Got a text

This all happened in my dream but it stood out. I woke up remembering the words and I'm thinking this is a God thing. The context of the dream itself was pretty random but somewhere in the midst of all the vagueness and bumping into two friends who studied in Brisbane with me, both of whom are back in Singapore working, I got a text. I had walked away after wishing them a 'Happy Birthday' and mind you their birthdays are not on the same day so that was all a bit weird. Then one of them sent me a text message that read "I prayed for you. These are the words that were impressed upon my heart from that - it's time to move on. I kept seeing the words "move on" in my mind. You're on a mission. It's time to move on".

As some of you know, I've been feeling stuck in a rut and I resigned in January from my repetitive job of 5 years. It got to me and I decided I had been there long enough. So I said goodbye and left without securing a job to progress onto. All I knew was I did not want to go back to the same kind of work. And I still don't. The question is, "What now? What can I do? I studied Human Resource Management but that's not an area of interest to me. What do I really want to do? What else am I qualified for? What are my current passions? What is one thing that will bring joy into my life?"

Joy has been seriously lacking over the years. I've been dragging myself to work, to Church, to Church related events. I love many of the people I was working with and I enjoy being with my friends at Church but the tasks surrounding each activity just drained me. Now I am on an indefinite break but little in me is resting. There is anxiety, doubt, frustration, resentment and a whole host of other emotions. There are negative thoughts and ones that try to cover up the former. I find myself withdrawing more.

The text message echoes visions and words my mum, my sister, Belle, Lance and Chung have received at separate times while praying for me. Just so you know, there wasn't a discussion about me amongst them leading to a concensus of the type of encouragement they would give.  Each word and vision was different yet the underlying meaning was similar or complemented the other.

God has been promising me much but my lack of faith is making me impatient. "When is the surprise coming? When am I going to start this new thing I have not had any experience in, this thing (I assume He meant job) that is supposed to bring me great joy and peace? When will I begin to identify the blessings God has placed before me? When will I realise how to appropriate them and not just push them around with my finger or pick each up at some point for a closer examination?"

My mum had a vision of me sitting at my desk with pink pearls scattered on the surface before me. She wondered why I did not string them together to create a necklace for myself. A necklace that would sit upon my neck, an equal distance from my head and my heart. I am guessing this positioning signifies a form of balance.

Wearing the pink pearls God has bestowed will mean taking up the wonderful things He has provided, be it talents, giftings or opportunities, to do something great. What "great something" that is, I do not yet know. However it will also involve recognising the people He has placed in my life for a specific reason. People whom I can perhaps learn from during this season of my life or even partner with to start a new venture. I am not certain what His intentions are for these various relationships but that's all part and parcel of this time of seeking Him more.

Mum assured there will be breakthrough. Her second vision was of a river that got blocked by otters who came along and built a dam with logs, twigs and stones.  It took time but the water slowly washed away the debris and eventually eroded the foundations of the dam, breaking through it to flow freely again. She sensed that as I find myself in God, there will be a breaking through of the things that are currently holding me back from getting on track to fulfilling my true potential, whatever that may be.

Anyhow, as I sit here figuring out how each piece of the puzzle fits and attempting to look at the picture more objectively, I am reminded of this song by Israel Houghton about God's grace carrying us in every season.  A grace that redeems, that restores visions and dreams. A grace that releases us to worship and releases miracles in and through our lives.