This is so true for me. I do withhold my all from God because I constantly feel so wounded by what I know is happening around the world that God has the power to stop before it happens yet chooses not to for some reason. And I withhold because I demand answers. Why can't I just say that wrestling with Him in my childish way cannot compare with being in His presence to know His heart? Why do I feel guilty for upholding these people and their situations to the Lord in a way that I am not constantly thinking about them and being overwhelmed but giving them to Him and moving on to having joy in Him? Why do I feel that if I move on to enjoy life that I am doing them an injustice because "how dare I have such a good life while they are suffering at the hands of merciless oppressors who have no right or reason to be hurting others the way they do?" Wouldn't I be a more effective intercessor though if I could lift my head to the One who is able, and instead of yelling at Him for not having intervened thousands of years ago and before every rape and torture, trust Him and magnify Him and praise Him for who He is? Wouldn't I be able to stand in the gap for them better if I wasn't broken by the situation and kept praying out of hopelessness instead of faith and courage? If I could allow God to show me their ordeals from His perspective instead of questioning His motives and intentions and plans and purposes and character? Father, forgive me for my unbelief and for my accusations and for not seeing things from Your eternal perspective. Lord, I cannot see what You see on my own strength. Show me in Your own way and in Your own time and I pray that I will be patient and humble and trusting.
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