God, may this be the song of my life, in every season may I remember the reason You are worthy of worship and thanksgiving always. When I am dry, may my heart cry out for more of You til I am filled to overflowing with Your Spirit once again, able to give, to bless, to love once again. With no restraints, with no complaints, with no hurt and pain and a weariness that comes from relying on my limited strength. But be my strength Oh Lord, be my hope, my source of comfort and joy.
When I was listening to the song, I started imagining myself leading it in church and afterwards giving a testimony to the congregation of God's victory in my life. The thing is I was testifying of something not real to me. I was telling the congregation about how I had lost our first child after carrying it for several months. How that made me question why God would bring me through such pain, why He would allow everything to seem good (with the baby's health not at all in question) and then suddenly permit such grief. I then shared how God brought strength and comfort and healing. How I was able to lift my head because of Him, because of who He is and what He is able to do in and through my life. How He then gave us another child. I pondered over this scene in my head and came to the conclusion that I never want to go through that, that I'll never have the courage to face such a trial. But then I found this recording.
Before that I had seen the music video and not thought much of the two women singing. But after hearing her story and how she stood there and worshipped God with all of her heart, mind and soul and body, it really hit my heart. God is able. We may not be and we may wonder why He would let us get hurt. But God is in control and He does not give us to situations to be crushed but He gives situations so we may be moulded and mature. Father, if ever You decide to bring me through a difficult circumstance, I do not want to return to my old self and turn against You. I do not want to be the same person, the kind who gets resentful and bitter, who yells profanities at You out of my rage and hurt. I want to run into Your arms and give myself to the work You are doing in me out of a love so deep no one can fully comprehend. Lord, I do not want to blame You or distance myself from You. I say this now but somehow I think I may still fail You. Do not lose patience with me though. Please keep giving me the chance to come back to You, to grasp more of Your heart, Your character, Your purpose. To come to that point of being able to rest in what You are doing and to have Your peace that transcends all human understanding.
When I was listening to the song, I started imagining myself leading it in church and afterwards giving a testimony to the congregation of God's victory in my life. The thing is I was testifying of something not real to me. I was telling the congregation about how I had lost our first child after carrying it for several months. How that made me question why God would bring me through such pain, why He would allow everything to seem good (with the baby's health not at all in question) and then suddenly permit such grief. I then shared how God brought strength and comfort and healing. How I was able to lift my head because of Him, because of who He is and what He is able to do in and through my life. How He then gave us another child. I pondered over this scene in my head and came to the conclusion that I never want to go through that, that I'll never have the courage to face such a trial. But then I found this recording.
Before that I had seen the music video and not thought much of the two women singing. But after hearing her story and how she stood there and worshipped God with all of her heart, mind and soul and body, it really hit my heart. God is able. We may not be and we may wonder why He would let us get hurt. But God is in control and He does not give us to situations to be crushed but He gives situations so we may be moulded and mature. Father, if ever You decide to bring me through a difficult circumstance, I do not want to return to my old self and turn against You. I do not want to be the same person, the kind who gets resentful and bitter, who yells profanities at You out of my rage and hurt. I want to run into Your arms and give myself to the work You are doing in me out of a love so deep no one can fully comprehend. Lord, I do not want to blame You or distance myself from You. I say this now but somehow I think I may still fail You. Do not lose patience with me though. Please keep giving me the chance to come back to You, to grasp more of Your heart, Your character, Your purpose. To come to that point of being able to rest in what You are doing and to have Your peace that transcends all human understanding.
1 comment:
What a powerful message! I think and pray so much like you sometimes, yet still have that tendency to "retreat" and get wrapped up in my own selfish desires. Thanks for sharing your heart.
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