There has been this incredibly deep, dark, consuming hole in my heart...a welling fear that has chased me and drowned me out for so many years of my life that though I have been so blessed, I am crippled by this at the end of the day...when all around me has stilled...is quiet...yes, when I am alone, often this voice speaks terror into my heart once again and I beg the Lord to take it, to let me give up on living...even today...yes, today, depite all I have experienced of God - His sovereignty, love, grace, you name it...I still forget His peace...I fail to just have the faith to overcome and I get so lost in my fear, I honestly do not know how to rise but then the sun comes up and I repress it all again...this year, this Amazing Life series...tomorrow, at the Amazing Freedom service, I want to believe God's promises...you know, He has already redeemed me from this haunting, paralysing fear...He has delivered me...yes, I know He has protected me all these years and tonight as I sat here crying out to God in desperation once again, I felt Him urge remind me of how He alone can heal me.
I know and have experienced so much of God that I truly cannot deny He is real and in my life and has the best for me and all whom I love and cherish...but so often I have let the world...the horrors within it blind me of God's blessed eternity...there is so much I could say of what the 'darkness' has poisoned and choked my mind with and yet so much more of how God has brought His truth like a light to cut through the deception...it is an ongoing battle but I want to triumpth...I want to claim God's full healing over my life for He never intended for me to be tormented in my mind like this...God has been reminding me of the verse in the bible that tells us He has overcome the world and so to take heart though outwardly we waste away as we face troubles in this world...I want to be as He has promised I would be for Him - a fearless fighter
Psalm 94: 18-19
When I said, "My foot is slipping," your love, O LORD, supported me. When anxiety was great within me, your consolation brought joy to my soul.
2 comments:
Josi,
Keep the faith yah. It is tough, tell me about it. But you can do it, not because you're able, but because God has given you the strength to carry on. Thanks for sharing sis.
That's right sis, claim that victory which belongs to you, cause the battle has been won by Jesus on the cross. :)
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