Ashley Weis. I said I'd post about her. Ashley is a Christian writer from America. I came across an article by her on 'Ungrind' and it cut deep in my heart. This is going to be a very long post so please bear with me. I decided to write to her, half expecting I wouldn't hear back because I'm this complete stranger from half-way across the world and she would have a lot on her plate. But she did reply, and what a reply it was. I've taken out the main paragraphs as an encouragement to those who struggle with 'beauty' as much as I do. I hope you will take time to read through this as it carries God's empowering truth about our identity. I want to thank Ashley for this. It's amazing to see how God has been working in and through her life and that of her husband's and how their lives and relationship have grown (it'd make more sense if you viewed her website).
"I guess my husband could say that because he liked other qualities at the time. He had a skewed view of beauty. In his eyes, darker eyes, bigger lips, smaller chest, all those things and more were “more beautiful.” In reality, I think he meant “sexier.” But either way, in comparison, there will always be another woman more beautiful than me. I’m unfair to myself when I think otherwise. However, beauty should not be just outward appearance. A woman can be stunningly attractive and yet my husband should (and now does) consider me the most beautiful. Because I am his bride. That alone puts me above everyone else.
I can relate to you. I’ve had tons of insecurities. Although they didn’t truly formulate until about a year before I met my husband. I met a few guys along the way who were very image-driven. “Change your make-up” … “Your teeth need to be whiter” …. “Your clothes aren't stylish enough.” Things like that were often said to me and they really got me down. When I met my husband he was very much into fashion and I’m just not. So I struggled a lot.
Still do. We were at Friendly’s last night and walked by a table where a pretty girl was sitting that I know is more beautiful than me. But here’s the thing. Just like my husband can look, realize he saw something pretty, then choose to look away and think positively… I can too. I can choose to say, “Oh, there’s a pretty girl, but I’m not going to compare, I’m not going to think she’s more beautiful, and I’m not going to over analyze the fact that my husband just saw her.”
That’s what I did last night. It wasn’t easy, but I just kept thinking about how much I love my husband. I set my thoughts on pure thoughts, not destructive ones.
One thing you have to remember is that we do have an active enemy, very active. For women and men this image, beauty, sex-driven world is a big struggle that most people don’t know how to deal with. They brush it off as not a big deal. Marriages agree to have celebrity crushes. It’s stupid.
We’re called to holiness. To a pure mind and heart. For us ladies, this stuff is just as much of a struggle, if not more! We compare ourselves all the time. This is one thing that helps me to realize I’m beautiful: If every woman in the world vanished and I was the only woman who existed, I’d be the most beautiful woman in the world.
It’s true. I would be. But it’s sad. Because I’m only saying that because no one else would exist to compare myself to. Your husband should see you that way. As the only woman in “his world.” And you should see yourself that way too. As the only woman in his world.
Only recently have George and I gone a few months without a huge argument and emotional storm in my heart. God is leading me. I feel beautiful, but not in the world’s standards. In God’s. Seeking that kind of beauty has made all the difference. And my husband agrees.
A woman striving for beauty is not beautiful. Because she already is beauty. She just needs to rest in who she is and be confident in God’s design. A woman at rest with her beauty is truly beautiful. A woman at rest with God. With herself. With her husband.
I wish George could promise me that I’m the most beautiful woman in the world too. But it’s just an unfair expectation, like you said. I mean think about it… we know we aren’t, so why should we expect them to think we are?
I guess we need to remember that we (women) are more focused on our appearance than our husbands. They care. I mean—they want to be attracted to us, just like we want to be attracted to them. But we are the ones that compare ourselves to other women. Naturally, men don’t do that. If they find another woman attractive, they don’t compare. They find women attractive separately, kind of like God does. My husband would probably think you are pretty, but at the same time he would think I am pretty. And if he saw you and thought, “Hey, that’s a pretty girl,” he wouldn’t immediately think, “Wow, her hair is better than my wife’s.”
That’s how we think. We see a pretty girl and think, “Wow, that’s better than mine.” It’s our jealous, covetous nature. It’s sin on our part. Just like lust is a sin on our husband’s part. We need to keep that in check just as much as we want our husbands to keep their lust in check. Submitting every thought to Christ as it comes. “Wow, her eyes are pretty” should stay at that and not go into jealous thoughts.
This world makes it so hard to be comfortable in our own skin. Commercials, advertisements, billboards, malls, tanning salons, even Christian magazines advertise “be a better you.” Women are never seen without make-up and lighting and touch-ups on the covers of our favorite Christian magazines. It’s no worse than the latest Redbook cover, if you ask me. The world tells us, “You need something else to be beautiful” because they want us to buy their products and spend our money trying to look better and feel better about ourselves.
God has another plan that few women discover and traverse. He says, “Find rest in who you are. Don’t look to the world. Look to me. You don’t even need that blush to be beautiful. You already are. You don’t need a flat stomach. You are beautiful. Rest in what my heart fashioned and my hands created. Rest in YOU.”
It sounds nice, but it’s hard to believe. We have arrows attacking us every day. Which is why I try to stray from places that I know will haunt me. Like blockbuster or the mall. We don’t even have a television (of course there are more reasons that that) I don’t want to be fed the world’s view of beauty. I want to be fed God’s view. The more I revel in His view of EVERYTHING, the more I feel beautiful and can rest knowing that I wouldn’t want to be a superficial kind of beautiful anyway.
Women who are focused on their appearance too much are not at rest. You can tell. They look every other woman up and down to see what they’re wearing. They compare. They shop constantly. And their hearts are empty. No matter how much they strive for beauty, they don’t feel beautiful. It’s because they’re looking in the wrong places.
I am pregnant right now with my second. I got pregnant again when my daughter was 8 months old. So… my body has not been the sexiest since I married my husband. :o) I got pregnant right away, and once my body sort of got back to normal, we got pregnant again. Sometimes I feel like I want to use birth control to “control” when we have kids because I’m afraid of ruining my body. Think about that. When I think about that I want to cry for myself. It sounds so pitiful. I want to stop having children because I don’t want to lose my worldly sex appeal.
But God helps me through it. I feel sexy even when I’m pregnant, because sexiness is more than what the world makes it seem. It’s a confidence in who you are. And some days I have pretty bad days, but God has really healed and helped me feel beautiful in ways I never imagined.
I know what you mean about worrying. I did that a lot, and sometimes still do. But just remember that “someone” (eh, em… satan) is against your marriage. The greatest weapon he has is fear. Fear keeps us from a lot of things. But God can overcome that. He can shower you with peace. You will only find that in Him. Your husband can and should make you feel beautiful. He should value your beauty over any other woman’s beauty. But that doesn’t mean another woman will not be “worldly” more beautiful in his eyes. But there is a beauty you, his wife, have that no other woman in the world has and could ever have. It’s a beauty that goes way beyond looks. And it will last while your old and gray, and yes, pregnant. :o)
Try not to listen to the world. It will only haunt you, destroy you, and make you feel like you are always lacking something. You are not lacking anything. You have the King of Kings, which is all you need, and He says, “There is no one like you. You are beautiful.”
Don’t compare. Turn those thoughts to Christ immediately. Rest. You are beautiful. I went to your blog and I’ll make sure to stop by often. :o) You have nothing to worry about. You are in God’s hands"
"I guess my husband could say that because he liked other qualities at the time. He had a skewed view of beauty. In his eyes, darker eyes, bigger lips, smaller chest, all those things and more were “more beautiful.” In reality, I think he meant “sexier.” But either way, in comparison, there will always be another woman more beautiful than me. I’m unfair to myself when I think otherwise. However, beauty should not be just outward appearance. A woman can be stunningly attractive and yet my husband should (and now does) consider me the most beautiful. Because I am his bride. That alone puts me above everyone else.
I can relate to you. I’ve had tons of insecurities. Although they didn’t truly formulate until about a year before I met my husband. I met a few guys along the way who were very image-driven. “Change your make-up” … “Your teeth need to be whiter” …. “Your clothes aren't stylish enough.” Things like that were often said to me and they really got me down. When I met my husband he was very much into fashion and I’m just not. So I struggled a lot.
Still do. We were at Friendly’s last night and walked by a table where a pretty girl was sitting that I know is more beautiful than me. But here’s the thing. Just like my husband can look, realize he saw something pretty, then choose to look away and think positively… I can too. I can choose to say, “Oh, there’s a pretty girl, but I’m not going to compare, I’m not going to think she’s more beautiful, and I’m not going to over analyze the fact that my husband just saw her.”
That’s what I did last night. It wasn’t easy, but I just kept thinking about how much I love my husband. I set my thoughts on pure thoughts, not destructive ones.
One thing you have to remember is that we do have an active enemy, very active. For women and men this image, beauty, sex-driven world is a big struggle that most people don’t know how to deal with. They brush it off as not a big deal. Marriages agree to have celebrity crushes. It’s stupid.
We’re called to holiness. To a pure mind and heart. For us ladies, this stuff is just as much of a struggle, if not more! We compare ourselves all the time. This is one thing that helps me to realize I’m beautiful: If every woman in the world vanished and I was the only woman who existed, I’d be the most beautiful woman in the world.
It’s true. I would be. But it’s sad. Because I’m only saying that because no one else would exist to compare myself to. Your husband should see you that way. As the only woman in “his world.” And you should see yourself that way too. As the only woman in his world.
Only recently have George and I gone a few months without a huge argument and emotional storm in my heart. God is leading me. I feel beautiful, but not in the world’s standards. In God’s. Seeking that kind of beauty has made all the difference. And my husband agrees.
A woman striving for beauty is not beautiful. Because she already is beauty. She just needs to rest in who she is and be confident in God’s design. A woman at rest with her beauty is truly beautiful. A woman at rest with God. With herself. With her husband.
I wish George could promise me that I’m the most beautiful woman in the world too. But it’s just an unfair expectation, like you said. I mean think about it… we know we aren’t, so why should we expect them to think we are?
I guess we need to remember that we (women) are more focused on our appearance than our husbands. They care. I mean—they want to be attracted to us, just like we want to be attracted to them. But we are the ones that compare ourselves to other women. Naturally, men don’t do that. If they find another woman attractive, they don’t compare. They find women attractive separately, kind of like God does. My husband would probably think you are pretty, but at the same time he would think I am pretty. And if he saw you and thought, “Hey, that’s a pretty girl,” he wouldn’t immediately think, “Wow, her hair is better than my wife’s.”
That’s how we think. We see a pretty girl and think, “Wow, that’s better than mine.” It’s our jealous, covetous nature. It’s sin on our part. Just like lust is a sin on our husband’s part. We need to keep that in check just as much as we want our husbands to keep their lust in check. Submitting every thought to Christ as it comes. “Wow, her eyes are pretty” should stay at that and not go into jealous thoughts.
This world makes it so hard to be comfortable in our own skin. Commercials, advertisements, billboards, malls, tanning salons, even Christian magazines advertise “be a better you.” Women are never seen without make-up and lighting and touch-ups on the covers of our favorite Christian magazines. It’s no worse than the latest Redbook cover, if you ask me. The world tells us, “You need something else to be beautiful” because they want us to buy their products and spend our money trying to look better and feel better about ourselves.
God has another plan that few women discover and traverse. He says, “Find rest in who you are. Don’t look to the world. Look to me. You don’t even need that blush to be beautiful. You already are. You don’t need a flat stomach. You are beautiful. Rest in what my heart fashioned and my hands created. Rest in YOU.”
It sounds nice, but it’s hard to believe. We have arrows attacking us every day. Which is why I try to stray from places that I know will haunt me. Like blockbuster or the mall. We don’t even have a television (of course there are more reasons that that) I don’t want to be fed the world’s view of beauty. I want to be fed God’s view. The more I revel in His view of EVERYTHING, the more I feel beautiful and can rest knowing that I wouldn’t want to be a superficial kind of beautiful anyway.
Women who are focused on their appearance too much are not at rest. You can tell. They look every other woman up and down to see what they’re wearing. They compare. They shop constantly. And their hearts are empty. No matter how much they strive for beauty, they don’t feel beautiful. It’s because they’re looking in the wrong places.
I am pregnant right now with my second. I got pregnant again when my daughter was 8 months old. So… my body has not been the sexiest since I married my husband. :o) I got pregnant right away, and once my body sort of got back to normal, we got pregnant again. Sometimes I feel like I want to use birth control to “control” when we have kids because I’m afraid of ruining my body. Think about that. When I think about that I want to cry for myself. It sounds so pitiful. I want to stop having children because I don’t want to lose my worldly sex appeal.
But God helps me through it. I feel sexy even when I’m pregnant, because sexiness is more than what the world makes it seem. It’s a confidence in who you are. And some days I have pretty bad days, but God has really healed and helped me feel beautiful in ways I never imagined.
I know what you mean about worrying. I did that a lot, and sometimes still do. But just remember that “someone” (eh, em… satan) is against your marriage. The greatest weapon he has is fear. Fear keeps us from a lot of things. But God can overcome that. He can shower you with peace. You will only find that in Him. Your husband can and should make you feel beautiful. He should value your beauty over any other woman’s beauty. But that doesn’t mean another woman will not be “worldly” more beautiful in his eyes. But there is a beauty you, his wife, have that no other woman in the world has and could ever have. It’s a beauty that goes way beyond looks. And it will last while your old and gray, and yes, pregnant. :o)
Try not to listen to the world. It will only haunt you, destroy you, and make you feel like you are always lacking something. You are not lacking anything. You have the King of Kings, which is all you need, and He says, “There is no one like you. You are beautiful.”
Don’t compare. Turn those thoughts to Christ immediately. Rest. You are beautiful. I went to your blog and I’ll make sure to stop by often. :o) You have nothing to worry about. You are in God’s hands"
No comments:
Post a Comment