God's Good, Very Good

"Surely goodness and love will follow me all the days of my life, and I'll dwell in the house of the Lord forever" Psalm 23: 6

"What shall I render to the Lord for all His benefits towards me?" Psalm 116: 12

Was reflecting upon how good God has been to my family for generations past. How in my own life I have experienced His strong love, protection and provision. He has been faithful just as He has said of Himself. My life has been truly blessed, so much so I often wonder why the same life God has so kindly bestowed upon me is not the life He has given everyone else. I could have so easily been one chosen to be given to a family living in a poverty-stricken land with a corrupt government and neighbours who would only want to take me away for their personal gain once I was of age. I could have been born to a couple who would repeatedly abuse me or be completely negligent of my needs as a baby and child. I may have had to labour for my own keep from the time I could stand and move without aid. I could have been brought to a home entrenched in ancestral and idol worship, and be offered to the gods, by ignorant parents, for perceived protection. But I wasn't. How did God choose where to place each and every one of us? I have come to realise, by observing and listening to the lives of various ones, that God equips the person for the place and situations He brings them to. That's not to say they don't suffer or that many never discover this inner strength and capacity and lose their mind and heart. I am grateful and at times ashamed that I complain so much when others are going through horrendous circumstances and some, even rejoicing in God's goodness. They have truly come to understand what it means when we say that God is good. He cannot be defined or comprehended with limited human knowledge. It is only by His grace and through the Holy Spirit we find this revelation, this amazing truth.

"God is better than we think", my pastor's wife said last Sunday. "Yet we may not see or feel His goodness because of sin" (in my understanding, this refers to our own sin and that of others leading them to make poor decisions that hurt us). Our pride, self centredness, self reliance, lack of faith, folly, lust, greed, inconsideration...hinder us from experiencing God's goodness in our lives because we're choosing our own way instead. He wants us to know that He is good. That He is love. He has blessings in store for us. "He is able to do immeasurably above and beyond all we can ask for or even imagine", as the Bible tells us in Ephesians 3: 20. We need to come back to His Word, realign ourselves with His thinking, follow His ways. As we determine no longer to conform to the world's marred standards and let Him renew our minds, we will then "test and approve what God's will is, His good, pleasing and perfect will", as in Romans 12: 2. We will begin to desire after what is really good, what is beneficial and not simply permissible. He will give us the desires of our heart (Psalm 37: 4)- meaning He will be the one to place the pure desires within us and bring them to fruition and meet them as we cling to Him. Easier said than done, perhaps, but true.

You have been crying out to God for deeper passion, for a renewed desire after Him. He will set your heart alight. It only takes a spark to get a fire going. your heart will be on fire for Him. It will be a fire that will bring you comfort and not fear. But first there will be a time of seeking after Him. I pray that you will cry out in desperation for Him. It is a time of going into the prayer chamber, of going into the secret place as He calls you, His bride. It is a time of preparation, to be filled with the Holy Spirit. It is with the Holy Spirit in you that you will have that deep passion for God, for things you have not had the desire to do up to this point (though you know they are good and you see others accomplishing them). It is with the Holy Spirit that you will have anointing, enablement, empowerment. It is God who calls you. You are a woman of purpose. You were not fashioned simply to stay home and bake muffins all day. But you have been called to so much more. God will bring about a freshness within you, a freshness to your spirit as you cry out to Him and are refreshed and renewed in Him. A freshness like that of bread just made. There will be a joy within you. A renewed vision. From the time of seeking, you will taste of the Lord's goodness and you shall be one to declare it. It is as if you are opening a scroll and with your lips you shall speak of His goodness, of "the wonders of God". You will prophecy and unlock doors to peoples' hearts that they too may come to know Him and experience His goodness in their lives. It will be as written in Acts chapter 2. They sought God and were filled with the Holy Spirit. It came like a fire upon them and they declared God to the people. There will be signs and wonders. God gives this to both men and women who walk with Him.

After writing down what Belle shared and reading through Acts 2 as she suggested, it dawned on me that Pastor Cho spoke of such things in his book on Church Growth. I've finished it now but there is so much I need to go through again to really grasp the message and to begin to apply it into my life. Let me try and consolidate some of the main points in relation to what I've written and put it together in another post. What is fascinating is that the theme of our Oceania Convention next year is signs and wonders. I think 2009 is going to be a trying yet exciting year that will stretch each and every one of us. Our response to where God is leading and how we are to get there is key.

Overdue greetings

Ok, on a more happy note...I hope everyone had an incredibly warm and wonderful Christmas and that the New Year brings more of God's love, grace and blessings as you continue to walk with Him and trust in His sometimes mysterious yet magnificent ways! 2009, here we come! Time for me to dream big and act! How many new year resolutions have you accomplished in the past? Whatever the number, do not be restricted by past successes or not-so successes. It's a new year, a new season. Time for fresh revelation and fresh anointing and an enlargement to our visions! Whee!!

It's your choice

Hatred begets more hatred. If one strikes, another will revenge. Vengeance deepens with each act, each one firmly convicted that what they are doing is right, is deserving of the other party. They even mutilate their own kind for their narrow-minded beliefs that have consumed them. But perhaps to the extremists, they are not of their own. Their own can only be those who share in their convictions, convictions they have no qualms of dying for. In some cases, they must be from the same blood line. The same ethnic group.

In the Old Testament, God directed His people to overcome nations, to leave no stone unturned, and in many cases, no resident alive. But were they cruel in their conquest? I beg to differ. God was ridding the lands of those who had turned to idols. But He always offered grace, a chance to return to what was good, to what was truly right. Today, horrific violence is often carried out in God's name. "For His glory", they say it is. They chant that "God is great" before brutally raping young girls from their own community. How can this be of a God who is compassionate? He would never resort to torture, to turning innocent children into cold-blooded murderers. Taking over other lands was of the past. Jesus came, and with Him, forgiveness, equality, a love and acceptance for all people. Salvation for not just the initial chosen but every single individual. Anyone can be called His child, His friend.

There is too much deception in this world. Too many lies. We're divided amongst ourselves. According to the colour of our skin or the laws we obey. By the leaders we follow, by the weapons we carry. By the lives we are willing to take for the cause we are willing to die for. The methods we use are not of God, a God who is love. A God who is patient with us that none shall have to perish for our sins.

I watched 'The Kingdom' yesterday. A battle between Americans and Saudi Arabians. Even within their own land, they were divided - the government, the police force, the royal family, the 'terrorists'. I witnessed the cruelty, the lack of viewing one another with God's perspective, self centred ambitions, the bureaucracy. I saw success to the plans of the rebels. They praised God continually and offered the sacrifice of innocent lives for His glory. Then they lost many of their own. But the cycle never ends. Those left alive on either side will carry on their mission. Each cell left unharmed will multiply and be armed. Each side wants justice. Wants finality. Closure and victory to what they are fighting so hard for. Each side brings violence and death unwarranted. We too fight each day.

We too take a stand for one of two kingdoms, whether we realise it or not. Spiritual kingdoms. One of life, one of death. Many are pulled further into believing that the latter holds the key to their desires, to unlimited pleasures. They're driven by lust, by lies. They are blinded and are slaves to the master of destruction who will eventually take their lives and leave them with unceasing pain and suffering. The torture of knowing they were wrong; that they are not free. Torture of being separated for eternity from light, from life, from love. From everything they really need, from everything that can truly fulfill. We have the chance now to make a firm choice. To pledge our undying allegiance. It may seem to be so, but our enemy is not one of flesh and blood. Not one of a different descent or belief system. Our enemy hides himself so we think he is not real. So we look instead to those we can see. But let us no longer be deceived. Let us choose what is good, what is right, what does not bring endless brokenness to this world.

Stop the wheels of destruction

Lord, "let Your kingdom come on earth as it is in heaven..."

People are being sucked into deceptive schemes, lured into traps with promises of security and pleasure that are actually short lived and self destructive, faster than we can get them out. People are getting caught up with the latest trends and fads and forgetting the rest of the world with its unceasing groans of suffering and pain, desperate cries for help, screams of agony. Have you ever heard a frog shriek when danger encroaches upon its home, threatening to take its life with one fell swoop and a sharp bite? It sounds like an incredibly distressed baby. It's very disturbing. People across the world are crying out this way too because of what is being done to them, because of what is being taken from them by force, by no choice of their own. Children are being turned into monsters for war. The cycles are growing every day. Their getting bigger, more vicious, more complicated. We need to bring back life, hope, joy - innocence to children, stability in homes, strong moral values in family life and education, honesty in politics, love in marriages, generosity across communities.

Fab and I watched "Blood Diamond" the other night. It made me more aware of what people in Africa are enduring. Villages and homes are being wrecked. Fear is everywhere. The streets are filled with the stench of rotting flesh. Death looms over every heart. Young boys are being dragged away from their families to be beaten and brain washed into becoming killers for the nation - into Child Soldiers. They are the Invisible Children - you shall see them no more. They become one of the rebels, the terrorists, masked by hatred and confusion, hidden behind weapons larger than their tiny frames. If they are saved early, will they not return to their warm homes, to having love and the right kind of teaching, to growing good character, to becoming someone who will stand for the oppressed, tend to the sick, make a difference by bringing hope to the people? Yes, they can be restored if we do something now. And fast.

I urge you to see the movie. To not ogle over Leonardo DiCaprio or Jennifer Conneley but to look at what is today's reality in that land. A land that has not been forsaken by God despite what people have come to believe because of all that has taken and is taking place. Our prayers count. Our action towards their needs count. Let's target our prayers not just to healing and restoration for those who are being hurt but for a change of heart in those who are doing the hurting. Let's get to the root. To pray for their sinful mindsets. For them to be released from the chains of deception first that they cannot be used any longer as tools for further destruction. If they turn around and start to make a change to all they have done, the wheels will turn the other way. A new cycle will begin. And eventually whole nations will be saved because of it.

Sometimes I just don't get it

Nick Vijicic does not have any limbs. Yet he lives a very rich, fulfilling life for God and touches millions of lives every single day. I watched this video and cried. It made my heart ache and a lump swell in my throat and stay there as steady streams wet my face. Sometimes I just don't understand why God chooses to do things one way over another. He knows what is best but sometimes I seriously question Him on why what He has chosen really is the best. We go through trials to keep us humble, to enable us to come to the realisation we need God in our lives. It is ultimately for our own good. We go through trials so we can understand other peoples' pain and not live in a self absorbed bubble, unconcerned with everything else.

But is there really no way around certain things? Did Nick really have to be born without limbs to make the same impact on peoples' lives? I admit the message would not be the same or as strong had what he had to say to others come from someone who was not in his position. But God has enabled so many to make a huge difference across the world with a fully able body. Would it be cheating if God just did not let anyone be born without limbs or have to lose their limbs? Does God have to let one of His children, who follows Him, be riddled with MS and not give them physical healing? We do not choose things like this but God allows them. If one day I was diagnosed with a disease that could not be cured fully, perhaps only managed somewhat, but it was one that was degenerative. One that would eventually take my life and I would leave this earth prematurely but having lived many years of pain and anguish. If I had to endure this, I would be forced into a situation where I could either choose life or death. I could make the most out of the time I had, of the opportunity to find rest and strength in God and tell of His goodness despite what I was enduring. Or I could choose to fall into depression and make my last years even more miserable than they had to be, not to mention bring down the ones who love me who choose to care for me even more. It's so hard to be in that position.

Couldn't God choose another way for us to reach out to others, to empathise with their pain? Does sin have to be so horrendous that children have to be forced into prostitution, or abused so badly that their innocence and childhood is ripped away from them? Is there no other way around all of this? The Bible tells us that God's thoughts and ways are higher. I have been told by some that I should not question God. It is not my place. Not my right. Who am I to do so? God rebuked Job's so-called friends when they offered what may have seemed to be godly advice but were words that would put doubt into Job's heart towards God. He is God and we are not. It always frustrated me to hear all this. I have always wanted answers. Explanations. But would I really be satisfied with what God would have to say to my incessant questions? Would I be able to handle the truth? It is true that I am not in a position to ask God to give me what I want and to demand that His responses meet my expectations. That His answers meet my standard of what is good, fair, just. My standard should be based on His because His is perfect and mine is damaged by sin. It is ironic I should be telling God that He is not fair. That He should change His methods.

I still remember my pastor's words one Sunday afternoon in 2007. It was explained to us that God does not have to limit His sovereignty in order for mankind to have complete freewill as He promised when creating the world. So too, He does not have to limit the freewill of mankind (or sin) in order to be fully sovereign over every situation. This means that though I strongly believe that God should have capped sin to some degree because some acts of man are just too gruesome and should not be allowed to take place, if He really does this, then He is backing out on His promise of free will. And, if He really does create a certain threshold beyond which sin cannot rear its ugly head, then it means He is telling us that His ability to work all things out for the good of those who love Him isn't really true. If He is able to work all things for good, then He has to allow for all things to happen at any time throughout history. The thing is, had God really placed a limit on how far sin could go, would we ever know? Would we say, "You know, I could do this but something is holding me back. Something is fishy here. I think God is not being completely truthful about His freewill promise, that cheater bug!" Well, no, we wouldn't know. We wouldn't be able to say that. But God, being perfect, would never lie even if no one could possibly find out He was being untruthful. Lying simply is against who He is.

Though I battle with thoughts of how people cope in the face of life threatening illnesses or traumatising experiences, be it a death of a loved one while heavily pregnant, or repeated abuse or a horrific accident that leaves one alive but paralysed from the shoulders down. Though I think it is too much to ask of us, too much for us to bear. Though I have a million and one questions and rebuttals, it doesn't change that God knows everything. He knows all the little details that I don't. He knows what that person has the capacity to endure because He has given them the capacity that they just need to tap into. Even if that person lives a life never hearing about God, and one day gets brutally gang raped and murdered, God knows what to do. I wonder if that person will get the chance to be with Him in eternity. Something tells me God has that all worked out even if it does not make an inch of sense to me.

What, though, do I have to say to those who have come through life overcoming one great challenge and trauma after another, who have endured and grown stronger, yet done everything apart from God? From the start they told themselves that God does not exist if He could let such a thing happen. But they determine to live on, to make the best of what they have. They gain knowledge and apply it. They gain wisdom from the knowledge acquired and tested; from experiences, both good and bad. They make decisions and face up to the consequences. They go through one tribulation after the other. What do I, someone whose life has been a breeze, have to say about God to them? I can tell them that it was God who gave them all they needed to come out the way they did. But to them that is just a convenient explanation. A bad thing happens and we say it is not of God but God allowed it for good purpose. A good thing happens and we say it has to be God, there is no coincidence or it was not just a matter of time even if the good outcome was a result of years of hard work. They will look at the times where people deemed to be good Christians were thrown into bad situations and not saved or were really ill, prayed so hard but never healed. They will look at all these things and question us about the validity of our God. But there is so much that is in the unseen. Yet how do I explain this when I myself struggle to understand the picture? It all goes back to seeking Him. Seeking His heart, His face and not just His hands to meet our demands or help us out of sticky places we put ourselves in. His love will give me the strength to wait upon Him, to wait for His timing to make all things well again, to rely on His grace and let go of all I am clinging so hard too.

I love this song by Lincoln Brewster. It's called The Power of Your Name - on his album Today is the Day. It talks about us going into a broken world in need of compassion, in need of a Saviour.

People who have lived on their own strength, no matter how strong they are, no matter what they think or say, they too need a Saviour. They need His rest. To let Him take over and do the hard work. To fully heal and restore them from all that has happened in the past. To release them from pain, from guilt or shame or fear or resentment or bitterness or hardness or misconceptions that rob them of true life without them knowing.

3 good reads for today

Elisabeth Elliot: Hope is a fixed anchor
Girlfriends in God: Turning our mistakes into opportunities
Oswald Chambers: Test of faithfulness (below)

The first person who contacts me to identify the verse that occurs in two of these readings will get a mini prize

"We know that all things work together for good to those who love God . . . " Romans 8:28

It is only a faithful person who truly believes that God sovereignly controls his circumstances. We take our circumstances for granted, saying God is in control, but not really believing it. We act as if the things that happen were completely controlled by people. To be faithful in every circumstance means that we have only one loyalty, or object of our faith— the Lord Jesus Christ. God may cause our circumstances to suddenly fall apart, which may bring the realization of our unfaithfulness to Him for not recognizing that He had ordained the situation. We never saw what He was trying to accomplish, and that exact event will never be repeated in our life. This is where the test of our faithfulness comes. If we will just learn to worship God even during the difficult circumstances, He will change them for the better very quickly if He so chooses.

Being faithful to Jesus Christ is the most difficult thing we try to do today. We will be faithful to our work, to serving others, or to anything else; just don’t ask us to be faithful to Jesus Christ. Many Christians become very impatient when we talk about faithfulness to Jesus. Our Lord is dethroned more deliberately by Christian workers than by the world. We treat God as if He were a machine designed only to bless us, and we think of Jesus as just another one of the workers.

The goal of faithfulness is not that we will do work for God, but that He will be free to do His work through us. God calls us to His service and places tremendous responsibilities on us. He expects no complaining on our part and offers no explanation on His part. God wants to use us as He used His own Son.

4 months in 4 days, wow!

On Tuesday the 23rd of December, I will have been wedded to my gorgeous husband for 4 months! Amazing! And what a great 4 months it has been. Sure, there were scary times with totally unexpected situations flying our way, making me cry bucketloads. But everything we have gone through has shown me how patient and strong my dear Fab really can be. He's such a wonderful man of God! We've had our minor tiffs but have not let the sun go down on our anger. We sort things out before the day is up, which is really important in any relationship, so I have come to learn and believe. So anyway, Fab, if you are reading this, Super Duper Wonderfuller Anniversary-er (trying way too hard to rhyme) to you in advance! I love you very muchly! So cool how it worked out to be a Tuesday before Christmas because Tuesdays are our date nights. And we get to celebrate Christmas together on this night. And we're on leave from that point for two weeks so it's magnificently Fab-uloso~!

this is me this week

With daily migraine type headaches, tummy bug and associated nausea, this is how I feel.

Not all as it should be

Women across the world need our prayers - tenacious, fall on your knees, crouch into a ball bawling your eyes out with burden upon your heart yet a fire in your spirit, cry out desperately to God til there's no breath left kind of prayers. He listens. He also wants us to have His heartbeat for people. For their needs. He wants us to have compassion and to make a difference, to bring life. His life. To them. I've included an article from Elisabeth Elliot I would like for all of us to read, consider and pray through (or rather pray through issues that women face today). Let's pray for the women of this world. Only God can heal, restore and strengthen. Only He fully understands their identity, their role, their beauty and their pain. And He loves them. We just need to fight the strongholds that Satan has over this world. I don't want there to be another battered wife, another raped woman lying on the street, another child beaten down, another young girl abducted into forced prostitution. We are not slaves. We are God's beloved daughters. Let us pray.

Took this from Elisabeth Elliot's Daily Devotional
Title: Women: The Road Ahead

A special issue of a leading news magazine had this title for its theme. There were pictures of women in prison with babies; an inconsolable "crack" baby with a tangle of tubes connected to machines, crying his little heart out; a mother charged with a felony: delivery of drugs to her newborn child; women in politics "sharing real rather than cosmetic power;" a veiled Muslim woman; ten tough-minded women who "create individual rules for success," e.g. a police chief, a bishop, a rock climber, a baseball club owner, a rap artist, a fashion tycoon, an Indian chief, and others. There were single mothers, lesbian mothers, divorced mothers, working (outside the home) mothers. There was a twelve-year-old who fixes supper for her sisters when Mom works late, and there was a man who is a househusband. But there was not one picture of a father and mother and their children. Not one.

"A jockstrap was a parting gift when Marion Howington retired last year from the once all-male post of senior v.p. at J. Walter Thompson.... For Howington, a striking 60, who began climbing the agency's ladder in Chicago in 1967, the key to success was to `be aggressive' and `think like a man.'...

`There's not a woman anywhere who made it in business who is not tough, self-centered, and enormously aggressive.'"

Readers occasionally ask me why I write about horrifying stuff. Well, to precipitate prayer and to remind us that we do not engage in a war against mere flesh and blood. As Ephesians 6 says, "We are up against the unseen power that controls this dark world, and spiritual agents from the headquarters of evil...Take your stand then with truth as your belt, righteousness your breastplate, the Gospel of peace firmly on your feet, salvation as your helmet and in your hand the sword of the Spirit, the Word of God".

There was at least one bright note in that special issue. Sixty-six percent of women aged 18-24 answered yes to the question, "If you had the opportunity, would you be interested in staying at home and raising children?" They are beginning to see that the corporate world is no day at the beach. There was encouragement also in a letter to Ann Landers from a former executive: "It suddenly dawned on me that I had my priorities bollixed up and my children deserve better. I had to admit getting fulfillment from my career was a pipe dream. It may elude me in motherhood as well, but I now know what really matters. After nine years of paying someone to raise my children, I was forced to admit my family is more important to me than anything else. I wish I had known this when my first child was born. I am now thirty-six years old and happy to say we are expecting our third child... This means cutting down on vacations, and our entertaining will be reduced to popcorn and video parties with a few old friends.... `No success in life can compensate for failure at home.'"

I had a letter from one who made it her goal to be like the godly woman of Titus 2:3-5. As usual, when one determines to obey the Lord "the enemy was there causing me to feel like my whole world is on a roller-coaster, that my family was not important, that I am worthless, lazy, because I am a homemaker. I was so tired sometimes I could barely get meals on the table. I heard remarks like, `Oh, you aren't working at all? How do you manage to live on one income? It's hard on your husband! What do you do all day? You must be bored!'

"As my husband and I listened to your program we reaffirmed the goals we had set and committed them to the Lord once more...Pray for me to be strong and of good courage and to remain faithful, with an attitude of submission, a true handmaid of the Lord."

Women need to be prayed for. They need all the encouragement they can get. Sadly, it is not always forthcoming even from other Christians. I saw a lovely girl in the market the other day with the sweetest of sweet baby girls in her grocery cart. I asked about the baby--five months old, her only child so far. "Are you able to stay home to care for her?" "Oh yes! Oh, I can't even imagine putting her in day care." I gave her my blessing. Perhaps even a brief word from a stranger can make a difference to a young mother.

Prayer lays hold of God's plan and becomes the link between His will and its accomplishment on earth. Things happen which would not happen without prayer. Let's not forget that. Amazing things happen, and we are given the privilege of being the channels of the Holy Spirit's prayer. As we pray against abortion and pornography and homosexuality and divorce and drugs and for the strengthening of homes and families, we often feel helpless and hopeless until we remember, "We do not know how to pray worthily as sons of God, but his Spirit within us is actually praying for us in those agonizing longings which never find words" (Romans 8:26).

Heart wrenching love

From a rather early age, death of a loved one, especially one's life partner, has always been a hugely sensitive and heart wrenching area for me. To this day, I have not experienced the death of someone truly close to me. As far as I can recall, my first encounter of death was of a friend when I was 7 (she was 9). We danced and played just nights before at her house when my family and others gathered for dinner. She died from a brain aneurysm that was never detected. She complained of headaches occasionally but there was nothing to cause alarm. Then one morning while her mum was at work, and she was left in the care of a lady who kept house for them, my friend took a nap after snacking on a banana. She never awoke. I don't know why she never had a father. She was her mother's everything. They didn't know God. My friend was an only child. A beautiful, mature girl who cared for me.

Growing up, I've often read of stories of how people lose their husband or wife or even young child. Many a times, they're so young. The accident or illness or trauma that took away that precious life sometimes occurred just before the couples' wedding day or just after the birth of their first child or at a time when they were experiencing financial difficulties or other instabilities. My heart would ache with every story, with every writer telling of their insurmountable pain.

"Why, God, why?" They're all such beautiful people. People who are good, who are caring. "It seems so cruel! Why don't you take away the people who hurt others, the inconsiderate people, the people who don't care about anyone apart from themselves and are horribly abusive?" "Where is Your justice and vindication God?". No answer. Just silence and a deep unsettling. All I hear are my own sobs. It's even worse when the one left to tell of the ordeal was not able to be there at that last moment, at the moment when their loved one took their last breath. Or if they were seconds faster or weren't somewhere else in the house such that they couldn't hear cries of help, they could have even prevented it from happening. It would be indescribably painful to live with that knowledge.

God gives people into our lives as a blessing and for us to be a blessing in return. He wants us to enjoy relationships. To learn to love, to give, to live for God and others, not simply ourselves. I know we are to cling to Him first and foremost. But the pain of losing that dear one can be so excruciating even if you got it all right and God was your number one priority, in whom your identity and security and faith were placed.

For me, it's so hard because I struggle so much to make God my number one. I look at Fab and I am so scared of losing him. I think of my family and I am frightened of this impending reality. I know they will go be with God. That it is so much more wonderful for them. Thank God that I can be assured of this at least. But it just hurts. God has the right to give and to take away. Everything He does is not to harm us but to give us a hope and a future. There are eternal lessons to be gained, there's character to be built, revelations to be discovered of who God really is. But it hurts. And it often does not make a whole lot of sense.

My heart goes out to Darren and his little Olivia. May God cover both of you and your family every single day. May you find a new hope and a new joy with each sunrise, and peace and strength as you lay your heads to rest at night. May Olivia's life shine as brightly, if not more so, as her mum Misty's. May you, Darren, continue to be a godly, loving father and influence to the world around you. Your videos to your daughter have touched my heart. I want to love my children with such a fierce love too. I want to be so appreciative of all around me especially those who are close to my heart, that they will never doubt my love for them and there will be no regrets to be had when the day finally comes for us to part here on earth.

hey, I didn't know that

Obviously I'm not very observant or skilled in this whole blog thing. I signed in today and saw a little icon at the top right hand corner. It said Followers (1). "What's this?" I quizzed. "Oh cool...it lists people who follow my blog...didn't realise you could indicate that you were following a person's blog" I see some of you gently slapping your hands over your forehead and eyes and slightly shaking your head at me, "seriously? you didn't know? er-duh..." Heh Heh Heh...so now I have one follower. Boy am I popular! Hee Hee...funny thing is I feel very pleased by this new little discovery. So thanks Ashley (again). Now to educate myself in how to become a follower of somebody else's blog. Doo doo doo *Jos hums to herself*

(Some minutes later) Ok, can't figure it out. No button to press, link to click on, field to fill...this function is rather mysterious and elusive. I shall prove I am no dummy. Yes, by the end of this week, I shall work this one out and rule supreme, wahahhaa! Hmmm...back to desperately trying to make myself not seem stupid. Eh-heheheh

(More minutes later) I didn't give up. But I am a silly head. It was there, in the dashboard the entire time. I just never bothered to look at it but something made me think to click on it and scroll down the page. Maybe it was God letting me know so I would stop spending time mulling over the feature. Heh. I've added Caitlyn, Charis and Diana. Oh, should put Yen and Kel and Vanessa...maybe I should add all the people I have under my Connections List. Hmmm....

Little Feet Part Two

I left my last post rather abruptly as we had to attend a farewell morning tea for the Executive Dean of this faculty. He's retiring as Exec Dean but taking up a less involved position as some form of external Vice Chancellor something or others. You can tell I listen very carefully to speeches :)

But back to babies. I am one of those people who rushes forward to carry and play with everyones' babies and toddlers but once they get to the speaking and needing to be engaged more age, I have no idea what to do with them. And I love the fact I get to hand them back if anything. Everyone thinks I'm clucky because I am almost always first in line to grab the little cuties off their tired mother's arms. I don't have a problem with feeding and nappy changing either though I may be rather awkward and slow with the process, being rather uncoordinated and clumsy. I like to make sure I'm holding the little fellas right especially when they're so new and their necks are all soft and their little heads bob around everywhere. My close friend's darling girl was wearing the most adorable little pink dress with white polka dots the other night. Janice. You can find her on Yen and Kel's blog. About a month old but man she's had a turbulent life already! Poor little bubba...

Anyhow, despite my obsession with carrying and cuddling babies, I get so worried about all that's involved. I worry about being a terrible mother-role model. About totally stuffing them up even though I will be praying like there's no tomorrow. I worry for their safety when they go out into the world after becoming the right age for school. About them being wrongly influenced by external things (I'll be one of those hawk-like parents who control the kind of television programmes they get to watch and things like that so they have the right kind of input - NO random TV! Sesame Street should be alright. I love veggie tales). They'll be listening to loads of Christian music and other healthy things.

Doesn't help that I've been hearing, more and more, about all the things that can go wrong with pregnancy and after having a baby. Women get gestational diabetes, UTI, illnesses associated with breastfeeding...not to mention the horrible all day sickness (I'm already so prone to having headaches, migraines and nausea - I can get them everyday so really don't need more of this), complications with delivery (yes, I won't go into the nasty details that colleagues, friends and articles have so kindly shared with me)...all the things that men will never have to experience. It certainly does not make my deep-rooted bias against men any easier to deal with. Don't get me wrong. I don't hate all men. I just struggle to love the ones who abuse women and children. And on a large scale, I am sometimes just so envious that they get to be somewhat oblivious to all the pains women have to endure (well, maybe not all women).

One of my colleague's husband said she should learn to embrace the pain and deal with it. That he would if he were in her shoes. He doesn't want to have to pay for another epidural (she's pregnant with their second child now). What do you say to that? Her mum offered to cover the cost if it was too much for her to bear (the pain and the expense). I relayed this to Fab after hearing it from my colleague and being appalled. Even he was enraged by the husband's insensitivity and inconsideration. My colleague is beautiful, blonde and well groomed with a lovely down to earth personality. You would never see her looking anything but bright and starry eyed with the most gorgeous clothes, great complexion and long, silky locks like she just walked out from a spa and salon. But after baby, she was hagged, harried and frazzled. Apparently little Charlton was not much of a sleeper; he cried incessantly and needed much attention. Her husband refused to give her a hand as he has to have at least 9 hours of sleep otherwise he turns into a monster. Since returning to work after maternity leave, she has slowly returned to being her old beautiful and well adjusted self. I hope with number two things will be different.

I'm incredibly blessed because Fab does not want me to go through everything alone. He once said he'd carry the child for me if he could. What a sweetheart. He tries to be as understanding and empathetic as possible and even now when I fall sick, he so patiently and lovingly cares for me. I'm such a whinger but he puts up with me. Sometimes I wish all men could be like that. I often wonder how so many women out there cope. Without God, without a loving husband or supportive family or a network of great girlfriends. That kind of strength is amazing.

It all comes down to trust. Trust. So many of my posts delve into this subject. The importance of it yet the great lack of it in my life. That is, trust in God. Security in God. Not in people and things or even ourselves. But in God first and foremost. It is with having your trust in God that trust in people comes. The people, however, should never take the place that only God should have. That's the bottom line. I'm a definite work in progress. There is so much I can't understand and grasp hold of but that's really where faith comes in. Simply having faith because He is infinitely good.

God, take a hold of my mind, my heart, my everything. May Your desires be the desires within my heart. Grant me peace and resolution. May I pursue You passionately and give my whole life unto Your good, perfect and pleasing will. Renew my mind daily that I may know in my spirit what is truly good and follow it no matter what other people try to convince me of. Be my everything God. Be my Lord of All. (And Fab's too. Grant him the strength, wisdom and anointing he needs to live for You and serve You fully and be effective in ministry) Thank You.

Little Feet

This little girl is so adorable and the dresses at ilovegorgeous are absolutely gorgeous. Yup, they weren't kidding! But of course they each cost the earth. In pounds no less. So anyway, I'm keeping the site so I can look at the pretty clothes. If I do have kids but only have boys, I don't know how I'm going to cope with the idea of not having the level of bonding I wish to have and can have with a girl (the stuff you talk about and play with and do together is so different), not to mention not being able to play dress up on my very own little princess...oh well...I'm certainly not planning on children any time soon so by that time I will have hopefully let God take over completely so He can decide what's best. I'd worry far more for a girl anyway. Would be like crazy monster mother possessive and protective.

Just read this post about not using Birth Control on Ashley Weis' blog. For me, this whole area of having children has been becoming increasingly sensitive over the years, heightening after Fab and I got engaged and almost blowing out of proportion after marriage.

I really struggle with letting God reign in every single area of my life. Falling pregnant and going through labour and having to sacrifice so many things (have I ever mentioned I love my sleep and will bite someone's head off if I have not slept well and am tired? I also love a quiet home and the time and room to do whatever I want whenever I want. I find it very draining having to give my attention to someone else beyond certain lengths of time - except Fab - especially if they talk non stop in a rather high pitched voice and I am not into the conversation) are things I find so hard to come to terms with and bring myself to actually do.

If I have children, I only want two. And I want completely whole and healthy children who will sleep well and be easy to look after and it wouldn't hurt if they had good complexions and were favoured by all people. I also want a whole heap of other things for them like I'd pray for purity, for strength, for them to be people who are fearless yet loving and gentle, respectful, kind, and the list goes from the tip of my standing fringe hair to the end of my longest toe.

In essence, I am demanding what I want. I am not leaving any room for what God wants or intends to bring about in and through my life. I do not want to see my children have handicaps and be ostracised by society and have to battle with the great challenges raising them would bring. All my prayers are selfish and leave God out of the picture. I'm not trusting. I want control and I'm not letting go. It's actually a really bad place to be. I have little peace. I'm always frightened, paranoid, anxious. It just isn't right.

Perceive Properly this Season

1 Corinthians 13 Christmas Style
©By Sharon Jaynes - taken from today's devotional on Girlfriends in God

If I decorate my house perfectly with lovely plaid bows, strands of twinkling lights, and shiny glass balls, but do not show love to my family - I'm just another decorator.

If I slave away in the kitchen, baking dozens of Christmas cookies, preparing gourmet meals, and arranging a beautifully adorned table at mealtime, but do not show love to my family - I'm just another cook.

If I work at the soup kitchen, carol in the nursing home, and give all that I have to charity, but do not show love to my family - It profits me nothing.

If I trim the spruce with shimmering angels and crocheted snowflakes, attend a myriad of holiday parties, and sing in the choir's cantata but do not focus on Christ, I have missed the point.

Love stops the cooking to hug the child.

Love sets aside the decorating to kiss the husband.

Love is kind, though harried and tired.

Love doesn't envy another home that has coordinated Christmas china and table linens.

Love doesn't yell at the kids to get out of the way.

Love doesn't give only to those who are able to give in return, but rejoices in giving to those who can't.

Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, and endures all things.

Love never fails. Video games will break; pearl necklaces will be lost; golf clubs will rust. But giving the gift of love will endure.

Love Monkey

I watched Juno a couple of weeks ago and the next day the first few lines of the song rang in my head from the time I opened my eyes to reaching the office. I'd sing softly it every couple of minutes in the car, which amused Fab.

"Your part time lover and a full time friend, the monkey on the back is the latest trend, don't see what anyone can see, in anyone else, but you"

Just found an article that talks about monkeys on our backs referring to our responsibilities. In a relationship, or more specifically, a marriage, we carry the love monkey. The responsibility to nurture love in the relationship. We should not throw this responsibility to another and shirk it ourselves.

I snapped at Fab in the car this morning over the most trivial stupid thing - rubberised baking tray. Yes, that's right, a piece of kitchen element brought about a raised tone of voice and angry words. Apparently this is a common occurrence in many marriages because we're talking about a very closely lived relationship between two very uniquely constructed individuals. But, it is so immature. Well, this kind of argument is anyway. I could have blamed my outburst on it being close to that time of month for a woman, or the headache that has been with me since yesterday morning. But none of those excuses would justify the lack of self control I demonstrated over my emotions.

Lisa Bevere devotes an entire chapter to 'Anger' in her book "Out of Control & Loving It!", and makes it a point to highlight that we are in control of this. We don't just get taken over my some force (i.e. spiritual attack being a common way of dismissing our responsibility in the matter). We can't attribute it to our ethnic heritage or upbringing or background or personal experiences. We choose our responses every minute of every day. And this morning I chose to up the volume of my speech and mutter nonsense under my breath afterwards. Fab asked why I was so worked up. I just kept very quiet and scowled so he quickly took out a book (maybe to distract himself from getting too affected by the situation and saying something regrettable). Fab is godly and mature like that. He never raises his voice or bites back with totally unnecessary statements. There may be the rare time he'll make some small comment - probably along the lines of "that's not what I meant, or why are you so angry? or I said that..." in a slightly unhappy manner but seriously, it is not at all harmful. There are no excuses to my fits of rage. No justifications. No reasons not to take hold of it and rebuke it. Why should I let it come between me and this wonderful man I have been so blessed with?

We started out on the wrong footing today so our conversation about where we saw ourselves in a few years from now (following the reading from the Couples' Devotion book about having a purposeful life even after retirement) went pear shape. I was curt and moody. I was in part honest but in part not thinking clearly or maturely. Fab has visions about building something wonderful (I'll let him share his dreams when he is ready) and really dedicating his life to the work of God in missions and whatever God desires. I, on the other hand, am perfectly happy with the thought of spending my life safely and comfortably somewhere surrounded with family and friends. No grand plans to save the world though I do have burdens I pray for. Yes, there is the desire to write and make a difference lurking somewhere within me. But most of me is just a bum. A big, fat, cellulite covered bum. I have a problem with commitment and responsibility on a larger scale. On a God scale. That needs to change. Pronto. I need vision, passion, motivation, joy. God has spoken on a couple of occasions of renewing this within me but I have a sinking feeling it's not quite happening because I'm not exactly being very cooperative. We will each find fulfillment when we are in the centre of His perfect will. I need to remember that and respond accordingly.

I was being a real childish brat today. I still live wanting everything to be my way. To please me. I am not Number One. God is. Then comes Fab and family, friends and God's people and work. I am Number whatever the very last one is. Funny thing is, looking at it like that will actually make me feel like Number One in a sense because God will take care of everything. Yes, you heard me. Everything. Every single diddly little thing. He honours and esteems us as we choose to honour Him. Why? Simply because He's Love.

Fab, will you forgive me?

Ah! Just got an email from Fab. He just apologised for not hearing me right and saying something careless. And he asked for my forgiveness?! He praised my chocolate cake and assured me of his love. What a beautiful man of God he is! Now here is a great example of leadership, of humility, of forgiveness (and a sweet spirit). He is a prime living testimony of the husband in Ephesians who loves his wife and is willing to lay down his life for her. He leads her with God's leadership and presents her as holy to God.

God, this is evidence of Your grace because You are showing me a love I have done nothing to deserve. Thank You.

Fab, I love you. I love you very much.

Am currently reading

Pastor (Dr.) Yonggi Cho's book titled "My Church Growth Stories". I have yet to finish Lisa Bevere's book but this one caught my attention. It was sitting on Fab's desk. He was somewhere in the first chapter. I picked it up last Thursday morning (we started our commute late as Fab had a site inspection to run at the Coast for work purposes). Read a couple of pages and found his writing style a combination of slightly peculiar in an interesting way, simple (making it easy to read and get the message) yet precise so you really get the point (and he makes good points) and typically Asian.

I'm now half way through the book and in the chapter about prayer. His first couple of chapters were on, firstly, the importance of sermons that build people up not tear down their self image and self esteem - he delved into various types of sermons and their significance, citing personal examples and other illustrations, and secondly, the necessity of a proper cell group system. On the area of prayer, he is teaching how one can pray effectively by using the Lord's Prayer as a model. The Lord's prayer was given by Jesus to His disciples when He was instructing them on prayer.

I think I'll compile some of the main ideas that I can really take away from his book and jot them down here. So stay tuned for some great principles and lessons from the pastor of (if I am not mistaken) the largest (and I believe of genuine Christ-followers) church in the world.

Fab's also reading one of his other books that talks about the Holy Spirit being our Senior Partner, something he explains in the first couple of chapters of the book on church growth.

Christmas prayer & wish list

Not so selfish things (prayers):

1. Days free of intentionally inflicted pain for the children in Africa and Asia. For the women in male dominated nations. For them to be seen as worthy to be loved, esteemed, and listened to. For them not to be objectified and grossly mistreated. Actually, make that prayers against any verbal, physical and/or sexual abuse to women, men and children alike across the world. For complete healing and restoration for these ones that they may experience God's deep and personal love, grace and blessings. They need to know He does care and wants to give them back everything they have lost.
2. For those who abuse to be healed and brought out of that terrible mindset that tells them this is the way to do things. That they won't be hungry for power and control, desperate to eliminate their pain through twisted ways, so deprived of proper boundaries from young that they are unaware of what they're doing to others or just not bothered by their own actions. What is fun to them is a lifetime of great misery and shame for another.
3. For women across the world to recognise their true God-given identity and worth so that they will not demean and disgrace themselves, taking away their own dignity and integrity. That they will highly value their bodies (and minds and hearts) as the temple of God and not use it to gain something but find their love and security in their Father and Maker God.
4. Total destruction and annihilation of human trafficking (especially the sex trade) and animal abuse.
5. Healing for the children and women who have been given AIDS by irresponsible men. Healing for those suffering from the cholera outbreak we have been hearing about.
6. Protection, strength and provision for the missionaries determined to give their entire lives in love and compassion towards accomplishing the will of God.
7. Softness towards God's sovereignty in the hearts of power and money hungry leaders bent on fulfilling their own agenda even if it means killing their own literally or indirectly.
8. Breakdown of man made belief, political and social systems that trap people into a lesser life and lifeless eternity.
9. For men across the world to rise as godly leaders, husbands, brothers and fathers.

Selfish things (silly wishes):

1. Something with a nice bird design on it - it could be a T-shirt, a piece of stationery like a box or notebook or folder or packet of file tab dividers or mouse mat, a decorative item for our home like a hanging wooden feature be it flat or 3-D, or a magazine rack.
2. An apple locket or bright red apple with green stalk earring studs a little smaller than a 5 cent piece.
3. A really pretty handmade journal - something to scribble in meal planners and paste recipes and write random thoughts.
4. Creative writing classes with a totally cool, fun and eccentric teacher who loves travelling, photography and design. And the excitement (not laziness) to make time to attend all of them and keep up with and enjoy any projects and homework.

Looking forward to the holidays and festive season! Wow, I can't believe the year has ended. There is so much to be grateful for and so much to plan. Have started writing out our Christmas list. So far, I've bought one present. I might get more of the same thing actually as it's a very reasonable price and others may like it. Will have a closer look at the people on my list first. Actually, I wouldn't mind getting one for myself!

Restless Seeking

It's getting progressively harder to convince myself to turn up to work everyday. I go through the same berating self-dialogue every morning. "You have to go into work because it's the right thing to do. You're not ill, you should be grateful for that and the fact that you are whole and capable of working and have a truly wonderful job and life. Be appreciative of what God has given you. Go to work. You need the money for your mortgage. Go to work. It's constructive. Try not to complain. Don't bad mouth the annoying students who think the entire universe revolves around them as they insolently and obnoxiously demand their way and insist that everything get done for them on the spot as it is SO urgent that they couldn't be bothered to organise themselves to come in any earlier but expect you to panic and sort their mistakes out and pick up their trash. Try not to think badly of the colleague who has come to irritate every single member of the faculty or the one who pretends to be oh so kind in front of everyone but who makes the life of a close and absolutely lovely colleague of yours a living hell. Go to work. Be a good steward. Oh just get up already you lazy pig! You cannot spend eternity in bed even though that may be so tempting right now. Yes, I know you want to do something else with your life. But now is not the time. Stick with what you've got. Persevere. Be faithful and diligent. Be excellent in all you do. The time will come for you to move on. Maybe then you will wish you could have stayed where you are. The change will not come easy I expect. But trust in His infinite wisdom and manifold kindness and grace. Now, get out of bed and go to work!"

I asked Pastor Lance to pray for my stagnancy last night after the service. My restlessness and growing desire to get out and do something new. After praying for me, he encouraged me to really spend time seeking God and said he felt to tell me to have faith in seeking. Many give up too soon and too easily. Seek faithfully and with patience and you will be rewarded. God rewards our earnest seeking after Him. He rewards our faith. Without faith, it is impossible to please God. We must first believe that He is and that He is all He says He is and is able and will do all He says He will. Believe He wants the best and will bring it about at the best time. God, help me to be patient and to enjoy seeking after You. Place within me a desire for that which is good in Your eyes. That which is good as it is of eternal value. Things that cannot be taken away by thieves (the devil being the main perpetrator) or destroyed by moth and rust. Things that actually count in the big scheme of things. Things that will bring peace, joy and fulfillment. I think I am disatisfied with many things as God is teaching me to find full satisfaction in Him. It may seem harsh for Him to allow us to have a desire for, say companionship, and yet sometimes allow us to endure the pain of losing that very dear one. Would it not be better to make us people who enjoy relationships but have no need for a life partner or be so deeply involved that we can get hurt? No. That would be severely shallow and sad.

Back to seeking then

Procrastinating from boring work

How cute is this icon from Etsy

Taking about Etsy, I found this apple locket necklace (by Munieca) I really like but it costs 26 US Dollars. Might see if I can purchase a locket somewhere in Brisbane or at the Coast or cheaply online so I can make my own necklace by getting a good chain and some pretty beading.

Bug report

I smashed a large cockroach that made an appearance in my bathroom last night. I'm hoping it was the same one that went into hiding a few days ago. Whacked it good with a bunch of old newspapers. But I couldn't bring myself to pick up the flattened carcass afterwards. Was too disgusted. So it was Fab to the rescue! My valiant knight in shining armour.

You know

You know it's summer when a 5-cm (in diameter) spider rushes out from the drainage hole under your feet in the shower...when his counterpart (one and a half times his size) and a couple of 2-cm baby ones greet you from behind the toilet bowl...when a big, fat cockroach scuttles across your living room floor and quickly hides itself away amongst your things. I'm sad to report the cockroach is still at large. A very short, rather high-pitched yelp last night sent Fab in to investigate, only to find me staring at the spider that ran out as I was washing my feet, having just got home. I was still in a slight state of shock. He took it away for me after several attempts (man, those things are quick on their 8 jangly legs!) It was quite an amusing sight with Fab holding out a thin, rolled up magazine with which to chase the spider, while taunting, "Hah, scared now, huh? Scared right?"

Summer. The pros - Stone fruit. Oh yeah...all that juicy goodness in a sweet, adequately ripened peach or nectarine. And then you get the plums and prunes right? Ooh, and mango, let's not forget mango.

The cons - The sometimes unbearable, cancer-inducing heat. The solution - hit the beach! The water is good and if you pick the right location, you won't have to fight off a hundred other eager civilians trying to cool themselves down in the sea. A decent sized crowd is welcome though. I like to see little kids run around in their bathers, squealing with joy as they try hard to make their little feet go faster so they can catch up with the giant beach ball their dad or mum just threw towards them. It gives me joy to watch loving, happy families enjoy quality time together.

Relax at home with the hubby and a good book or movie along with proper ventilation. Drink truckloads of homemade ice lemon tea and ice blended fruit juice.

Was worth it

I hate public speaking. It makes me incredibly nervous, which gives me a runny tummy and overactive bladder, clammy hands and pangs of fear in my stomach that release acidic juices. Tried to convince Fab to take my place in sharing a testimony in front of the church on Sunday. I had gotten away with not having to do so for the past nine years.

I should be grateful that there weren't more than 30 or 40 people in the congregation. Still, I was shaking and couldn't quite focus on worshipping - was too occupied praying that God would take away the anxiety and be the one to speak through me - that I wouldn't say a word more or a word less than what He intended, that the message would not be self centred. Must be good training to keep me humble.

So anyhow, I got up there and did my spiel and was completely relieved afterward, laughing a little too loudly at jokes that were made about a separate topic during the chairing afterwards (no, not jokes about me). What really touched me was the encouragement I received after the service. Some commented I was cool, calm and confident. Others said I was honest and open and they appreciated that. Some gave me the thumbs up and said it was a good testimony and thanked me for sharing.

The one that really blessed my heart was this - a girl from South Korea approached me as she was leaving (mind you, I don't exactly know her), reached for my hand and very sincerely said, "thank you for sharing. It was a good testimony. You spoke about things I was thinking...", alluding to the fact that I had addressed an issue she was facing and so it spoke to her directly. Praise God for that anointing! I had no idea what I was going to share so it was the Holy Spirit all the way! All glory to Him alone!

Life Groups - To know and be known

A good read on building genuine fellowship and community life - Behind the Mask talks about 3 key areas: forgiveness, integrity and humility, and highlights also, that without love, all else would be meaningless.

C is for Cookie

For some reason, I had "C" is for cookie ringing in my head this morning. Then I realised I had no idea how the rest of cookie monster's song went so I made up the next line. And then I couldn't think of what else to go with it but my mind started saying, "A" is for apple and then my train of thoughts followed.

Maybe I'll make my own books to supplement reading material for my children in the far away future if I can convince myself to produce any. I've already thought of some little ways I'm going to decorate their room/s with special things that mark milestones in or stages of their lives.

"A" is for apple, as shiny as a pearl
"A" is for Amy, a cute name for a girl

"B" is for bedknob, not corn on a cob
"B" is for the builder, whose name is Bob

"C" is for cookie, and cookie is for me
"C" is for crumbly, as a cookie should be

My colleague brought in a wedge of chocolate cake that the mum of a friend of his made. He placed it in the fridge when he got to work (in glad wrap) and just had it for morning tea. He just came in to tell me it tasted like fridge. "Taste of fridge in a sponge", he said, "with a hint of chocolate". Hmm, yummy...

Schoolies

It's that time of year again. School and uni are out and everyone's planning their holidays. This post will show my age as I have long passed the days when I used to do likewise. Only problem is, none of my plans (if I made any - probably in response to my spiritual mentor's recommendation) ever materialised. In fact, I have a habit of not carrying out most of my goals and plans. I just like how they look on paper, typed out in some pretty and orderly fashion with tables and illustrations. Anyhow, I often penned down that I'd spend the holidays finishing a particular Christian book and studying a particular book of the Bible or theme. Good things like that. Apart from spending quality time with family and friends of course. But, sure enough, the three-month summer break would come to a close and my plans would have all gone to pots (down the drain, into non-existence, whatever expression tickles your fancy). SO. I thought I would write this in a hopefully-not-vain attempt to persuade a student or two not to follow in my complacent (more like downright lazy bum bum) ways.

Spend your holiday wisely. 3 months (give or take) is actually a decently long time, but it can go very quickly if not careful. I can't believe how many of these precious breaks I have wasted in my years as a student here (not to mention my entire schooling life previously! But at that time, I really did not know much better...ok, that was a lousy "justification").

I could have gotten really serious about pursuing my relationship with God and making the most of those times to study His word, read, listen to sermons, do something really constructive even if it was a leisurely project (but at least put my mind to something) and not just fiddle around and sleep too much and consume an illegal amount of television.

I could have been far more intentional with time spent with family and friends. I look back now and I realise how little I have made the effort to really know my family members. To sit at my grandparents' feet and take in all their life stories and learn from their experiences and rejoice in how God has brought each generation through. I could have learnt how to play the violin from my grandfather or asked him about his camera collection. I could have taken more interest in every single person I claim to love yet effectively isolate by not fully opening up my life to them out of pride or whatever silly notions I may have. I've been telling of my regrets to Fab off late, saying how I miss home and want to be back for a while. We can't just yet and so are aiming to do so later next year. He reminded me I ought to call home more, even if I may not have a whole lot to say. It's about making that connection. Letting them know they are important. That you care about them and want to include them in your life by letting them in on what's been happening. I thank God that it is not too late to start now. I do not want to regret when they are gone. I want them to know, always, that I really do love every one of them very dearly.

Don't let this time pass by with nothing to show for it. When you start working, you'll wish you had holidays like that. It may be different if you end up being a teacher or working part time or something. Still, why let the chance to make something of the time you have now slip?

Called to unity and mobilisation

Colossians 3: 1-17 Rules for Holy Living

"Since, then, you have been raised with Christ, set your hearts on things above...Set your minds on things above, not on earthly things...Put to death, therefore, whatever belongs to your earthly nature: sexual immorality, impurity, lust, evil desires and greed, which is idolatry. Because of these, the wrath of God is coming. You used to walk in these ways, in the life you once lived. But now you must rid yourselves of all such things as these: anger, rage, malice, slander, and filthy language from your lips. Do not lie to each other, since you have taken off your old self with its practices and have put on the new self, which is being renewed in knowledge in the image of its Creator. Here there is no Greek or Jew, circumcised or uncircumcised, barbarian, Scythian, slave or free, but Christ is all, and is in all. (We are equal)

Therefore, as God's chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity. Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, since as members of one body you were called to peace. And be thankful. Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly as you teach and admonish one another with all wisdom, and as you sing psalms, hymns and spiritual songs with gratitude in your hearts to God. And whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him"

Pastor Lance spoke of unity and mobilisation this morning in our prayer meeting. In speaking of these, he explained the meaning of fellowship. The word fellowship signifies the coming together, in harmony (and intimacy), of two or more people, with a common purpose that effectively leads to movement - like fellow skilled crewmen on board a ship making it able to move across the seas in a decided direction. The Church is often attacked in such a way that derision and division set in to bring its downfall and destruction. We need to stand firm and stand by one another. If one needs to be corrected, do so in and out of love, not with the motivation to expose and ridicule. He asked us to pray for ourselves, that we would be people who seek to investigate and not be quick to judge, criticise and accuse our fellow brothers and sisters.

As we were praying, I thought about how I have spoken about others, claiming that I was sharing of their "weaknesses" as I was "concerned about them". In effect, I was hurt or angry and so wanted to get others on my side of thinking. How often have I spoken ill of my colleagues or students when they have rubbed me the wrong way, even in the most trivial manner. They certainly did not deserve my slander.

Recently, a friend was crushed by groundless accusations that were mass publicised, under false credentials, with the supposed intention to warn fellow ones of this friend's "strikingly flawed attitudes and personality". This person even quoted scripture as they flogged my poor friend with one character assassination after the other. It made me think how what I have said in the past could really tear down the person I was speaking of, particularly if they ever got wind of my unchecked words. Naturally, I felt the urge to defend my friend. To protect, to vindicate. Then I thought. Hurt people hurt people. Though nothing can actually justify what the accuser has done, we have to address the fact that the person acted out of being caught up by their pain and rage. I ought to uphold them in prayer just as much as my friend and not crucify the accuser. It would go nowhere otherwise. Be just another vicious cycle of hatred and revenge.

Was thinking, one of my life mottos should be: Don't say, of someone, behind their back, things you wouldn't say to their face. And if you're just mean and would say hurtful things to their face anyway, then go to the back and sort yourself out.

Wishing for...

More creativity and the patience to sit down and make something as cool as these hand made journals by Tia Bennet (refer to Two Peas in a Bucket under All Things Fancy). The bottom set would be a real challenge for me. She used the binder (cover) of an old classic (Pride and Prejudice - I love it! Reminds me of my beautiful mum - we used to watch the 6-hour long BBC version together), attached a recipe book inside, retained some of the pages of the original text but included sections for personal reflections to be recorded. She also sewed the edges of the pages and hemmed in little fabric pieces as tabs and decorative items inside (notice the pretty doily). She made her own little bookmarks and surreptitiously stuck little phrases amongst the pages (note the first image)...how fabulous would these be as gifts for that special someone who has a penchant for journals and writing and all things pretty and maybe even a little vintage!

So thankful for...

God's constant protection over Fab, myself and our families and loved ones. We made it through the massive storm on Sunday, praying it would not hail and we'd get back safely. There was no hail and we made it back safely. With each rumble in the sky last night, you could feel the whole little house shake. I prayed nothing would happen to our home and cars. Everything was standing fine this morning. Oh, that's right, I have yet to write about God's blessings in our honeymoon. Yes, will have to get to that one of these days before the year is up!

Many of my colleagues have been so badly affected by the recent storms. Trees through roofing. Broken windows, head concussions from having slipped and fallen hard on concrete due to the panic of trying to get the car inside away from hail, flooded horse stables and the whole downstairs portion of the house. They've been spending this week trying to remove debris, secure other areas of their homes, try and get some form of cover as the relentless rain has not been making things any easier.

A lot of focus has been given to The Gap but so many other suburbs have been greatly affected too. Learnt from a colleague this morning that The Gap has had all the media coverage and help due to a political feud, where one of the councils is trying hard to get more votes from the residents. All assistance has been given with the wrong motive. And residents of other areas are left alone to manage the disaster with no aid. That is just awful. Let's pray for these people. Don't get me wrong though, the residents at The Gap have been hit really hard (the photo above is real), so they do need our fervent prayers. Let's also pray for the government and people in authority to open their eyes and hearts to do the right thing by everyone and not be driven by personal agenda. Families have lost everything in the blink of an eye. They need to know God is real and watching over them and that He can and will bring healing from the pain and provide all they need to get back up again. Let's pray they will not harden their hearts all the more towards Him but come to experience His love, grace and goodness through this tragedy.

Psalm 95: 1-2 "Come, let us sing for joy to the LORD; let us shout aloud to the Rock of our salvation. Let us come before him with thanksgiving and extol him with music and song" - One area I need to grow in is to give God thanks all the time, in all circumstances. To recognise that no matter what happens, He's got it all under control and will work it for the best of those who love Him.

Thinking of...

Family, and visiting over the Easter break in April next year if not earlier. Hee, my dad looks all serious and proper, Fab looks really big and my nephew's making the peace sign

Writing and being one of those freelance Christian women writers who have the most beautiful lives that bless the multitudes and who are great designers or photographers or creative people of some form
















Learning photography


Making my own Christmas tree and decorations to go on it and around our home


Antique furniture - I want to be one of those people who have a knack for finding great little pieces of furniture or things for the home that are super cheap. They may look like they've seen better days but if you know how to put on the artist eyes, they have great potential if given a few touch-ups and coordinated with other pieces that just make the place look totally spesh

Karen Cheng's pancakes and white chocolate and raspberry muffin recipe. I love these photos she took of the final product. She is one very hip and happening mum of three (with the last little one scoring free rides everywhere in her womb)

This pretty scarf I found on someone's blog - oh dear, let me try and remember whose - she made it. You can't see the gorgeous embroidered detaling but trust me, it's sweet, classy, girly and great for a light winter all rolled into one! Aha! Found it! She also carved this awesome pumpkin for Halloween

Driving a taxi. No, I'm kidding. I just wanted to include this picture somewhere. It makes me think of travels someplace completely different

Being an awesome cook! Am so lazy when it comes to cooking but actually there are lots of things that can be done very easily. I just have to get the right recipes and ingredients and stop making the same boring things all the time for my poor husband

i ♥

Comfort Food

There's something about pastry that's crispy on top and chewy on the inside...pastry covering warm treats like melting Ricotta cheese and chives or curried mince and vegies like the one I made last week (picture above). May not look so impressive by the photos but gosh, it was yummy. Fab ate lots of it the night I made it for dinner but there was still enough to give a dinner-sized container full of it to a friend and for Fab and myself to have it for lunch the next day. Although reheating caused it to lose its crispy bits, I still thoroughly enjoyed it with splashings of ketchup.

Was a little sad we couldn't have dinner at Oishi Sushi at Pinelands on Monday as it is closed every Monday, we discovered to our dismay. But Charis suggested we try Kaisen further down the road. Not too bad. The sashimi and karaage were good. Poor Vania...I forgot she's not much of a raw fish fan nor does she eat many types of greens, but we had tempura and unagi rolls and Norman got teriyaki chicken so I think she had enough to eat. Besides, we proceeded downstairs to the Soy Cafe for dessert afterwards, who incidentally ran out of grass jelly and sesame balls. Sigh.