How do you move on?

Through Ashley Weis' blog, I discovered Mary Demuth, a Christian author who now commits her life to helping others turn their trials into triumphs for the Lord. When I read on Ashley's blog that Mary was raped repeatedly from the age of 5 by neighbourhood boys who threatened to kill her if she ever told anyone, my heart was totally wrenched and I wanted so much to just make things like this stop. I battled with God yet again over such pain and decided to ask Mary a few questions from the bottom of my heart. I am so grateful for her boldness in sharing openly as I imagine it would take so much out of a person to be able to speak of such trauma since it would mean revisiting the terrible past.

Jocelyn writes: "It's just beyond me how God has restored you and the life you live for Him. this is one of my greatest areas of weakness...I've always battled so much with God over children and women getting hurt...I've hated men for a good part of my life though God has been so gracious to not let me encounter such pain myself.

Mary, how did you move on? How did you keep going before You knew Him and how did you get healed to the point of being able to "spit at the devil"? Reading stories like yours make me cry, make me shudder with fear and disgust towards the people who do such things. I know God sees my sin the same way...yet I still struggle. I felt ill when I found out about your past (the same way I get sick in my guts when I hear similar stories) but I am so very glad you have been redeemed.

How can I make a difference to women who have been through something so traumatic and horrible without wanting to castrate every man I don't trust? How can I be an encouragement when my life has been so blessed that I sometimes feel so hypocritical and inadequate and wonder if I have to experience the same in order to be effective in ministry?"

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All I can say is one word: Jesus. He utterly rescued and healed me. As a victim of sexual abuse at five years old by older neighborhood boys, I'd carried that secret with me many years. It wasn't until I met Jesus that I became brave enough to let the secret out. And that's when the healing began. It continues today.

I can feel used very easily, and I have a deep insecurity about myself that has gotten better with age, but has been a very slow process. Sometimes it's hard for me to know, really know, that Jesus loves me.

The years of healing took a lot of vulnerability (probably too much at times). In college, I basically wept my way through, as many of the issues of childhood came to the forefront there. I had a great group of friends who laid hands on me in prayer and believed God was big enough to heal the wounded parts. He did a lot of healing during that time of my life.

I won't sugar coat the healing process, though. It's one of the most excruciating things a person can go through. I liken it to stepping into a dark tunnel. So few actually pursue their healing this way. (Remember that Jesus asked the paralytic, "Do you want to get well?" He made excuses and never answered Jesus. To pursue healing, it's an active choice. You have to WANT to). When you step into that dark tunnel, two things happen:

The movie of your life plays out before you in the darkness. Jesus holds your hand as you watch the movie together. But know that healing isn't a one-time event. Even today, a memory returned where I had to re-process some grief, give it back to Jesus, and ask Him to help me walk through it. The cliche is true: Healing is like peeling an onion. The more layers you dig into, the more tears that come.

As to how you can help others who have been wounded, strive to listen. Ask great questions. Offer to pray. Earnestly seek healing with your friend and walk alongside her even when things seem overwhelmingly dark. There is a Redeemer, and He is in the business of healing and redemption. Trust that. Remind your friend. Believe. She will have greater impact on the Kingdom of God if she's brave enough to pursue the Healing Savior.

And, if you see abuse happening, do something about it. Don't reason it away. Make hard choices if you're concerned about a child.

I hope that answers your question, Jocelyn. Thanks for your comment, and may the Lord use you to heal many who suffer.

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MY HEARTFELT THANKS TO MARY