trust

At the start of this year, one of the things God spoke to me about through someone who prayed for me was that He will allow me to go through situations that will test my faith...situations that will show me how much I will choose to trust that God loves me unconditionally and without measure and knows and wants what is best for me and is willing to bring it about. Though these situations will not burn me, there may be times I may feel hurt yet God is there to protect, comfort and lead if I will lean on Him.

Verses for today:

"May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit" and "The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not be in want. He makes me lie down in green pastures and leads me beside quiet waters...Though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I shall fear no evil..."

Lately I have really lost motivation and drive towards my work and there have been a couple of times I have envied that my colleague is such a favourite and has now moved on to a higher level position within the faculty. How I have been longing to move on and yet the door has not been opened (I have not found any suitable position to move into and as she has only just left, I need to be there until the new girl starts and be there to train her). Don't get me wrong, this is a God-given job and maybe one day I will share why. I just want the freedom of moving around and not being cooped in the reception office. I want to try something different as I have been in this routine job for 2 years. It's a meaningful job if you look at the opportunity it gives me to meet students and help them and that. But...my heart is restless

This is not something I have really shared much with anyone but God certainly knows my heart as I have been saying to Him that I want to get out...that I know my attitude is not right...and well, there is the issue of me not living as a Christian in front of my colleagues as I have, in my great want to be accepted and part of the group, joined in when they have spoken about others. I have not shared my faith openly or encouraged anyone to want to know Christ for themselves. I have kept to myself in this regard and not been a witness; salt and light. So I don't want to leave this place until I have made a positive impact that would actually please God as I am now trying to please people, which will get me no where.

Then today, after the Sunday service, as I was walking towards my unit leader to ask him to pray for me in my job situation, I got sidetracked when someone came up to me and started talking about other things. Lo and behold, someone from church then approached me, smiled and asked, "Are you alright? God gave me a dream about you that I initially forgot of until I saw you this morning...In the dream I bumped into you at the elevator and you said you had changed or were wanting to change your job and you were upset over something..." She mentioned a few other things and basically approached me to confirm if this was true. She said, "Wow! God really loves you and knows your heart...He cares about you so much to give me this vision so I will pray for you..." Amazing, isn't it? I barely know this person! She's a really lovely girl though from what I have gathered from my encounters with her and just general observation...gentle, giving, patient...and she's actually bothering to honour God's prompting to pray with me over this!

She did mention that perhaps God may want me to stay in this position for a while...I have considered this...and I am so blessed as I have the most wonderful supervisor who is so good to me! We have become friends somewhat and well she is now trying to apply for my position to be re classified as people in my position at other faculties are all at a higher pay level. Our faculty is the only one that has kept the front office position at a HEW (pay level) 3 - entry level whereas all others are a 4 though we do the same thing (she reckons I do more from her experience of managing in other departments). To be honest, if you compare this to a job in Singapore where one's job is one's life, my workload is laughable like peanuts. Anyway, as my job description has changed over the time I have been there, where more responsibility and tasks have been added, she believes that she can prove, by comparison with what my predecesors had to do and what those in my position in other departments do, that there has been a change significant enough to move me up a level. It's a blessing just knowing someone would do this for me - it's not important if I get this or not for God will provide for my needs. I think that if I am meant to stay, it is for a greater purpose. If my pay changes while I'm at it, that's a super bonus!