I'm in a dilemma regarding priorities, and I acknowledge it will probably be an ongoing lesson until I finally grasp and am convinced of what Paul understood when he said, "To live is Christ and to die is gain". At present, I have dreams as to what sort of home I would like to live in, what sort of job I think I would be happy in, and over personal appearance and things I would like to own. I also have desires in relation to comfort and future security, on the basis of health, safety and finances, for Fab, our families and myself. These desires, I find hard to let go.
My dream apartment is described in point form on a Word document, saved complete with picture references. There is a separate list of ideas I have for our current place in order to revamp it since I am happy to accept that my dream may not be materialised and I don't want most of the items we already own to go to waste. Still, I do dream. I browse blogs and websites to look at the things I like, and sometimes I envy the people who own them.
After Fab and I watched "The Prince of Persia" on DVD last night, we reviewed footage on how the movie was made. The cost of producing this epic film got me thinking. Billions of dollars is spent on "entertainment" that is founded on poor values, and I'm not just talking about movies. Of course there is entertainment and material conveyed through the media that do not fall in this category but let's put those aside. What if the money was channelled towards eliminating poverty instead? What if it was used to improve lives for entire communities through proper education, projects on infrastructure (solid housing, sanitary water supply, reliable utilities, etc) and health care?
Then it hit me. How can I be focused on building my dream home while others are sleeping on the streets regardless of whether they have the means to choose a different path or not? How can I be obsessed with my petty desires when others are being captured as slaves, forced into a corrupt militia as child soldiers, or locked away in the sex trade?
God wants us to enjoy life, but He doesn't mean for me to bury myself in temporary pleasures so as to escape the reality of suffering in my local community and around the world. Where do I draw the line though? Some choose to live frugally so they can give as much as possible. Others have beautiful homes but still give generously out of their abundance. Is one more right than the other? No, but what does 'giving all I can for the Gospel' mean for me presently?
I know it is not a matter of abiding by a certain rule, if say there were to be a standard of how much one should give, taking into consideration their circumstances. There is the ten percent that we tithe, but I am not referring to that. I mean in terms of finding the balance between stewarding my resources towards what I want and towards advancing God's kingdom. The answer to "how much" should not be a legalistic response.
Psalm 37 speaks of delighting in God and receiving the desires of our heart. But the verse works in two ways. As we delight in God and find that He is all we need and want, His will becomes our desire and, as we partner with Him, He brings that desire to pass. So then, in surrendering all my dreams to God, the frivolous ones should fade in importance as the desire to see His will be fulfilled on earth (as it is in heaven) grows in my heart.
On a practical level, however, should I set aside the amount I am willing to spend on my home so it is ready for when God places causes on my heart to give to? Should I do this now as an act of surrendering my dreams? Because if I have the resources to invest in things that do not count for eternity, I can very well appropriate them towards the things that do. After all, I'm sure God would rather I build His house than my own, which can be destroyed by moth and rust.
I believe my finding Francis Chan's message on 'What do you need in order to be happy?' was not by chance. It goes beyond the working out of "how much is wise or how much enough" to the deeper issue, the heart condition or attitude before God. It looks at whether we get the message Paul and the disciples got after Jesus left - that we can be satisfied whether we have much or a little because we are rich in Him. I've included some points from Francis in this post (there is a link to his website and the full sermon there).
I need to find complete contentment in God, and seek Him and His kingdom and His righteous above all else.
This could be a life-long journey. Either way, I should be checking myself - Do I know God more today than I did last year? Am I closer to Him? Are there areas of my life I have not surrendered? What more can I do for His glory? How much more can I give? What is He laying upon my heart to give towards? Am I covering my unwillingness to give by calling it wisdom? Am I choosing to give financially as opposed to getting involved physically because it's the easier way out? Am I still inward looking?
The truth is, if I get to have my dream home, this may make it more difficult for me to give it up if God were to call Fab and I to move to a developing country for missions. Already I hold onto my comfort zone. If I can be free of the desire to own things and to be comfortable (as I define comfort at this point in time), I can serve God with all of me. It's definitely not a coincidence that midway through this post, a friend emailed reflections she wrote some years ago on stepping out of comfort zones, citing the verse "whoever clings tightly to his life will lose it, whoever lets his life go for God will keep it for eternity". She had simply found the document on her computer and thought it funny to share.
God works in seasons, no doubt about that. The passages on Biblegateway this week have been on living right before God, an echo of what He has been speaking to individuals in our church and Fab and I about. I leave you today's Daily verse. 2 Peter 3: 10-11 "But the day of the Lord will come like a thief. The heavens will disappear with a roar; the elements will be destroyed by fire, and the earth and everything in it will be laid bare. Since everything will be destroyed in this way, what kind of people ought you to be? You ought to live holy and godly lives."
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