Lord, I'm still struggling. Struggling to accept Your timing on things. Well, mainly one big thing. The very massively huge thing about rape and abuse and the suffering of children (this covers sickness like cancer, disabilities, heart disease). Yes, I wrap that into one mega ginormous category called "injustice".
There are heaps of other very crucial areas to be addressed but these are the top of the list on my heart and mind, and have been a deep burden since I was little. How little exactly I do not recall but one day the thoughts started flooding my mind and wouldn't go away. And then they got worse. I know much has been and is being done but it all just seems to pale in comparison with the amount and intensity of pain that has struck our world.
I am waiting for the day You turn this burden into vision and I am released into a work that directly or even indirectly addresses this disgusting reality. But why does Your perfect plan span over such a looooooong period of time? Apart from being patient with those You desire will repent and turn back to You, what about those who are suffering under the oppression, the suffocating fear that threatens to bring insanity, the excruciating physical pain? Though they do not know You and have not lived according to Your ways, I very sincerely wish there could be a lot more intervention.
Hearing or reading about what some of those perverse men do to the women and the children makes me downright ill. There's a moment where my head starts spinning and my heart aches and I cannot decide which I need to do more - cry, throw up or scream. I've discovered that shutting myself in the bedroom wardrobe and sitting beneath my hanging clothes while holding my knees to my face, rocking gently and calling on God's Name repeatedly has a slight calming effect after a good ten to fifteen minutes. God, I hope You are hearing me on this. The facts are incredibly overwhelming.
Last night after the sermon, Chung prayed for me. The word she received was that God is going to unravel a surprise. As I spend time enjoying His presence and seek Him on what I am to do during this break and after, He will lead me to something new. Something I have never done before and have yet to gain experience in. That is a relief considering I was stuck in my previous job. There is a little apprehension on my part but mostly curiosity at the moment. Lord, may I be patient. Patience has never been one of my virtues. Never. Ask my husband. God did promise it will bring joy to me. Bring on the joy, I say! I am needin' me some of that! Thank You for speaking to me God. For assuring me You're still in control of everything and it's going to be "OKAY".
There are heaps of other very crucial areas to be addressed but these are the top of the list on my heart and mind, and have been a deep burden since I was little. How little exactly I do not recall but one day the thoughts started flooding my mind and wouldn't go away. And then they got worse. I know much has been and is being done but it all just seems to pale in comparison with the amount and intensity of pain that has struck our world.
I am waiting for the day You turn this burden into vision and I am released into a work that directly or even indirectly addresses this disgusting reality. But why does Your perfect plan span over such a looooooong period of time? Apart from being patient with those You desire will repent and turn back to You, what about those who are suffering under the oppression, the suffocating fear that threatens to bring insanity, the excruciating physical pain? Though they do not know You and have not lived according to Your ways, I very sincerely wish there could be a lot more intervention.
Hearing or reading about what some of those perverse men do to the women and the children makes me downright ill. There's a moment where my head starts spinning and my heart aches and I cannot decide which I need to do more - cry, throw up or scream. I've discovered that shutting myself in the bedroom wardrobe and sitting beneath my hanging clothes while holding my knees to my face, rocking gently and calling on God's Name repeatedly has a slight calming effect after a good ten to fifteen minutes. God, I hope You are hearing me on this. The facts are incredibly overwhelming.
Last night after the sermon, Chung prayed for me. The word she received was that God is going to unravel a surprise. As I spend time enjoying His presence and seek Him on what I am to do during this break and after, He will lead me to something new. Something I have never done before and have yet to gain experience in. That is a relief considering I was stuck in my previous job. There is a little apprehension on my part but mostly curiosity at the moment. Lord, may I be patient. Patience has never been one of my virtues. Never. Ask my husband. God did promise it will bring joy to me. Bring on the joy, I say! I am needin' me some of that! Thank You for speaking to me God. For assuring me You're still in control of everything and it's going to be "OKAY".
1 comment:
Dear Holy Spirit,
I pray for Jos, that you would give her an open heaven experience. Holy spirit may she see the Father's heart and blueprint to see how stop the enemy from marring and perverting your image by hurting that which you love most. Especially those who have no voice. Raise up a generation Lord that will champion the cause of the weak. We cry out for Justice Lord.
Father I pray you will give Jos hope and be with her in this journey of birthing burden to vision. I pray for blessing, blessing, blessing. I pray for love, love, love to be poured all over her. May she be completely drenched in your love which drives out fear. Fear of the of the depravity of man and the enemy.
Father come in like a flood, let your rivers of living water wash away the sewerage of our sin, our depravity. May you win through Jos Lord. Give her faith, hope and the boldness like a lion. Give her your peace Lord. I speak for SHalom to her mind and spirit.
I speak to her sprit that it will rise up with the boldness of a lion. Pa Pa I pray you give her the vision of your open heaven. That you would have mercy with us and work through us to bring an invasion of heaven to earth.
I pray you will bring heaven to earth. Where you will wipe every tear and heal every pain. Where you will give the oil of joy instead of mourning.
Thank you Lord for Jos and guard and watch over her Lord.
Belle
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