Let yourself be crap

Took this off the Notebook Magazine website:

Things I'm bad at:

Singing. Check.

Lateral thinking. Check

Anything that involves wires, cords, remotes or assembling Ikea flatpacks. Check.

Moderation. Check.

Diets. See moderation.

Swimming. Self awareness. Surfing. Staying calm in a crisis (especially if there’s blood). Basketball. Public speaking. Running. I could go on. But, to be honest, most of this stuff I don’t care too much about. Except two things: public speaking and running. With public speaking, I’m not alone. In fact, I read somewhere that most people would rather stare down a shark than speak in public. But I think that being a shocking public speaker is so bound up in fear you never really know if you’re bad at it or just so terrified you can’t actually get your mouth to work. As my job involves speaking to a lot of people – sometimes a lot of people at the same time – a couple of years ago I decided to do a course at NIDA. Presenting with Confidence: a one-day course that helps you overcome the stress, nerves and anxiety associated with public speaking. Just knowing that other people felt the same way was a massive help, as was the course; though Barack Obama I’m not and never will be.

I was thinking about this in light of Nicky Pellegrino’s cover story (Feel free to fail) and how we tend to cut ourselves off from so many of life’s experiences because we’re afraid we won’t be good at them. Let yourself be crap, she says.

Caroline Roessler

Editor, Notebook:

Feel free to fail

Horse-riding, baking, windsurfing and singing - Nicky Pellegrino has tried them all... and failed miserably. So why does she keep picking herself up and finding joy in persistent unsuccess?

(End of copied text)

From the official 'Julie & Julia' movie website

(My words)

If I had to write a list of things I'm bad at, it would be as long as the Great Wall of China, which poses a problem as I have perfectionist tendencies. This means I will not attempt something unless I am convinced I will be perfect at it. This in turn translates to me attempting hardly anything at all because I sorely lack the confidence in just about everything.

There are times I have stepped out and taken the plunge, so to speak, but mostly because of peer pressure, or perhaps the pride that does not want to let others know I'm chicken. Therein lies a fine line though. There is the fear of not wanting to look like an idiot but also the fear of not wanting to be the cowardly wet blanket.

However, upon closer reflection, it would appear that my friends do not recall the times I presented as a fool, though I was quietly berating myself while trying to cover the redness that was quickly gushing up my face and ears from somewhere in my collar. If they do, they have certainly not mentioned it. Perhaps no one even bothered to take notice, given there were more interesting characters in the group to focus on. Ah, the advantage of keeping a lower profile.

I need to be braver and allow myself to just fail and find joy somewhere in the journey to trying and learning.