Our Little March Darling

Dear Phoebe,

You arrived on the first of March and our hearts could not be fuller. Papa and I are bursting with joy at being your parents. The labour was long and arduous but Daddy God made sure you were happy throughout the twenty one and a half hours. He was very gracious in answering my prayers for a natural delivery without drugs or intervention.

We were concerned when told you were facing the wrong way even though your head was downwards, but you turned in the last hour. It did mean, however, that I had pain in my back as well as the abdomen during each contraction. Thankfully, relief came from Papa faithfully holding a shower of warm water over my back for the most part as I knelt on a towel slung over a birthing ball. Although I cannot imagine going through that experience again, I can certainly agree with the many mothers who say it is all worth it. As soon as the midwife placed you on my chest, I fell in love. And I know Papa did too. You are so precious; I cannot get enough of staring at you, smooching your adorable face and getting in loads of cuddles.

The first week brought me many tears as we discovered you were quite jaundiced and had drastically dropped in weight. Papa and I thought you were just a really good sleeper but the doctor explained over-drowsiness is a symptom of jaundice and low blood sugars. While we were grateful the blood test indicated you did not require UV treatment, we were told to monitor your condition as a further drop in blood sugars or a spike in jaundice could lead to seizures and brain damage. My heart broke when I learnt my milk had not come in as I was not able to provide you with what was needed to be well. I remember holding you tightly and pleading for God to bring complete healing and to enable me to give you the best start in life. To encourage you to feed and have enough liquid to pass out the bilirubin, Papa dashed out that night to get a tin of formula. Although this solution is not my ideal way of giving you the essential nutrients to build a strong immune system, you are doing considerably well and have plumped up nicely. 

This season of adjusting to a new routine of three-hourly meals, bottle sterilising and an electric breast milk pump will not last long so Papa and I are cherishing every moment even though we may be tired at times. Despite there being several challenges at this stage for me, this is a good opportunity to grow my trust in God and willingness to release control. My security needs to lie in God in order for me to parent you better. I must not allow my identity to be defined by insensitive comments (no matter how close the person who utters them is to Papa and I), or where I think I rank according to society's supposed standards for motherhood. The truth of who I am and how well I am doing as your Mama can only be found in God. It is inevitable that Papa and I will make mistakes, but what is important is our heart to keep God at the centre of our family and the way we raise you. We will always cover you in prayer and you can rest assured that God will look after every area of your life. 

My sweetheart, you are a delight. I struggled for so long over the idea of being a mum but you have captivated my heart. Papa and I are truly blessed to have you in our lives. We will love you no matter what. You must know this in the depth of your being, this and the fact that God's love for you is absolutely unconditional, endless, faultless and immense. Hold onto these words for the world will try to convince you that acceptance, significance and personal worth are based on performance and stature. That is simply a huge lie many of us have fallen for. You have been fearfully and wonderfully made. You are God's beloved and our dearest. Nothing will ever change that. 

I love that you need us so much right now, for I know there will come a day when our arms may no longer be the first place you run to. You will mature and develop a sense of independence. You will learn to make your own decisions and fend for yourself. You may even start to contest our opinions and reject our advice in light of your own knowledge and perspective. Whatever it is, we will endeavour to teach you in the ways of God so you will not depart from them as you get older. And even if parenting becomes difficult as you go through different life phases, we will remind ourselves to treasure each day and every step of the journey. 

God has a wonderful plan for your life, baby girl, and we will be here to help you unravel all that He has in store. Our prayer is that you dream big with Him and boldly step out to pursue those dreams. Do not let us or anyone else impose their goals on you for your path has been specially paved by Daddy God. Courageously be who He has created you to be, not who others may want you to be. If you get tempted to compare yourself with others, remember you have a unique set of giftings that fit in perfectly with your personality and life experiences. No one can take your place so just focus on being the best you. God will forever be your greatest supporter but Papa and I are next in line cheering you on loudly. 

Love, Mama