Your Word says in Isaiah 41, "I took you from the ends of the earth, from its farthest corners I called you. I said, 'You are my servant'; I have chosen you and have not rejected you. So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand" and in Psalm 91 You promise to save and deliver those who love you and call upon Your name.
Some months ago, someone I know had the special opportunity of meeting a lady who lived through the Holocaust. She was probably in her early teens at that time and lost her family to the Nazi soldiers who tortured her loved ones to death. She herself narrowly escaped yet she eventually lost faith in God after experiencing the terror and grief those tormenting times brought. She had cried out desperately to God for protection over her family and community. Every day and night she presented her tear stained prayers in hope of His deliverance but it did not come for others who were with her. Had she not loved God enough? Had she taken Him for granted until the point she needed Him? Were her prayers for her family and people not acceptable to God? Had they walked away from Him so long that they had reached the point of no return and were beyond His grace and salvation? These are questions I ponder over when I hear stories like that lady's. I wonder why God did not deliver her whole family. Why He did not deliver the people He called His own.
I know from reading His Word that His chosen ones had succumbed many times to idol worship and lived in great sin. They followed God for a season, only to be quickly dissatisfied. With their discontentment came grumbling and rebellion. As a result, they faced consequences for their choices, for their worldly, self centred priorities and shallow values. But God's heart was always for them. He never stopped desiring that they would return to Him, to their Father, whose plans were to prosper them and give them a purposeful future. In His love, grace and mercy, He took them back over and over again and restored them. He encouraged them and challenged them to change for the better, to grow and mature in their thinking, character, and in how they treated their relationship with Him and how they lived out their faith. This is the same thing God does with me. Have I been playing with the boundaries the way they often did? Do I take Him for granted and neglect my relationship with Him and only go to Him when I am in dire straits? Do I treat Him as a vending machine or Santa Claus and beret Him when things do not go as I please? Do I have a reverent fear of God or blame Him for the horrors of this society like rape, torture and the sex trade? Have I taken responsibility for my own sin? Do I let God be God over every area of my life?
When Job questioned God about his suffering, God gently asked Job if he was there when God created the universe. He asked if Job could fathom the mysteries of God, the depth of God's understanding and thinking. I cannot fathom why a loving God would not just jump in and intervene every time a little girl was about to get beaten or raped. In fact there are so many different things I cannot comprehend. But that's because I'm not God. Just as Job was not God. And my level of faith, obedience and righteousness does not rank anywhere close to that of Job's. He's in a completely different league in terms of His walk with God. When God says His ways and thoughts are higher and nothing like ours, He's not kidding. There are a great number of things that do not make an ounce of sense to me but I know God has been good and faithful to my family for generations. If our lives had always been wrought with disease and trauma and terrible things, perhaps I would think that there is some form of justification for me questioning God. But the fact is my life has been incredibly blessed. So why do I doubt? Why do I let circumstances that are beyond my ability to fully grasp (because I cannot see or know everything unlike God who is the Alpha and Omega) influence my faith in the God I have come to know and experience? Why am I waiting for the day He will turn to me and say, "It's your turn now to be raped and tortured for my name sake. Consider the persecution a joy as it will teach you perseverance and shape your character?" Do I honestly secretly think God is sadistic like that? What an audacious notion! And yet I entertain such irrational thinking and fears.
I need to go back to the truth and the truth is His Word and His Word never fails or fades. It is there for eternity. It reflects who He is and how He perceives me and my existence and destiny. It is filled with hope and love and encouragement. Every warning is said in love that we will not fall away and so land ourselves in utter destruction. Every story is there as a demonstration of the life He desires for us or as a lesson that we will not commit the same mistakes. Oh God, I want to believe Your Word with all my heart, mind and soul. I do not want to judge You by my limited understanding and by the pain I see in the world or even in the Bible. I want to see Your heart behind every principle and every record of history. I want to seek Your face and fall more in love with You every single day of my life. I don't want to fear that You will allow me to be hurt and so build a wall so You cannot come near to me. I want to draw close and rest in You. I want to bring Your rest to those who are hurting. Father, I pray that You will enable me to bring Your strength and peace to them.
Some months ago, someone I know had the special opportunity of meeting a lady who lived through the Holocaust. She was probably in her early teens at that time and lost her family to the Nazi soldiers who tortured her loved ones to death. She herself narrowly escaped yet she eventually lost faith in God after experiencing the terror and grief those tormenting times brought. She had cried out desperately to God for protection over her family and community. Every day and night she presented her tear stained prayers in hope of His deliverance but it did not come for others who were with her. Had she not loved God enough? Had she taken Him for granted until the point she needed Him? Were her prayers for her family and people not acceptable to God? Had they walked away from Him so long that they had reached the point of no return and were beyond His grace and salvation? These are questions I ponder over when I hear stories like that lady's. I wonder why God did not deliver her whole family. Why He did not deliver the people He called His own.
I know from reading His Word that His chosen ones had succumbed many times to idol worship and lived in great sin. They followed God for a season, only to be quickly dissatisfied. With their discontentment came grumbling and rebellion. As a result, they faced consequences for their choices, for their worldly, self centred priorities and shallow values. But God's heart was always for them. He never stopped desiring that they would return to Him, to their Father, whose plans were to prosper them and give them a purposeful future. In His love, grace and mercy, He took them back over and over again and restored them. He encouraged them and challenged them to change for the better, to grow and mature in their thinking, character, and in how they treated their relationship with Him and how they lived out their faith. This is the same thing God does with me. Have I been playing with the boundaries the way they often did? Do I take Him for granted and neglect my relationship with Him and only go to Him when I am in dire straits? Do I treat Him as a vending machine or Santa Claus and beret Him when things do not go as I please? Do I have a reverent fear of God or blame Him for the horrors of this society like rape, torture and the sex trade? Have I taken responsibility for my own sin? Do I let God be God over every area of my life?
When Job questioned God about his suffering, God gently asked Job if he was there when God created the universe. He asked if Job could fathom the mysteries of God, the depth of God's understanding and thinking. I cannot fathom why a loving God would not just jump in and intervene every time a little girl was about to get beaten or raped. In fact there are so many different things I cannot comprehend. But that's because I'm not God. Just as Job was not God. And my level of faith, obedience and righteousness does not rank anywhere close to that of Job's. He's in a completely different league in terms of His walk with God. When God says His ways and thoughts are higher and nothing like ours, He's not kidding. There are a great number of things that do not make an ounce of sense to me but I know God has been good and faithful to my family for generations. If our lives had always been wrought with disease and trauma and terrible things, perhaps I would think that there is some form of justification for me questioning God. But the fact is my life has been incredibly blessed. So why do I doubt? Why do I let circumstances that are beyond my ability to fully grasp (because I cannot see or know everything unlike God who is the Alpha and Omega) influence my faith in the God I have come to know and experience? Why am I waiting for the day He will turn to me and say, "It's your turn now to be raped and tortured for my name sake. Consider the persecution a joy as it will teach you perseverance and shape your character?" Do I honestly secretly think God is sadistic like that? What an audacious notion! And yet I entertain such irrational thinking and fears.
I need to go back to the truth and the truth is His Word and His Word never fails or fades. It is there for eternity. It reflects who He is and how He perceives me and my existence and destiny. It is filled with hope and love and encouragement. Every warning is said in love that we will not fall away and so land ourselves in utter destruction. Every story is there as a demonstration of the life He desires for us or as a lesson that we will not commit the same mistakes. Oh God, I want to believe Your Word with all my heart, mind and soul. I do not want to judge You by my limited understanding and by the pain I see in the world or even in the Bible. I want to see Your heart behind every principle and every record of history. I want to seek Your face and fall more in love with You every single day of my life. I don't want to fear that You will allow me to be hurt and so build a wall so You cannot come near to me. I want to draw close and rest in You. I want to bring Your rest to those who are hurting. Father, I pray that You will enable me to bring Your strength and peace to them.
2 comments:
Hey you! Been thinking about you lately and wondering how you are. Love you.
Good post - thanks!
"The Lord is near to all who call upon Him, To all who call upon Him in truth. He will fulfill the desire of those who fear Him; He also will hear their cry and save them. The Lord preserves all who love Him, But all the wicked He will destroy." Psa. 145:18-20
It is a paradox, isn't it? I often wonder about the same things, and what the purpose in that kind of senseless suffering might be. You've really articulated the faith struggle well here.
I want to add an "amen" to that prayer - may God increase all of our faith walks, and draw us fearlessly closer to Him!
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