Little Feet Part Two

I left my last post rather abruptly as we had to attend a farewell morning tea for the Executive Dean of this faculty. He's retiring as Exec Dean but taking up a less involved position as some form of external Vice Chancellor something or others. You can tell I listen very carefully to speeches :)

But back to babies. I am one of those people who rushes forward to carry and play with everyones' babies and toddlers but once they get to the speaking and needing to be engaged more age, I have no idea what to do with them. And I love the fact I get to hand them back if anything. Everyone thinks I'm clucky because I am almost always first in line to grab the little cuties off their tired mother's arms. I don't have a problem with feeding and nappy changing either though I may be rather awkward and slow with the process, being rather uncoordinated and clumsy. I like to make sure I'm holding the little fellas right especially when they're so new and their necks are all soft and their little heads bob around everywhere. My close friend's darling girl was wearing the most adorable little pink dress with white polka dots the other night. Janice. You can find her on Yen and Kel's blog. About a month old but man she's had a turbulent life already! Poor little bubba...

Anyhow, despite my obsession with carrying and cuddling babies, I get so worried about all that's involved. I worry about being a terrible mother-role model. About totally stuffing them up even though I will be praying like there's no tomorrow. I worry for their safety when they go out into the world after becoming the right age for school. About them being wrongly influenced by external things (I'll be one of those hawk-like parents who control the kind of television programmes they get to watch and things like that so they have the right kind of input - NO random TV! Sesame Street should be alright. I love veggie tales). They'll be listening to loads of Christian music and other healthy things.

Doesn't help that I've been hearing, more and more, about all the things that can go wrong with pregnancy and after having a baby. Women get gestational diabetes, UTI, illnesses associated with breastfeeding...not to mention the horrible all day sickness (I'm already so prone to having headaches, migraines and nausea - I can get them everyday so really don't need more of this), complications with delivery (yes, I won't go into the nasty details that colleagues, friends and articles have so kindly shared with me)...all the things that men will never have to experience. It certainly does not make my deep-rooted bias against men any easier to deal with. Don't get me wrong. I don't hate all men. I just struggle to love the ones who abuse women and children. And on a large scale, I am sometimes just so envious that they get to be somewhat oblivious to all the pains women have to endure (well, maybe not all women).

One of my colleague's husband said she should learn to embrace the pain and deal with it. That he would if he were in her shoes. He doesn't want to have to pay for another epidural (she's pregnant with their second child now). What do you say to that? Her mum offered to cover the cost if it was too much for her to bear (the pain and the expense). I relayed this to Fab after hearing it from my colleague and being appalled. Even he was enraged by the husband's insensitivity and inconsideration. My colleague is beautiful, blonde and well groomed with a lovely down to earth personality. You would never see her looking anything but bright and starry eyed with the most gorgeous clothes, great complexion and long, silky locks like she just walked out from a spa and salon. But after baby, she was hagged, harried and frazzled. Apparently little Charlton was not much of a sleeper; he cried incessantly and needed much attention. Her husband refused to give her a hand as he has to have at least 9 hours of sleep otherwise he turns into a monster. Since returning to work after maternity leave, she has slowly returned to being her old beautiful and well adjusted self. I hope with number two things will be different.

I'm incredibly blessed because Fab does not want me to go through everything alone. He once said he'd carry the child for me if he could. What a sweetheart. He tries to be as understanding and empathetic as possible and even now when I fall sick, he so patiently and lovingly cares for me. I'm such a whinger but he puts up with me. Sometimes I wish all men could be like that. I often wonder how so many women out there cope. Without God, without a loving husband or supportive family or a network of great girlfriends. That kind of strength is amazing.

It all comes down to trust. Trust. So many of my posts delve into this subject. The importance of it yet the great lack of it in my life. That is, trust in God. Security in God. Not in people and things or even ourselves. But in God first and foremost. It is with having your trust in God that trust in people comes. The people, however, should never take the place that only God should have. That's the bottom line. I'm a definite work in progress. There is so much I can't understand and grasp hold of but that's really where faith comes in. Simply having faith because He is infinitely good.

God, take a hold of my mind, my heart, my everything. May Your desires be the desires within my heart. Grant me peace and resolution. May I pursue You passionately and give my whole life unto Your good, perfect and pleasing will. Renew my mind daily that I may know in my spirit what is truly good and follow it no matter what other people try to convince me of. Be my everything God. Be my Lord of All. (And Fab's too. Grant him the strength, wisdom and anointing he needs to live for You and serve You fully and be effective in ministry) Thank You.