trusted that He would follow Your every word because He had come to know you so well. I want that kind of a relationship with You. But right now I am so far away and I am struggling so much to be convicted of the truth that is in Your word. Help me believe, help me trust. Help me reach out with boldness. Please forgive me for doubting, for questioning, for hating, for comparing myself to others.
A few weeks ago, Belle showed us (at life group) a video on 'Mama Heidi' (Heidi Baker), a woman who uprooted her whole life to reach out to the orphans in Africa. She has been through so much yet has found God's strength to keep going. At one point, when she felt particularly overwhelmed by all the shooting, by all the looting, and the opposition she and her family faced in trying to improve the health care for the people, she broke down before God. She felt saturated in God's love at that point and heard Him say, "I died that there would always be enough" and from that point, she kept receiving more orphans into her home, into the care of her ministry. God, I know in my head You are more than enough and there's more than enough for all the hurting. But help me grasp this in my heart and not feel so broken. I am inadequate but You are enough.
I've been praying and interceding since I was old enough for any of these issues to come to my awareness and for any of it to make sense. I've become increasingly fearful though with every life story I hear (another rape, another child abuse, another case of human trafficking). But I don't want to be afraid. I want to make a difference. I want my prayers and my words and my actions to count. But how? I think about these things throughout my day. They weigh me down and I am ineffective. I am low on faith, low on morale. Lately I've been saying weird things to Fab like "I don't want to be here anymore. My life seems so meaningless, so dispensable", "What if I choose not to have children? Am I disobeying God because we're meant to multiply? But there are already so many children out there who need caring for, so many to rescue, to show love to, to be shown that they are precious and have a great purpose...so why is God wanting more children when we're not even doing a proper job with the ones we have?", "A lot of what goes on in this world is just horrible, has God heard any of my prayers? Have I been praying wrongly? I don't want to raise my own children here...what if God decides to allow one of us (one of our children) to go through something terrible as a trial to help us (them) grow spiritually?" Thinking back now I can probably talk back to myself and address these questions in light of God's word about trusting in Him and not in my own understanding. But there are times I just lose the plot.
God, may I never lose sight of You. I don't want to lose my grip on Your word. I want it to sink so deep into my being that I become more and more like You. More and more in tune with You. You called Moses Your friend. You confided in him and trusted that He would follow Your every word because He had come to know you so well. I want that kind of a relationship with You. But right now I am so far away and I am struggling so much to be convicted of the truth that is in Your word. Help me believe, help me trust. Help me reach out with boldness. Please forgive me for doubting, for questioning, for hating, for comparing myself to others.
A few weeks ago, Belle showed us (at life group) a video on 'Mama Heidi' (Heidi Baker), a woman who uprooted her whole life to reach out to the orphans in Africa. She has been through so much yet has found God's strength to keep going. At one point, when she felt particularly overwhelmed by all the shooting, by all the looting, and the opposition she and her family faced in trying to improve the health care for the people, she broke down before God. She felt saturated in God's love at that point and heard Him say, "I died that there would always be enough" and from that point, she kept receiving more orphans into her home, into the care of her ministry. God, I know in my head You are more than enough and there's more than enough for all the hurting. But help me grasp this in my heart and not feel so broken. I am inadequate but You are enough.
crossing over
Fab and I have just crossed over the 6th month mark in our marriage. I know, for some you're probably wondering what the big deal is. Well, I'm just reveling in the delight which is our union. I still have to get down to posting photos from our honeymoon. They're all sitting in Fab's laptop and have not been edited. Anyway, will display a few really soon. Hopefully by this weekend in fact. Fab is an absolutely wonderful husband and I've come to know just how cheeky he can really be. He makes great cuddling material too. God sure has blessed my shoes off! (I generally don't wear shoes that require socks hence the change in expression)
My next little home project is to get some nice photos of us, of family and of friends developed or printed and put up on the wall together in small frames to make some sort of photo collage. Will be having breakfast at IKEA tomorrow (so looking forward to it because I love IKEA and they serve $2.50 hot breakfasts (scrambled eggs, bacon, a small pork sausage, half a tomato and two mini hash browns, 50cents extra if you want a serve of baked beans) and you can buy hot chocolate for $1.95 and keep refilling it and their hot dogs are only a buck and yes, I'm just a sucker for some of the items they sell though some things can be rather pricey - avoid those of course). Anyhoo, this is one of my goals for this year. This mini home project, that is, not stuffing my gob at IKEA or purchasing more furniture.
My next little home project is to get some nice photos of us, of family and of friends developed or printed and put up on the wall together in small frames to make some sort of photo collage. Will be having breakfast at IKEA tomorrow (so looking forward to it because I love IKEA and they serve $2.50 hot breakfasts (scrambled eggs, bacon, a small pork sausage, half a tomato and two mini hash browns, 50cents extra if you want a serve of baked beans) and you can buy hot chocolate for $1.95 and keep refilling it and their hot dogs are only a buck and yes, I'm just a sucker for some of the items they sell though some things can be rather pricey - avoid those of course). Anyhoo, this is one of my goals for this year. This mini home project, that is, not stuffing my gob at IKEA or purchasing more furniture.
Sunday, 22 February 2009
Living Love
Romans 13: 9-10" The commandments, "Do not commit adultery," "Do not murder," "Do not steal," "Do not covet," and whatever other commandment there may be, are summed up in this one rule: "Love your neighbor as yourself." Love does no harm to its neighbor. Therefore love is the fulfillment of the law."
When Christians talk about love being the higher standard to live to, others may think we're just being idealistic. They may think we're not grounded, not down to earth, not sensible or practical. Maybe they liken us to hippies. To people high on delusion. But it is far more difficult to let God's perfect love be what compels us, be our deep inner, honest motivation. We're not naturally completely selfless, completely sacrificial. And even when we do what is good or right, we may not do it with the right intentions or for the right reasons. We could merely be acting out of ingrained moral values, conscience, the desire to be accepted or praised. We could be acting out of obligation, responsibility or even fear. But the Bible makes it clear that everything we think, say and do comes to absolutely nothing unless fueled by love, by pure motives.
But that's what God's love and grace are about. He showed these while we were still sinners. He gave what was most precious to Him, He gave His own son, flesh and blood, His very life, that we might have life and have it to the full. He did not hold back, did not think twice. Yet there are so many times I do. And it's not even going to cost me anything, if I really think about it. It might just be a simple matter of my time, a minuscule amount of money, my attention and kindness. Yet already I guard these little things so preciously and deny others God's love through me. I think we can all consider this in our own lives.
This is one area I still struggle with. It's easy to do as I have always been taught. It's easy to do what is good when it is the social norm, when you know it is what is expected of you and people look upon it well. But there are times I know I grumble or complain to myself, times when I judge or criticise others, times when I even dread doing certain things for others. It could be because I would rather spend that time doing something for myself, or I don't enjoy the task, or worse, I don't particularly like the individual or know them very well. But none of these are justifications of my poor attitude, my lack of choosing to let God's love compel me. If I can fail in such simple circumstances, how would I respond to someone who genuinely hurts me? Could I actually love someone I would otherwise consider an enemy?
I once heard of a woman whose husband was killed when rebels attacked their village. The man who murdered her loved one was arrested and put away in prison. This woman could have felt relief over his capture, been pleased that some form of justice was being carried out. Yet, she did something I find impossible, at this point of my life. This woman approached the jail where the man was being detained. Guards questioned her presence. She explained that she had come to see the man who had taken her husband's life. At this, they were concerned that her motive might be to execute revenge in repayment for the pain she was experiencing from the terrible loss. The woman, strong yet gentle, said plainly, "I've made a meal and would like to give it to this man." The guards looked at each other, thinking there might have been poison in the food. But the lady went on to assure them of her intentions and they finally let her in. For days and days after, this woman travelled a long way to the prison, hot meal in hand, to care for the very man who had caused her great grief. This woman knew the love and grace of God so deeply that she chose to demonstrate it to someone whom I would see as undeserving.
I once heard of a woman whose husband was killed when rebels attacked their village. The man who murdered her loved one was arrested and put away in prison. This woman could have felt relief over his capture, been pleased that some form of justice was being carried out. Yet, she did something I find impossible, at this point of my life. This woman approached the jail where the man was being detained. Guards questioned her presence. She explained that she had come to see the man who had taken her husband's life. At this, they were concerned that her motive might be to execute revenge in repayment for the pain she was experiencing from the terrible loss. The woman, strong yet gentle, said plainly, "I've made a meal and would like to give it to this man." The guards looked at each other, thinking there might have been poison in the food. But the lady went on to assure them of her intentions and they finally let her in. For days and days after, this woman travelled a long way to the prison, hot meal in hand, to care for the very man who had caused her great grief. This woman knew the love and grace of God so deeply that she chose to demonstrate it to someone whom I would see as undeserving.
But that's what God's love and grace are about. He showed these while we were still sinners. He gave what was most precious to Him, He gave His own son, flesh and blood, His very life, that we might have life and have it to the full. He did not hold back, did not think twice. Yet there are so many times I do. And it's not even going to cost me anything, if I really think about it. It might just be a simple matter of my time, a minuscule amount of money, my attention and kindness. Yet already I guard these little things so preciously and deny others God's love through me. I think we can all consider this in our own lives.
Saturday, 21 February 2009
Your wedding vow
If you were to sit down and write your wedding vow to Jesus, how would it read? Care to share? Belle encouraged each of us at her house last weekend to write our personal vows to Jesus. After all, He is ultimately our husband and we His beloved. Kind of funny when you think our current husband (or one you will have in the future) is a "practice run" as Belle puts it. She says, "we ought to treat our husbands as we would treat Jesus, our ultimate husband". I'd like to hear yours if you're open to letting me hear it. Alternatively, I would like to hear about what it means to you to have Jesus be your husband. For me I still struggle to see Him this way. I can see God as a father, saviour, friend...but husband and lover are a little far fetched for me even after I have walked down the aisle myself. So any personal insight you give would be great, thanks!
Jocelyn the Dreamer
Oswald Chambers writes about 'Taking the Initiative Against Daydreaming' - very apt for someone such as myself who sits and dreams and mulls and broods and doesn't get moving much.
"Arise, let us go from here" — John 14:31
"Arise, let us go from here" — John 14:31
Daydreaming about something in order to do it properly is right, but daydreaming about it when we should be doing it is wrong. In this passage, after having said these wonderful things to His disciples, we might have expected our Lord to tell them to go away and meditate over them all. But Jesus never allowed idle daydreaming. When our purpose is to seek God and to discover His will for us, daydreaming is right and acceptable. But when our inclination is to spend time daydreaming over what we have already been told to do, it is unacceptable and God’s blessing is never on it. God will take the initiative against this kind of daydreaming by prodding us to action. His instructions to us will be along the lines of this: "Don’t sit or stand there, just go!"
If we are quietly waiting before God after He has said to us, "Come aside by yourselves . . ." then that is meditation before Him to seek His will ( Mark 6:31 ). Beware, however, of giving in to mere daydreaming once God has spoken. Allow Him to be the source of all your dreams, joys, and delights, and be careful to go and obey what He has said. If you are in love with someone, you don’t sit and daydream about that person all the time— you go and do something for him. That is what Jesus Christ expects us to do. Daydreaming after God has spoken is an indication that we do not trust Him.
If we are quietly waiting before God after He has said to us, "Come aside by yourselves . . ." then that is meditation before Him to seek His will ( Mark 6:31 ). Beware, however, of giving in to mere daydreaming once God has spoken. Allow Him to be the source of all your dreams, joys, and delights, and be careful to go and obey what He has said. If you are in love with someone, you don’t sit and daydream about that person all the time— you go and do something for him. That is what Jesus Christ expects us to do. Daydreaming after God has spoken is an indication that we do not trust Him.
Thursday, 19 February 2009
Listen Here
Fab found this story...I forgot to ask where. But it gets you thinking about what each of us is listening for in our daily lives. I've written the story from memory in my own words but it'll give you the gist of it.
An Indian man was visiting a friend of his who lived in New York. Walking in the heart of Manhattan city amidst the hustle and bustle of traffic and rushing people, the man stopped in his tracks and turned to his friend, "Hey, I just heard a cricket". "A what?! A cricket?" came his friend's response. "Yes, a cricket. There, I just heard it again". "Are you mad, man? We're in the middle of a crowded noisy city. Taxis are blaring their horns, people are yelling, there's so much going on and you think you can hear a cricket? You've got to be kidding me", his cynical friend replied.
The Indian man grabbed his friend by the arm and said, "here, come with me!". He walked towards one of the nearby buildings and hesitated. "No, it's not here", he mumbled. Off he went towards another building and another. "Nope, not here either".
Finally he came to a tree across the road, knelt down, dug around a bit in the soil and lo and behold pulled out a little cricket. "See, a cricket!" "Unbelievable! That's amazing! How on earth did you do that?" his surprised friend asked. "Ah, it just depends on what you're listening for", he said as he fished out a small handful of loose change from one of his pockets.
"Watch this", and as he made that remark, the Indian man walked onto the pavement and dropped the coins. Immediately all surrounding passers-by stopped short and turned towards the sound of the coins hitting the sidewalk.
(End of Story)
(My thoughts)
What are you listening for? What are the sounds you recognise and respond to? Do you hear the voice of God every single day? Do you sense the Holy Spirit's prompting and obey it? Do you commune with the Lord?
I'm sensitive to noises when I am about to sleep. I can't sleep if someone is breathing heavily, even if that person is me. I can't sleep if there is any snoring. Or people talking, even whispering, or if I suddenly hear birds singing or animals calling out to one another or rustling in the trees.
Sometimes if the sound of rain on the roof is too loud, it takes me a longer time to doze off. Of course this is all dependent on how tired I am as there are nights I probably sleep through most common sounds. There are sounds I can eventually learn to drown out like that of my fan or maybe even a faint, distant TV noise if it stays at a constant tone. Sometimes, anyway.
I realise that when I'm out of the house, I can be very sensitive to the tone of peoples' voices, particularly if it is a male voice. I immediately become cautious and wary if I hear raised voices, or a rowdy group approaching. It's happened a number of times now. Fab and I will be out having lunch somewhere and suddenly all I am able to focus on is the man sitting behind Fab talking loudly and swearing on his mobile. I notice I tend to listen in to make sure it is not a hostile situation. That the person is not likely to disrupt the peace and hurt anyone, especially us.
Sometimes little incidents can make me feel really ill and I lose my appetite. Like the time I caught a man touching a waitresses' hand, which made her really uncomfortable. He wasn't loud but he made me feel sick and I couldn't continue with my dinner.
If my attention was always on God. If my ears were pricked to hear His voice, my mind and heart would probably be more at ease. I could ask for His direction, for His opinion, for His perspective and peace. How many times do we act before really listening?
Maybe we only listen to part of what He is saying and run ahead of Him. Maybe we hear Him but we don't respond. Maybe we try to argue or reason or negotiate and include our own justifications. I know I am certainly guilty of all of that. He knows the stunts I pull and is very clever to deal with them.
Many times He tends to just leave me to work it out because eventually I have to admit He's right when things are so clearly stated in His Word or have been confirmed by someone else. Sometimes He stays silent to prompt me to seek to discover what the truth is if it isn't so plain.
An Indian man was visiting a friend of his who lived in New York. Walking in the heart of Manhattan city amidst the hustle and bustle of traffic and rushing people, the man stopped in his tracks and turned to his friend, "Hey, I just heard a cricket". "A what?! A cricket?" came his friend's response. "Yes, a cricket. There, I just heard it again". "Are you mad, man? We're in the middle of a crowded noisy city. Taxis are blaring their horns, people are yelling, there's so much going on and you think you can hear a cricket? You've got to be kidding me", his cynical friend replied.
The Indian man grabbed his friend by the arm and said, "here, come with me!". He walked towards one of the nearby buildings and hesitated. "No, it's not here", he mumbled. Off he went towards another building and another. "Nope, not here either".
Finally he came to a tree across the road, knelt down, dug around a bit in the soil and lo and behold pulled out a little cricket. "See, a cricket!" "Unbelievable! That's amazing! How on earth did you do that?" his surprised friend asked. "Ah, it just depends on what you're listening for", he said as he fished out a small handful of loose change from one of his pockets.
"Watch this", and as he made that remark, the Indian man walked onto the pavement and dropped the coins. Immediately all surrounding passers-by stopped short and turned towards the sound of the coins hitting the sidewalk.
(End of Story)
(My thoughts)
What are you listening for? What are the sounds you recognise and respond to? Do you hear the voice of God every single day? Do you sense the Holy Spirit's prompting and obey it? Do you commune with the Lord?
I'm sensitive to noises when I am about to sleep. I can't sleep if someone is breathing heavily, even if that person is me. I can't sleep if there is any snoring. Or people talking, even whispering, or if I suddenly hear birds singing or animals calling out to one another or rustling in the trees.
Sometimes if the sound of rain on the roof is too loud, it takes me a longer time to doze off. Of course this is all dependent on how tired I am as there are nights I probably sleep through most common sounds. There are sounds I can eventually learn to drown out like that of my fan or maybe even a faint, distant TV noise if it stays at a constant tone. Sometimes, anyway.
I realise that when I'm out of the house, I can be very sensitive to the tone of peoples' voices, particularly if it is a male voice. I immediately become cautious and wary if I hear raised voices, or a rowdy group approaching. It's happened a number of times now. Fab and I will be out having lunch somewhere and suddenly all I am able to focus on is the man sitting behind Fab talking loudly and swearing on his mobile. I notice I tend to listen in to make sure it is not a hostile situation. That the person is not likely to disrupt the peace and hurt anyone, especially us.
Sometimes little incidents can make me feel really ill and I lose my appetite. Like the time I caught a man touching a waitresses' hand, which made her really uncomfortable. He wasn't loud but he made me feel sick and I couldn't continue with my dinner.
If my attention was always on God. If my ears were pricked to hear His voice, my mind and heart would probably be more at ease. I could ask for His direction, for His opinion, for His perspective and peace. How many times do we act before really listening?
Maybe we only listen to part of what He is saying and run ahead of Him. Maybe we hear Him but we don't respond. Maybe we try to argue or reason or negotiate and include our own justifications. I know I am certainly guilty of all of that. He knows the stunts I pull and is very clever to deal with them.
Many times He tends to just leave me to work it out because eventually I have to admit He's right when things are so clearly stated in His Word or have been confirmed by someone else. Sometimes He stays silent to prompt me to seek to discover what the truth is if it isn't so plain.
Tuesday, 17 February 2009
How do you move on?
Through Ashley Weis' blog, I discovered Mary Demuth, a Christian author who now commits her life to helping others turn their trials into triumphs for the Lord. When I read on Ashley's blog that Mary was raped repeatedly from the age of 5 by neighbourhood boys who threatened to kill her if she ever told anyone, my heart was totally wrenched and I wanted so much to just make things like this stop. I battled with God yet again over such pain and decided to ask Mary a few questions from the bottom of my heart. I am so grateful for her boldness in sharing openly as I imagine it would take so much out of a person to be able to speak of such trauma since it would mean revisiting the terrible past.
Jocelyn writes: "It's just beyond me how God has restored you and the life you live for Him. this is one of my greatest areas of weakness...I've always battled so much with God over children and women getting hurt...I've hated men for a good part of my life though God has been so gracious to not let me encounter such pain myself.
Mary, how did you move on? How did you keep going before You knew Him and how did you get healed to the point of being able to "spit at the devil"? Reading stories like yours make me cry, make me shudder with fear and disgust towards the people who do such things. I know God sees my sin the same way...yet I still struggle. I felt ill when I found out about your past (the same way I get sick in my guts when I hear similar stories) but I am so very glad you have been redeemed.
How can I make a difference to women who have been through something so traumatic and horrible without wanting to castrate every man I don't trust? How can I be an encouragement when my life has been so blessed that I sometimes feel so hypocritical and inadequate and wonder if I have to experience the same in order to be effective in ministry?"
Jocelyn writes: "It's just beyond me how God has restored you and the life you live for Him. this is one of my greatest areas of weakness...I've always battled so much with God over children and women getting hurt...I've hated men for a good part of my life though God has been so gracious to not let me encounter such pain myself.
Mary, how did you move on? How did you keep going before You knew Him and how did you get healed to the point of being able to "spit at the devil"? Reading stories like yours make me cry, make me shudder with fear and disgust towards the people who do such things. I know God sees my sin the same way...yet I still struggle. I felt ill when I found out about your past (the same way I get sick in my guts when I hear similar stories) but I am so very glad you have been redeemed.
How can I make a difference to women who have been through something so traumatic and horrible without wanting to castrate every man I don't trust? How can I be an encouragement when my life has been so blessed that I sometimes feel so hypocritical and inadequate and wonder if I have to experience the same in order to be effective in ministry?"
*****
All I can say is one word: Jesus. He utterly rescued and healed me. As a victim of sexual abuse at five years old by older neighborhood boys, I'd carried that secret with me many years. It wasn't until I met Jesus that I became brave enough to let the secret out. And that's when the healing began. It continues today.
I can feel used very easily, and I have a deep insecurity about myself that has gotten better with age, but has been a very slow process. Sometimes it's hard for me to know, really know, that Jesus loves me.
The years of healing took a lot of vulnerability (probably too much at times). In college, I basically wept my way through, as many of the issues of childhood came to the forefront there. I had a great group of friends who laid hands on me in prayer and believed God was big enough to heal the wounded parts. He did a lot of healing during that time of my life.
I won't sugar coat the healing process, though. It's one of the most excruciating things a person can go through. I liken it to stepping into a dark tunnel. So few actually pursue their healing this way. (Remember that Jesus asked the paralytic, "Do you want to get well?" He made excuses and never answered Jesus. To pursue healing, it's an active choice. You have to WANT to). When you step into that dark tunnel, two things happen:
The movie of your life plays out before you in the darkness. Jesus holds your hand as you watch the movie together. But know that healing isn't a one-time event. Even today, a memory returned where I had to re-process some grief, give it back to Jesus, and ask Him to help me walk through it. The cliche is true: Healing is like peeling an onion. The more layers you dig into, the more tears that come.
As to how you can help others who have been wounded, strive to listen. Ask great questions. Offer to pray. Earnestly seek healing with your friend and walk alongside her even when things seem overwhelmingly dark. There is a Redeemer, and He is in the business of healing and redemption. Trust that. Remind your friend. Believe. She will have greater impact on the Kingdom of God if she's brave enough to pursue the Healing Savior.
And, if you see abuse happening, do something about it. Don't reason it away. Make hard choices if you're concerned about a child.
I hope that answers your question, Jocelyn. Thanks for your comment, and may the Lord use you to heal many who suffer.
*****
MY HEARTFELT THANKS TO MARY
Monday, 16 February 2009
Thanks for praying
Thank you for covering my mum and her team in prayer on their trip to East Timor. Mum is home safe now and has sent an email regarding their travels. It was an eventful experience with a few close calls. 3 out of 6 of them injured their feet even before landing in Timor. My mum felt the Lord was cautioning them to watch where they were going to tread.
In May 2008, just prior to their first trip, God gave my mum two visions as they prayed in preparation. One of a dead chick and another of red lips with a long tongue licking them. The first brought to her mind the passage in Numbers 6 speaking of death as a symbol of defilement. With the second image, it was the word "lasciviousness". What was fascinating is that they witnessed these two pictures in the physical during this second trip. One of the places they visited was an art gallery that was opened by a Caucasian woman to feature paintings from local artists that represented the culture and thinking of the people in Timor. Two particular pieces of artwork caught their attention. One was of a dead chick and another a painting of red lips with a long tongue coiled around them. We believe God was confirming the visions of yesteryear and urging them to pray specifically for hearts, minds and lives to be cleansed and made holy.
During this second visit, my mum suddenly felt prompted to cover the missionary who has been living in Timor. The organiser of their trip gathered the team in prayer. I don't think they really knew the reason behind this urgent 'request' but an accident the following day answered any such wondering. The missionary was driving the team to their next destination for the day, with my mum in the passenger seat beside him, when he made a quick left turn and crashed headlong with an oncoming motorcycle. Up went the bike with its very shocked rider. Thankfully, despite it being common for locals to dismiss road safety guidelines, the motorcyclist had a proper helmet on and did not suffer any grave injuries. A large crowd of by-standers had surrounded the jeep by that time, some belligerent. I'm grateful nothing untoward transpired.
Even the flight home had its own eye opener. My mum found herself a row of three empty seats towards the front of the plane and was settling in when passengers along the side of the plane got into a scuffle. The Caucasian man in a row of seats beside my mum was using his laptop, and though he could have easily moved to one of the empty seats beside him, he chose instead to yell at the Timorese man in the row before him who was slowly lowering his seat to rest. The argument led to both men standing up with the Timorese having his back towards my mum. Strangely enough, no one came to intervene which led to mum being concerned that punches would fly and the large Timorese would land on her. Well, that didn't happen and eventually the Caucasian did move himself but not before he called the Timorese rude, who countered with "racist white man". I guess it could have been uglier so again I thank God for His protection. Mum mentioned such occurrences are common in Timor, with locals facing discriminatory treatment.
I have to admit I know little of the background of this nation. It's clear though that a large proportion of the people in this land are far from the truth. Far from a God who loves them and seeks to restore them to their rightful place as His children, as co-heirs of His kingdom. They've settled for less for too long. It's time for a revival.
In May 2008, just prior to their first trip, God gave my mum two visions as they prayed in preparation. One of a dead chick and another of red lips with a long tongue licking them. The first brought to her mind the passage in Numbers 6 speaking of death as a symbol of defilement. With the second image, it was the word "lasciviousness". What was fascinating is that they witnessed these two pictures in the physical during this second trip. One of the places they visited was an art gallery that was opened by a Caucasian woman to feature paintings from local artists that represented the culture and thinking of the people in Timor. Two particular pieces of artwork caught their attention. One was of a dead chick and another a painting of red lips with a long tongue coiled around them. We believe God was confirming the visions of yesteryear and urging them to pray specifically for hearts, minds and lives to be cleansed and made holy.
During this second visit, my mum suddenly felt prompted to cover the missionary who has been living in Timor. The organiser of their trip gathered the team in prayer. I don't think they really knew the reason behind this urgent 'request' but an accident the following day answered any such wondering. The missionary was driving the team to their next destination for the day, with my mum in the passenger seat beside him, when he made a quick left turn and crashed headlong with an oncoming motorcycle. Up went the bike with its very shocked rider. Thankfully, despite it being common for locals to dismiss road safety guidelines, the motorcyclist had a proper helmet on and did not suffer any grave injuries. A large crowd of by-standers had surrounded the jeep by that time, some belligerent. I'm grateful nothing untoward transpired.
Even the flight home had its own eye opener. My mum found herself a row of three empty seats towards the front of the plane and was settling in when passengers along the side of the plane got into a scuffle. The Caucasian man in a row of seats beside my mum was using his laptop, and though he could have easily moved to one of the empty seats beside him, he chose instead to yell at the Timorese man in the row before him who was slowly lowering his seat to rest. The argument led to both men standing up with the Timorese having his back towards my mum. Strangely enough, no one came to intervene which led to mum being concerned that punches would fly and the large Timorese would land on her. Well, that didn't happen and eventually the Caucasian did move himself but not before he called the Timorese rude, who countered with "racist white man". I guess it could have been uglier so again I thank God for His protection. Mum mentioned such occurrences are common in Timor, with locals facing discriminatory treatment.
I have to admit I know little of the background of this nation. It's clear though that a large proportion of the people in this land are far from the truth. Far from a God who loves them and seeks to restore them to their rightful place as His children, as co-heirs of His kingdom. They've settled for less for too long. It's time for a revival.
sweet valentine
Us at the Coast, 2007Came home Saturday night to a bouquet of pink lilies and a letter expressing sincere love and affection. Fab and I were apart this Valentines as Church had organised a Bold and Beautiful weekend. By "Church" I mean Pastors, leaders (Fab included) and some of us training to be leaders. So it's not like this was sprung on us as some weird surprise. We were involved in the planning. We were creating an opportunity for the guys in the church to bond with one another and the girls to get to know one another better.
The guys went camping at some log cabin (Fab said the place was beautiful and wants to bring me there) and the girls stayed over at Belle's (our Pastor's wife). The boys battled leeches and played soccer half naked in a flooded muddy field, while the girls made sushi and Vietnamese rolls for dinner, watched Juno, got up early the next morning, watched Lemony Snicket's A Series of Unfortunate Events, had Belle's homemade waffles and fruit for breakfast, went jogging and sprinting around a lovely large lake, were taught some great tips on fashion, hair and nails by Elise, gained heaps from Belle's sharing on the Character of a Virtuous Woman (Proverbs 31), wrote vows to Jesus, made pita bread pizzas for lunch, and spent the evening painting in Belle's beautiful little courtyard with her labrador Honey, who incidentally had an obsession with licking my bum.
Anyhow, I got home late Saturday night to a quiet home as Fab was only due back the next morning. The sweetheart had bought the bouquet the night before and left it in a vase on our kitchen table so it'd be the first thing I saw when I walked up the stairs. The aroma of the lilies had already filled our little town house. What a heartwarming welcome home. Happy Sigh
I totally crashed that night though. Was so tired. Only managed to unpack and clean myself up and tidy the house a bit. Laundry keeping and more laundry washing plus vacuuming had to wait for the next morning. Not feeling too great today so we're home. My entire body is incredibly sore! I am so unfit and my head is really heavy...nose was all stuffed last night and my throat kind of scratchy. It's so warm today! Ah well. Should be right by tomorrow.
The guys went camping at some log cabin (Fab said the place was beautiful and wants to bring me there) and the girls stayed over at Belle's (our Pastor's wife). The boys battled leeches and played soccer half naked in a flooded muddy field, while the girls made sushi and Vietnamese rolls for dinner, watched Juno, got up early the next morning, watched Lemony Snicket's A Series of Unfortunate Events, had Belle's homemade waffles and fruit for breakfast, went jogging and sprinting around a lovely large lake, were taught some great tips on fashion, hair and nails by Elise, gained heaps from Belle's sharing on the Character of a Virtuous Woman (Proverbs 31), wrote vows to Jesus, made pita bread pizzas for lunch, and spent the evening painting in Belle's beautiful little courtyard with her labrador Honey, who incidentally had an obsession with licking my bum.
Anyhow, I got home late Saturday night to a quiet home as Fab was only due back the next morning. The sweetheart had bought the bouquet the night before and left it in a vase on our kitchen table so it'd be the first thing I saw when I walked up the stairs. The aroma of the lilies had already filled our little town house. What a heartwarming welcome home. Happy Sigh
I totally crashed that night though. Was so tired. Only managed to unpack and clean myself up and tidy the house a bit. Laundry keeping and more laundry washing plus vacuuming had to wait for the next morning. Not feeling too great today so we're home. My entire body is incredibly sore! I am so unfit and my head is really heavy...nose was all stuffed last night and my throat kind of scratchy. It's so warm today! Ah well. Should be right by tomorrow.
Friday, 13 February 2009
Broke my heart
How many women and children have stories like Mary's? I want so much for such pain to just end. To me, no child or woman deserves to go through an experience so horrific and traumatic. No man should be taken from the family he loves and tortured for no rhyme or reason.
Lord, forgive us all for our sins. We know we have all fallen short. None of us are pure and holy but we desire to be as You are and You call us to a higher standard of living. I know You see our sins as being the same. Lying, cheating on an exam, stealing, judging someone in our minds, gossiping, lashing out in anger, disobeying our parents, harbouring self centred attitudes, beating someone up, taking advantage of someone...they're all the same to You. Each thought and act is sinful and it grieves and disgusts You.
When the Israelites gave their precious jewellery to form an idol to worship, when they gathered around it saying they were going to celebrate a festival in Your honour yet turned to despicable acts, You distanced Yourself from them for fear You might destroy them in Your righteous anger. You have shown us amazing grace. Your heart is not to destroy us but to have us return to You. You want us to stand in the gap for others too.
Lord, may the prayers I have offered You to this day for the women, men and children who are suffering and for the ones who are inflicting the gross pain not be in vain. Forgive me for blaming You for allowing pain and suffering. For not seeing from Your perspective. For not trusting in Your manifold wisdom and taking on Your peace. Please bring healing and restoration. Please rescue the oppressed, those who are being preyed upon.
Lord, forgive us all for our sins. We know we have all fallen short. None of us are pure and holy but we desire to be as You are and You call us to a higher standard of living. I know You see our sins as being the same. Lying, cheating on an exam, stealing, judging someone in our minds, gossiping, lashing out in anger, disobeying our parents, harbouring self centred attitudes, beating someone up, taking advantage of someone...they're all the same to You. Each thought and act is sinful and it grieves and disgusts You.
When the Israelites gave their precious jewellery to form an idol to worship, when they gathered around it saying they were going to celebrate a festival in Your honour yet turned to despicable acts, You distanced Yourself from them for fear You might destroy them in Your righteous anger. You have shown us amazing grace. Your heart is not to destroy us but to have us return to You. You want us to stand in the gap for others too.
Lord, may the prayers I have offered You to this day for the women, men and children who are suffering and for the ones who are inflicting the gross pain not be in vain. Forgive me for blaming You for allowing pain and suffering. For not seeing from Your perspective. For not trusting in Your manifold wisdom and taking on Your peace. Please bring healing and restoration. Please rescue the oppressed, those who are being preyed upon.
Spiritual Dejection
February 7, 2009
"We were hoping that it was He who was going to redeem Israel. Indeed, besides all this, today is the third day since these things happened" —Luke 24:21
Every fact that the disciples stated was right, but the conclusions they drew from those facts were wrong. Anything that has even a hint of dejection spiritually is always wrong. If I am depressed or burdened, I am to blame, not God or anyone else. Dejection stems from one of two sources— I have either satisfied a lust or I have not had it satisfied. In either case, dejection is the result. Lust means "I must have it at once." Spiritual lust causes me to demand an answer from God, instead of seeking God Himself who gives the answer.
What have I been hoping or trusting God would do? Is today "the third day" and He has still not done what I expected? Am I therefore justified in being dejected and in blaming God? Whenever we insist that God should give us an answer to prayer we are off track. The purpose of prayer is that we get hold of God (grow to understand His heart more and grow in intimacy in our relationship with Him), not of the answer. It is impossible to be well physically and to be dejected, because dejection is a sign of sickness. This is also true spiritually. Dejection spiritually is wrong, and we are always to blame for it.
We look for visions from heaven and for earth-shaking events to see God’s power. Even the fact that we are dejected is proof that we do this. Yet we never realize that all the time God is at work in our everyday events and in the people around us. If we will only obey, and do the task that He has placed closest to us, we will see Him. One of the most amazing revelations of God comes to us when we learn that it is in the everyday things of life that we realize the magnificent deity of Jesus Christ.
~Oswald Chambers~
My thoughts:
Oswald Chambers certainly doesn't waste time beating around the bush or sugar coating his words. The truth may hurt but will set you free. That may have been his motto in life.
This particular entry really spoke directly to my heart. Why? Because this is exactly what I do daily. I burden God with a barrage of questions and accusations. I demand answers and justifications all the time. What I'm wanting is an answer I will accept. I'm not really listening for the truth. I'm not really waiting to just know Him. I'm wanting Him to prove Himself all the time. To show me why His decisions and ways are the best. God knows I'm not approaching Him with the right frame of mind. He knows I'm not ready to learn, to grasp the big picture, to just trust. Lisa Shay pointed me to the verse about how our minds are at peace when they are fixed on God. This is where I am lacking. And probably many of us are too.
Good wake up call isn't it? We think lust is only to do with sexual immorality, but really it is the wanting of something to satisfy our sinful desires, our lack of faith and patience and understanding. We tend to go for the temporary. The worldly pleasures. And sometimes we don't even realise it because we compare ourselves with others and think, "Nah, I'm not worldly. I don't crave for exorbitantly priced fast cars or the high life of the rich and famous, I live frugally and simply..." We have many justifications but where do they really stand against the truth, against the standards of perfection given to us by God?
"We were hoping that it was He who was going to redeem Israel. Indeed, besides all this, today is the third day since these things happened" —Luke 24:21
Every fact that the disciples stated was right, but the conclusions they drew from those facts were wrong. Anything that has even a hint of dejection spiritually is always wrong. If I am depressed or burdened, I am to blame, not God or anyone else. Dejection stems from one of two sources— I have either satisfied a lust or I have not had it satisfied. In either case, dejection is the result. Lust means "I must have it at once." Spiritual lust causes me to demand an answer from God, instead of seeking God Himself who gives the answer.
What have I been hoping or trusting God would do? Is today "the third day" and He has still not done what I expected? Am I therefore justified in being dejected and in blaming God? Whenever we insist that God should give us an answer to prayer we are off track. The purpose of prayer is that we get hold of God (grow to understand His heart more and grow in intimacy in our relationship with Him), not of the answer. It is impossible to be well physically and to be dejected, because dejection is a sign of sickness. This is also true spiritually. Dejection spiritually is wrong, and we are always to blame for it.
We look for visions from heaven and for earth-shaking events to see God’s power. Even the fact that we are dejected is proof that we do this. Yet we never realize that all the time God is at work in our everyday events and in the people around us. If we will only obey, and do the task that He has placed closest to us, we will see Him. One of the most amazing revelations of God comes to us when we learn that it is in the everyday things of life that we realize the magnificent deity of Jesus Christ.
~Oswald Chambers~
My thoughts:
Oswald Chambers certainly doesn't waste time beating around the bush or sugar coating his words. The truth may hurt but will set you free. That may have been his motto in life.
This particular entry really spoke directly to my heart. Why? Because this is exactly what I do daily. I burden God with a barrage of questions and accusations. I demand answers and justifications all the time. What I'm wanting is an answer I will accept. I'm not really listening for the truth. I'm not really waiting to just know Him. I'm wanting Him to prove Himself all the time. To show me why His decisions and ways are the best. God knows I'm not approaching Him with the right frame of mind. He knows I'm not ready to learn, to grasp the big picture, to just trust. Lisa Shay pointed me to the verse about how our minds are at peace when they are fixed on God. This is where I am lacking. And probably many of us are too.
Good wake up call isn't it? We think lust is only to do with sexual immorality, but really it is the wanting of something to satisfy our sinful desires, our lack of faith and patience and understanding. We tend to go for the temporary. The worldly pleasures. And sometimes we don't even realise it because we compare ourselves with others and think, "Nah, I'm not worldly. I don't crave for exorbitantly priced fast cars or the high life of the rich and famous, I live frugally and simply..." We have many justifications but where do they really stand against the truth, against the standards of perfection given to us by God?
I'm behind
Been behind with my posting...better write something now before I totally forget what I've been learning and meaning to jot down as I happen to be one of the most absent minded people ever! Even God has spoken to me about that. Apparently Jocelyn is the most common name for a goldfish, or so Fab found out but for the life of me I can't remember which country he said that was in!
There was once I responded for an altar call and one of the leaders in church came forward to pray for me. Lovely Lisa Toh. She's totally gorgeous. Anyway, she doesn't really know me neither did she ask what I was responding to or needing prayer in but she simply let the Holy Spirit lead her to pray for me. She started giggling a little and shared the vision God showed her. She saw me as a prawn or was it shrimp (yes, she did tell me not to get offended, I actually found the whole thing pretty amusing) that keeps going back and getting itself caught in the trap as if it forgets every couple of minutes that going towards the net isn't the best idea.
God was trying to raise the point that He has spoken to me about many things but I often forget and live with little faith once again or fail to follow what He has instructed, which was said to my benefit in the first place. Lisa encouraged me to record everything down, everything God speaks to me about or shows me or teaches me...that's another reason why I keep blogging. It serves to remind me of God's faithfulness and goodness, His promises and warnings and adjustments for my life. One of the things I wanted to share is in relation to the daily devotional dated February the 7th, written by Oswald Chambers. I'll put this in the next post.
There was once I responded for an altar call and one of the leaders in church came forward to pray for me. Lovely Lisa Toh. She's totally gorgeous. Anyway, she doesn't really know me neither did she ask what I was responding to or needing prayer in but she simply let the Holy Spirit lead her to pray for me. She started giggling a little and shared the vision God showed her. She saw me as a prawn or was it shrimp (yes, she did tell me not to get offended, I actually found the whole thing pretty amusing) that keeps going back and getting itself caught in the trap as if it forgets every couple of minutes that going towards the net isn't the best idea.
God was trying to raise the point that He has spoken to me about many things but I often forget and live with little faith once again or fail to follow what He has instructed, which was said to my benefit in the first place. Lisa encouraged me to record everything down, everything God speaks to me about or shows me or teaches me...that's another reason why I keep blogging. It serves to remind me of God's faithfulness and goodness, His promises and warnings and adjustments for my life. One of the things I wanted to share is in relation to the daily devotional dated February the 7th, written by Oswald Chambers. I'll put this in the next post.
Wednesday, 11 February 2009
Please pray for my mum
My mum and her team will be doing prayer walks around the land every day to pray for God's protection and favour as the church proceeds with building and standing firm as salt and light in that community. The temperature there has been about 46 degrees and there is no electricity in most areas. Where the team will be, they will have little electricity (none after midnight), absolutely no fans or reprieve from the heat and humidity. I'm not certain about the water supply and other amenities. I've been continually praying for journey mercies and for God to be with them where ever they go so they won't encounter any form of opposition or come to any harm. For God's presence to be so strong in that place that they will not fear anything but boldly proclaim His sovereignty over the people in Timor. For wisdom on how to pray for the land and people specifically. The residents need God. People are suffering there. Wickedness has been prevailing. Their land lacks proper resources to feed its own people well. I know the Enemy will be be warring against the church, and every missions team that steps foot there, with guns blazing full steam ahead. But God has given us authority over the devil himself and all evil principalities.
Tuesday, 10 February 2009
Ok, Lisa Shay!
Pinched these off my sister's facebook profile today
That's my brother in law in the first photo then my sis with their kids
Then shots of my nephews, Gabriel and Joel
That's my brother in law in the first photo then my sis with their kids
Then shots of my nephews, Gabriel and Joel
Monday, 9 February 2009
a tough one
Matthew 5: 43-45 "[Love for Enemies] "You have heard that it was said, 'Love your neighbor and hate your enemy.' But I tell you: Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, that you may be sons of your Father in heaven. He causes his sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous".
1 Corinthians 13: 1-3 "[Love] If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames, but have not love, I gain nothing".
Imagine, though, if we all did love our enemies, and our prayers moved God's heart and change was brought about in the lives of those who hurt us and they turned from their wicked ways to love the people they encounter, wouldn't that be amazing? Many times I think I'm just an idealist and what I hope for the world is an impossibility. But then I remember that my hopes reflect a tiny bit of God's heart of restoration and reconciliation and that He urges us to pray for these people to see them return to Him. In my selfishness, I often desire for the people who do hurtful things to be punished. For those I have come to resent or fear, I don't long to see them enjoy eternity with God. But God sees my sin the way I see theirs. Sin is sin and it disgusts and grieves Him. If in His grace He has saved me, then I have to reach my hand out to save others. And really, if you think about it, if I were to reach out and they were to get saved and be transformed in their character, then I would have no reason left to hate them or wish them gone from the face of the earth. So really, I am effectively delaying the materialisation of my "ideal world" by neglecting to pray for those that I, in my self righteousness, have deemed unworthy of forgiveness. I'm not God. That's not my call to make. So back to fighting on my knees in prayer.
Afterthoughts:
God's grace, to me, is unfathomable. I can't even begin to grasp the depth of it. I always ask Him why He created the world because He's effectively self sufficient. He doesn't need to be loved or worshipped. And though He knew how the world would turn out, how sin would come in and He'd have to allow for absolute goodness and absolute evil to exist along with free will, how He would eventually lose many who ultimately choose eternity without Him, He counted it worthwhile to go ahead with creation and the cost He paid on the cross.
Though He allows us to endure terrible pain and suffering in life, and tells us we can view ourselves worthy of persecution for His name sake. Though, through it all, He tells us to be like broken bread and poured out wine for His glory, completely spent for His kingdom, having released all our "rights" to Him. Though there are many times He just seems narcissistic, He really is not. It doesn't make a great deal of sense to me but it really shows me that His ways and thoughts are indeed higher and through everything I have experienced, I know He's not stupid or crazy though sometimes I secretly tell Him He is when I get cranky. Why He would choose to give me such an easy life and at the same time give someone into poverty and abuse is beyond me. Why, nevertheless, I have always lived with a defeatist attitude, waiting for the day it will be my turn to be put through some terrible ordeal, is rather baffling. But at the end of the day, He knows what He's doing. He sees the whole picture. He knows how He has made each one of us, who He has given the capacity to endure the hardships threatening to consume. He is with every child as they cry at night. I can't answer why He does not seem to do anything. That's because I'm not in a place where I can know. Only the person will know, as they look back, as they take a moment to be still and reflect, where God has been through every season, in every situation. How maybe He tried to warn them, protect them from an unwise decision, how He reached out to heal and restore them as they lay their head down to rest.
I may think God is biased but someone once told me, "well, He's God. He can choose to do whatever He wants, even if it does not seem fair to us. He judges as He sees fit, whether that suits our definition of justice or not". That to me is true because there is so much we don't see or comprehend, and with our sinful nature and our own prejudices, we can't say our standard of justice is above God's. He's our yardstick. He is perfection. We cannot be above the One who formed us. If I judge another, I will be judged with the same measure. That's scary but effectively it is fair and just.
1 Corinthians 13: 1-3 "[Love] If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames, but have not love, I gain nothing".
Imagine, though, if we all did love our enemies, and our prayers moved God's heart and change was brought about in the lives of those who hurt us and they turned from their wicked ways to love the people they encounter, wouldn't that be amazing? Many times I think I'm just an idealist and what I hope for the world is an impossibility. But then I remember that my hopes reflect a tiny bit of God's heart of restoration and reconciliation and that He urges us to pray for these people to see them return to Him. In my selfishness, I often desire for the people who do hurtful things to be punished. For those I have come to resent or fear, I don't long to see them enjoy eternity with God. But God sees my sin the way I see theirs. Sin is sin and it disgusts and grieves Him. If in His grace He has saved me, then I have to reach my hand out to save others. And really, if you think about it, if I were to reach out and they were to get saved and be transformed in their character, then I would have no reason left to hate them or wish them gone from the face of the earth. So really, I am effectively delaying the materialisation of my "ideal world" by neglecting to pray for those that I, in my self righteousness, have deemed unworthy of forgiveness. I'm not God. That's not my call to make. So back to fighting on my knees in prayer.
Afterthoughts:
God's grace, to me, is unfathomable. I can't even begin to grasp the depth of it. I always ask Him why He created the world because He's effectively self sufficient. He doesn't need to be loved or worshipped. And though He knew how the world would turn out, how sin would come in and He'd have to allow for absolute goodness and absolute evil to exist along with free will, how He would eventually lose many who ultimately choose eternity without Him, He counted it worthwhile to go ahead with creation and the cost He paid on the cross.
Though He allows us to endure terrible pain and suffering in life, and tells us we can view ourselves worthy of persecution for His name sake. Though, through it all, He tells us to be like broken bread and poured out wine for His glory, completely spent for His kingdom, having released all our "rights" to Him. Though there are many times He just seems narcissistic, He really is not. It doesn't make a great deal of sense to me but it really shows me that His ways and thoughts are indeed higher and through everything I have experienced, I know He's not stupid or crazy though sometimes I secretly tell Him He is when I get cranky. Why He would choose to give me such an easy life and at the same time give someone into poverty and abuse is beyond me. Why, nevertheless, I have always lived with a defeatist attitude, waiting for the day it will be my turn to be put through some terrible ordeal, is rather baffling. But at the end of the day, He knows what He's doing. He sees the whole picture. He knows how He has made each one of us, who He has given the capacity to endure the hardships threatening to consume. He is with every child as they cry at night. I can't answer why He does not seem to do anything. That's because I'm not in a place where I can know. Only the person will know, as they look back, as they take a moment to be still and reflect, where God has been through every season, in every situation. How maybe He tried to warn them, protect them from an unwise decision, how He reached out to heal and restore them as they lay their head down to rest.
I may think God is biased but someone once told me, "well, He's God. He can choose to do whatever He wants, even if it does not seem fair to us. He judges as He sees fit, whether that suits our definition of justice or not". That to me is true because there is so much we don't see or comprehend, and with our sinful nature and our own prejudices, we can't say our standard of justice is above God's. He's our yardstick. He is perfection. We cannot be above the One who formed us. If I judge another, I will be judged with the same measure. That's scary but effectively it is fair and just.
Sunday, 8 February 2009
You raise me up
I often wonder about the background or upbringing a person had when they turn to become rapists, serial killers, murderers, terrorists. It's inevitable that the environment they were brought up in or the kind of influence they had at a young impressionable age would have contributed to their moulding. Often our experiences can make or break us. We can be determined to overcome our adversities and not let the hurt crush us, where in turn we may hurt others.
When TD Jakes attended a conference at the Aspen Institute as a guest speaker, he was amazed to learn, during one of the sessions, that "children often succeed even when they are raised in dysfunctional homes as long as they are raised in a good neighbourhood...children are more influenced by neighbourhood values than by their home life because they spend more of their waking hours outside the home. It does indeed take a village to raise a child. If children are exposed to caring individuals, role models, and examples of healthy people, they can still succeed, no matter how challenging life with their immediate families may have been."
This got me thinking. How well do we know our neighbours? How well am I willing to get to know my neighbours? If the community that these people lived in provided a more positive influence, if maybe they cared enough to stop the father from being a drunk and beating up his wife and raping his own daughter and living out a very poor example for his son, that son would not grow up to become his father.
Fab and I caught the very first episode of the new series "Life on Mars". A cop gets knocked down by a car and wakes up 35 years in the past. In his first case he encounters the serial killer he suspects has kidnapped his partner. Needless to say, the killer is only a child at this point in time. But he lives in the same building as the serial murderer this cop helps to catch during the investigation. It is then that the cop realises the pattern he had recognised in his examination of the victim found. The boy grown up is a copy cat murderer.
As they handcuff the killer and put him in the police car, the boy stares at the cop, enraged at him for dragging his friend away. Later that night the cop returns to the neighbourhood to look for the boy. The kid looks him in the eyes, angry at what the cop did, and says, "You were the one who took him away...I'm always afraid, he feared nothing..." Was this murderer the only one who had really taken the time to be a friend and role model to the boy?
My colleague shared with me the other day about a terrible incident that took place in the street where she lives. Teenagers often line the streets there in the evenings with bottles of alcohol in hand. Their parents or guardians are never anywhere to be seen, probably still at work or taking a night shift. The teenagers seem to have no purpose in life or the motivation to take their lives somewhere meaningful. They sit around smoking and drinking, shouting at the neighbours, jeering one another on towards the next prank.
As my colleague was driving along the street on her way home, a bunch of them decided to throw their empty bottles at her. They hollered and cheered, applauding their 'good work'. She yelled at them and rang the cops but nothing much came out of that. Apparently other neighbours had reported cases of misconduct and general disruption of peace within the neighbourhood. The cops admitted to getting a number of calls from the area but explained their hands were tied as available staff numbers were low at night. Those on duty had already been dispatched and only 2 were left to man the fort.
Goes to show the magnitude of crime occurring that they should run out of law enforcers on a single night. Having gotten away so far, the teenagers turned to a different stunt. As a young couple were returning after a dinner with friends. they rushed out and hurled concrete blocks towards the car. One slab broke threw a side window and landed smack onto the baby seat. Thankfully the couple had, for some reason, decided to leave their baby with a family member that evening while they went out for dinner. The loss would have been horrendously grave otherwise.
What can we do? From an early age, many of these teenagers are left to fend for themselves. There is no consistent healthy input into their lives. No proper fatherly or motherly role model. They see education as futile and turn instead to feeding their lusts for pleasure - for what "feels good", with no consideration of how their choices affect the lives of others. They move from one temporary source of pleasure to another, quickly losing interest and needing something of greater intensity to fuel their excitement. Some channel their energy towards drugs and partying, some vandalise community property, some engage in sexual immorality, others force intellectually disabled people to eat faeces, and others set fire to homeless individuals on the street. These neglected teenagers are tumbling down the path of depravity with no one to stop them and turn their destinies around. Their spirits are wasting away as no one and nothing speaks true love and life into them. They seek control in twisted ways to gain some form of footing in the world that seems to just rush past them with no word of encouragement, or worse harsh criticism.
I admit I too judge and resent them. I fail to look beyond their tough exterior, their crude jokes and rowdy manner. All I allow myself to see is their blatant inconsideration, their self centredness, their delight in bringing others down. I judge them for their speech and actions. But what if I took the time to get them on a day they weren't under the influence of drugs or alcohol, took them out for a meal and got them talking about things that still mattered to them? What if I just listened and got them engaged in a sport or a fun activity that didn't involve burning someone's home down or taking away the innocence of another child? What if I took the chance to step out of my comfort zone, took a step forward despite my fear of them and just reached out?
WHAT IF YOU DID?
They might one day come to church, one day invite God into their lives, one day become the next Nobel prize winner or community social worker.
When TD Jakes attended a conference at the Aspen Institute as a guest speaker, he was amazed to learn, during one of the sessions, that "children often succeed even when they are raised in dysfunctional homes as long as they are raised in a good neighbourhood...children are more influenced by neighbourhood values than by their home life because they spend more of their waking hours outside the home. It does indeed take a village to raise a child. If children are exposed to caring individuals, role models, and examples of healthy people, they can still succeed, no matter how challenging life with their immediate families may have been."
This got me thinking. How well do we know our neighbours? How well am I willing to get to know my neighbours? If the community that these people lived in provided a more positive influence, if maybe they cared enough to stop the father from being a drunk and beating up his wife and raping his own daughter and living out a very poor example for his son, that son would not grow up to become his father.
Fab and I caught the very first episode of the new series "Life on Mars". A cop gets knocked down by a car and wakes up 35 years in the past. In his first case he encounters the serial killer he suspects has kidnapped his partner. Needless to say, the killer is only a child at this point in time. But he lives in the same building as the serial murderer this cop helps to catch during the investigation. It is then that the cop realises the pattern he had recognised in his examination of the victim found. The boy grown up is a copy cat murderer.
As they handcuff the killer and put him in the police car, the boy stares at the cop, enraged at him for dragging his friend away. Later that night the cop returns to the neighbourhood to look for the boy. The kid looks him in the eyes, angry at what the cop did, and says, "You were the one who took him away...I'm always afraid, he feared nothing..." Was this murderer the only one who had really taken the time to be a friend and role model to the boy?
My colleague shared with me the other day about a terrible incident that took place in the street where she lives. Teenagers often line the streets there in the evenings with bottles of alcohol in hand. Their parents or guardians are never anywhere to be seen, probably still at work or taking a night shift. The teenagers seem to have no purpose in life or the motivation to take their lives somewhere meaningful. They sit around smoking and drinking, shouting at the neighbours, jeering one another on towards the next prank.
As my colleague was driving along the street on her way home, a bunch of them decided to throw their empty bottles at her. They hollered and cheered, applauding their 'good work'. She yelled at them and rang the cops but nothing much came out of that. Apparently other neighbours had reported cases of misconduct and general disruption of peace within the neighbourhood. The cops admitted to getting a number of calls from the area but explained their hands were tied as available staff numbers were low at night. Those on duty had already been dispatched and only 2 were left to man the fort.
Goes to show the magnitude of crime occurring that they should run out of law enforcers on a single night. Having gotten away so far, the teenagers turned to a different stunt. As a young couple were returning after a dinner with friends. they rushed out and hurled concrete blocks towards the car. One slab broke threw a side window and landed smack onto the baby seat. Thankfully the couple had, for some reason, decided to leave their baby with a family member that evening while they went out for dinner. The loss would have been horrendously grave otherwise.
What can we do? From an early age, many of these teenagers are left to fend for themselves. There is no consistent healthy input into their lives. No proper fatherly or motherly role model. They see education as futile and turn instead to feeding their lusts for pleasure - for what "feels good", with no consideration of how their choices affect the lives of others. They move from one temporary source of pleasure to another, quickly losing interest and needing something of greater intensity to fuel their excitement. Some channel their energy towards drugs and partying, some vandalise community property, some engage in sexual immorality, others force intellectually disabled people to eat faeces, and others set fire to homeless individuals on the street. These neglected teenagers are tumbling down the path of depravity with no one to stop them and turn their destinies around. Their spirits are wasting away as no one and nothing speaks true love and life into them. They seek control in twisted ways to gain some form of footing in the world that seems to just rush past them with no word of encouragement, or worse harsh criticism.
I admit I too judge and resent them. I fail to look beyond their tough exterior, their crude jokes and rowdy manner. All I allow myself to see is their blatant inconsideration, their self centredness, their delight in bringing others down. I judge them for their speech and actions. But what if I took the time to get them on a day they weren't under the influence of drugs or alcohol, took them out for a meal and got them talking about things that still mattered to them? What if I just listened and got them engaged in a sport or a fun activity that didn't involve burning someone's home down or taking away the innocence of another child? What if I took the chance to step out of my comfort zone, took a step forward despite my fear of them and just reached out?
WHAT IF YOU DID?
They might one day come to church, one day invite God into their lives, one day become the next Nobel prize winner or community social worker.
Thursday, 5 February 2009
Monday, 2 February 2009
Blind sighted
Have you ever heard the instructions of God and thought they were foolish? Have you ever thought your knowledge and understanding to be higher than God's or simply more practical? After all, what would God know being so high and lofty, so disengaged, so distant from our situations, our problems, so disinterested in our wants and fancies, right? Wrong. Things revealed by the Spirit are foolishness to the man who does not believe, who does not seek, who does not choose to love and trust. He does not comprehend. Before time began, God destined certain things for our glory. Us. Mere mortals the size of the dandruff of a microscopic organism's microscopic pet. And He now reveals the secrets of His wisdom through His Spirit to those willing to listen. Willing to respond. Willing to let their minds, hearts and spirits be opened to truths far greater than ourselves. Far greater than our insignificant wants in this temporary life.
This is something I want to start to grasp. To take hold of. When we get a picture of just how tiny earth is in comparison to the rest of the entire universe with all the complex galaxies within it, containing all the different planets, the stars...and to know that God holds every single thing in the palm of His hands...and we realise how incredibly minuscule that makes us, it kind of puts a lot of things into perspective. That is something I have to learn to do though. Let that whole truth just sink in and not question. Just stop my blabbering and my doubting and my telling God that all this does not change the fact that still my circumstances are real to me and if I were in someone else's shoes, say a little child in an abusive family, I would think that my ordeal was never going to end and maybe never see any worth in myself and never trust in anyone and never have hope...I need to stop all that. And just see that God is right. In comparison to eternity, in comparison with all that is out there beyond me and my life and my world, there is a God who has it all in the palm of His hands and He has already planned something so wonderful for me that it is just too big for my comprehension and my imagination to contain. And not only has He prepared good works for me, He has prepared me for these good works. So though I think I am nothing, which I am apart from Him, He has made me and taken notice of me and before the creation of time, He set an amazing destiny for me in place, one I can achieve because He has made me able to do so. I just need to stay close to Him.
(Read 1 Corinthians 2...verse 9 says, "No eye has seen, no ear has heard, no mind has conceived what God has prepared for those who love Him")
This is something I want to start to grasp. To take hold of. When we get a picture of just how tiny earth is in comparison to the rest of the entire universe with all the complex galaxies within it, containing all the different planets, the stars...and to know that God holds every single thing in the palm of His hands...and we realise how incredibly minuscule that makes us, it kind of puts a lot of things into perspective. That is something I have to learn to do though. Let that whole truth just sink in and not question. Just stop my blabbering and my doubting and my telling God that all this does not change the fact that still my circumstances are real to me and if I were in someone else's shoes, say a little child in an abusive family, I would think that my ordeal was never going to end and maybe never see any worth in myself and never trust in anyone and never have hope...I need to stop all that. And just see that God is right. In comparison to eternity, in comparison with all that is out there beyond me and my life and my world, there is a God who has it all in the palm of His hands and He has already planned something so wonderful for me that it is just too big for my comprehension and my imagination to contain. And not only has He prepared good works for me, He has prepared me for these good works. So though I think I am nothing, which I am apart from Him, He has made me and taken notice of me and before the creation of time, He set an amazing destiny for me in place, one I can achieve because He has made me able to do so. I just need to stay close to Him.
(Read 1 Corinthians 2...verse 9 says, "No eye has seen, no ear has heard, no mind has conceived what God has prepared for those who love Him")
Sunday, 1 February 2009
a thing of beauty
I just read Ashley Weis' post on modesty of the heart. It challenges me on who and what I choose to live for. Do I live for the audience of one (my God who is my Creator and Redeemer) or for the praise of mortal men? Fab readily tells me I am pretty/beautiful, sometimes every single day. It comes so naturally and really blesses my heart. I've never asked for his compliments but he has never failed to tell me how he sees me. Even with pimples and scars on my right cheek and a bad hair day and a messy just-woke-up look, he has found me attractive in his sight. I remember attending a wedding with him where I was captivated by the bride. He quietly turned to me and whispered, "you were prettier on our wedding day and are prettier now". I smiled and replied, "only to you dear" to which he said, "isn't that enough?" But what if Fab did not regard me this way? Would my security, my perspective of myself be determined by how he viewed me? Or would I be convinced that no matter what I am beautiful in God's sight as I am "fearfully and wonderfully made". Have you ever thought what it really means to be fearfully and wonderfully made? I wonder why the Bible says "fearfully". Let me know your thoughts on this matter. For now I leave you with an excerpt from Ashley's post.
"In the past I viewed immodesty as revealing clothing. Then I developed a different view. I saw immodesty as being flashy, overly fashionable, dressed to impress. Anything the opposite of humble. But now...now it's even more than that. It's something deeper. Something in the heart.
It's a need/desire to seek my value/worth in anything other than Jesus. The need to adorn myself to feel beautiful. The need to hear people tell me I'm beautiful in order to feel beautiful. And really, the need/focus on outward beauty in general. I want to find my worth in Jesus. I want to be so focused on Him that the LAST thing I care about is my reflection in the mirror or my appearance to the world.
So, I'm on a journey -- a never-ending journey toward modesty of heart. Modesty that runs deeper than the appearance and starts with the heart. I'm praying for my motivations in everything I do to always be centered on Jesus and glorifying Him -- not myself."
"In the past I viewed immodesty as revealing clothing. Then I developed a different view. I saw immodesty as being flashy, overly fashionable, dressed to impress. Anything the opposite of humble. But now...now it's even more than that. It's something deeper. Something in the heart.
It's a need/desire to seek my value/worth in anything other than Jesus. The need to adorn myself to feel beautiful. The need to hear people tell me I'm beautiful in order to feel beautiful. And really, the need/focus on outward beauty in general. I want to find my worth in Jesus. I want to be so focused on Him that the LAST thing I care about is my reflection in the mirror or my appearance to the world.
So, I'm on a journey -- a never-ending journey toward modesty of heart. Modesty that runs deeper than the appearance and starts with the heart. I'm praying for my motivations in everything I do to always be centered on Jesus and glorifying Him -- not myself."
Repositioning: a few points
From the book by TD Jakes
"We often settle for less than the best life we could live. Lulled into sleep by a sense of apathetic compliance, we accept as limitations situations that could be transcended."
"You can only correct what you are willing to confront...Many choose to live in a perpetual state of denial rather than do the hard work that is needed to confront issues, weaknesses, and inconsistencies in themselves and others...Do you have the courage to face yourself?"
"You cannot win against that which you will not see and confront. An ostrich style of fighting with your head buried in the sand is highly ineffective! No, we must be strategic and deliberate. Effort doesn't necessarily mean you are effective."
"We often settle for less than the best life we could live. Lulled into sleep by a sense of apathetic compliance, we accept as limitations situations that could be transcended."
"You can only correct what you are willing to confront...Many choose to live in a perpetual state of denial rather than do the hard work that is needed to confront issues, weaknesses, and inconsistencies in themselves and others...Do you have the courage to face yourself?"
"You cannot win against that which you will not see and confront. An ostrich style of fighting with your head buried in the sand is highly ineffective! No, we must be strategic and deliberate. Effort doesn't necessarily mean you are effective."
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