That's the devil's grand scheme and it's been working like a charm since Eve took a bite into the fruit forbidden by God. I could be biased but I still think women and children have it the worst across the globe. From childbirth pains to the oppression of a male dominated society to pornography, rape and the sex trade. God, please make it end. People are becoming more ruthless and more business minded in their dealings with the lives of others. Women and children are seen as objects, tools, a means to great profit. I've heard people say that some women deserve to be raped. That they were "asking for it" because of the way they dressed and carried themselves or simply because they chose to walk into a bad area. No one deserves that. No one. She may have made unwise choices but no one deserves such cruelty. Have those men no sense of self control? No shred of humanity? Something must be done. And we're God's ambassadors, His soldiers, the very people He will move through, accomplish His work of restoration through. I want to be ready. Are you?
I've been praying and interceding since I was old enough for any of these issues to come to my awareness and for any of it to make sense. I've become increasingly fearful though with every life story I hear (another rape, another child abuse, another case of human trafficking). But I don't want to be afraid. I want to make a difference. I want my prayers and my words and my actions to count. But how? I think about these things throughout my day. They weigh me down and I am ineffective. I am low on faith, low on morale. Lately I've been saying weird things to Fab like "I don't want to be here anymore. My life seems so meaningless, so dispensable", "What if I choose not to have children? Am I disobeying God because we're meant to multiply? But there are already so many children out there who need caring for, so many to rescue, to show love to, to be shown that they are precious and have a great purpose...so why is God wanting more children when we're not even doing a proper job with the ones we have?", "A lot of what goes on in this world is just horrible, has God heard any of my prayers? Have I been praying wrongly? I don't want to raise my own children here...what if God decides to allow one of us (one of our children) to go through something terrible as a trial to help us (them) grow spiritually?" Thinking back now I can probably talk back to myself and address these questions in light of God's word about trusting in Him and not in my own understanding. But there are times I just lose the plot.
God, may I never lose sight of You. I don't want to lose my grip on Your word. I want it to sink so deep into my being that I become more and more like You. More and more in tune with You. You called Moses Your friend. You confided in him and trusted that He would follow Your every word because He had come to know you so well. I want that kind of a relationship with You. But right now I am so far away and I am struggling so much to be convicted of the truth that is in Your word. Help me believe, help me trust. Help me reach out with boldness. Please forgive me for doubting, for questioning, for hating, for comparing myself to others.
A few weeks ago, Belle showed us (at life group) a video on 'Mama Heidi' (Heidi Baker), a woman who uprooted her whole life to reach out to the orphans in Africa. She has been through so much yet has found God's strength to keep going. At one point, when she felt particularly overwhelmed by all the shooting, by all the looting, and the opposition she and her family faced in trying to improve the health care for the people, she broke down before God. She felt saturated in God's love at that point and heard Him say, "I died that there would always be enough" and from that point, she kept receiving more orphans into her home, into the care of her ministry. God, I know in my head You are more than enough and there's more than enough for all the hurting. But help me grasp this in my heart and not feel so broken. I am inadequate but You are enough.
I've been praying and interceding since I was old enough for any of these issues to come to my awareness and for any of it to make sense. I've become increasingly fearful though with every life story I hear (another rape, another child abuse, another case of human trafficking). But I don't want to be afraid. I want to make a difference. I want my prayers and my words and my actions to count. But how? I think about these things throughout my day. They weigh me down and I am ineffective. I am low on faith, low on morale. Lately I've been saying weird things to Fab like "I don't want to be here anymore. My life seems so meaningless, so dispensable", "What if I choose not to have children? Am I disobeying God because we're meant to multiply? But there are already so many children out there who need caring for, so many to rescue, to show love to, to be shown that they are precious and have a great purpose...so why is God wanting more children when we're not even doing a proper job with the ones we have?", "A lot of what goes on in this world is just horrible, has God heard any of my prayers? Have I been praying wrongly? I don't want to raise my own children here...what if God decides to allow one of us (one of our children) to go through something terrible as a trial to help us (them) grow spiritually?" Thinking back now I can probably talk back to myself and address these questions in light of God's word about trusting in Him and not in my own understanding. But there are times I just lose the plot.
God, may I never lose sight of You. I don't want to lose my grip on Your word. I want it to sink so deep into my being that I become more and more like You. More and more in tune with You. You called Moses Your friend. You confided in him and trusted that He would follow Your every word because He had come to know you so well. I want that kind of a relationship with You. But right now I am so far away and I am struggling so much to be convicted of the truth that is in Your word. Help me believe, help me trust. Help me reach out with boldness. Please forgive me for doubting, for questioning, for hating, for comparing myself to others.
A few weeks ago, Belle showed us (at life group) a video on 'Mama Heidi' (Heidi Baker), a woman who uprooted her whole life to reach out to the orphans in Africa. She has been through so much yet has found God's strength to keep going. At one point, when she felt particularly overwhelmed by all the shooting, by all the looting, and the opposition she and her family faced in trying to improve the health care for the people, she broke down before God. She felt saturated in God's love at that point and heard Him say, "I died that there would always be enough" and from that point, she kept receiving more orphans into her home, into the care of her ministry. God, I know in my head You are more than enough and there's more than enough for all the hurting. But help me grasp this in my heart and not feel so broken. I am inadequate but You are enough.
1 comment:
I've never heard of Heidi Baker, but what an inspiring story. I love how your heart comes through in this post (I read Ashley's last week) - it's staggering how much pain, shame and injustice there is in the world.
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