A Song Forgotten

How this song, You Breathe by Nouveaux, brings back memories. Memories of college days and a friendship that has now faded with distance and change.

We learnt about soul ties at Church on Sunday. Some soul ties are healthy and others keep you from moving on in some way. A more obvious example of the latter is where there has been sexual impurity. Healthy soul ties can also change over time without us noticing, like that of the tie between a mother and her child. We need to hand all unhealthy soul ties to God. It is an exchange. In prayer we actually say, "Father God, I give You the unhealthy soul tie I have with (name). I take back any part of me that has been left with them and I hand back any part of them I have taken".

I walked away from that session having to confront the fact that I still have a strong emotional attachment with my college friend. Ties that cause me to look back and sometimes wish I could stay in those times. Realising this connection triggered an alarm bell, letting me know that though I need not let go of the actual friendship, I need to let go of any ties that prevent me from living in the present and for the future.

The dynamics of our friendship changed as we grew up, headed down two different paths and lived in separate countries. Natural events. We have blessed lives, wonderful families, fab-ulous spouses (heh, a little play on my husband's name) and great friends. Yet a piece of my heart sits in the past. This little piece reminds me now and then of the conversations we had, the shared appreciation for things around us, the mutual affirmation. No one else at that point saw life quite the same way. I had other terrific friends then, friends I am still in touch with but somehow the attachment I formed with this friendship was different. And they weren't romantic feelings.

Fab and I ought to have a healthy soul tie . However it is possible for unhealthy soul ties to develop if we are (more so if I am) not careful. I have a tendency to depend on people rather than God. To make my world revolve around a certain person close to me. A misplaced security. This leads to me having unreasonable expectations of that person. Expectations the person is not able and not meant to fulfil. I should be looking to God to meet all my needs first and foremost not poor Fab. People (particularly Fab) cannot be God to me as much as I cannot be God to anyone else.

So now I have two areas to release to God. The friendship I miss and my over-dependence on Fab. We prayed about this as we sat at home reflecting on the service. He too had a soul tie with a past friendship to address. I don't think anything has changed in me as yet so I'll probably have to keep praying and directing my security to God.

Back to the song. Though it is a reminder of the friendship, what struck me this time were the lyrics. It's not to say I had never noticed the lyrics before but somehow the meaning must have been lost on me then, and I eventually forgot them (and the song). I don't think I've heard the song in almost ten years but it played on the radio when I was at a friend's house on Sunday morning.

Sure, I immediately thought of my friend but more than that I caught onto the words. The words echo God's continuing message to me during this season of my life. He wants me to find that place where it's just Him and I. The place where I am finally resting in His presence and not running about trying to get my floors clean. Or distracting myself with the computer. Or just thinking a gazillion thoughts every second. Thoughts that completely weigh me down and drain my faith. The luscious greens of Psalm 23 await me. How do I get there? God wants me to be there.

A quiet place far away in the center of my heart

Sheltered by the solitude like my Daddy's arms

Seeking and knowing I will find

Resting these weary eyes

Leaving my deepest fears behind

Under an endless sky

I lift my heart up high and

Father You breathe and I hear You whispering

And Your mercy covers me

Father You breathe and Your presence fills the air

And I find my solace there

Here is where peace abides with all that I desire

You lay me down in luscious green to rest when I am tired

Savior You meet where I am

Here on this earthen floor

Dying You gave me life again

Emptied of all but love

And that would've been enough but

Father You breathe and I hear You whispering

And Your mercy covers me

Father You breathe and Your presence fills the air

And I find my solace there

Father You breathe and I hear You whispering

And Your mercy covers me

Father You breathe and Your presence fills the air

And I find my solace there

Yes I find my solace there