Restless Seeking

It's getting progressively harder to convince myself to turn up to work everyday. I go through the same berating self-dialogue every morning. "You have to go into work because it's the right thing to do. You're not ill, you should be grateful for that and the fact that you are whole and capable of working and have a truly wonderful job and life. Be appreciative of what God has given you. Go to work. You need the money for your mortgage. Go to work. It's constructive. Try not to complain. Don't bad mouth the annoying students who think the entire universe revolves around them as they insolently and obnoxiously demand their way and insist that everything get done for them on the spot as it is SO urgent that they couldn't be bothered to organise themselves to come in any earlier but expect you to panic and sort their mistakes out and pick up their trash. Try not to think badly of the colleague who has come to irritate every single member of the faculty or the one who pretends to be oh so kind in front of everyone but who makes the life of a close and absolutely lovely colleague of yours a living hell. Go to work. Be a good steward. Oh just get up already you lazy pig! You cannot spend eternity in bed even though that may be so tempting right now. Yes, I know you want to do something else with your life. But now is not the time. Stick with what you've got. Persevere. Be faithful and diligent. Be excellent in all you do. The time will come for you to move on. Maybe then you will wish you could have stayed where you are. The change will not come easy I expect. But trust in His infinite wisdom and manifold kindness and grace. Now, get out of bed and go to work!"

I asked Pastor Lance to pray for my stagnancy last night after the service. My restlessness and growing desire to get out and do something new. After praying for me, he encouraged me to really spend time seeking God and said he felt to tell me to have faith in seeking. Many give up too soon and too easily. Seek faithfully and with patience and you will be rewarded. God rewards our earnest seeking after Him. He rewards our faith. Without faith, it is impossible to please God. We must first believe that He is and that He is all He says He is and is able and will do all He says He will. Believe He wants the best and will bring it about at the best time. God, help me to be patient and to enjoy seeking after You. Place within me a desire for that which is good in Your eyes. That which is good as it is of eternal value. Things that cannot be taken away by thieves (the devil being the main perpetrator) or destroyed by moth and rust. Things that actually count in the big scheme of things. Things that will bring peace, joy and fulfillment. I think I am disatisfied with many things as God is teaching me to find full satisfaction in Him. It may seem harsh for Him to allow us to have a desire for, say companionship, and yet sometimes allow us to endure the pain of losing that very dear one. Would it not be better to make us people who enjoy relationships but have no need for a life partner or be so deeply involved that we can get hurt? No. That would be severely shallow and sad.

Back to seeking then