I feel a need to start all over again

People often ask, "Where has the time gone?" yet many know they have led fruitful lives and are fulfilled. They have stopped to enjoy the moments. To sit back, breathe and appreciate all that is around them and all they have.

They have aligned their vision with God's and orchestrated their goals and plans to His heartbeat. They recognise the injustices of the world and their hearts burn with righteous anger and a humble desire to bring God's truth to deliver and restore. But all the while they know His peace as every fibre within intertwines with the Spirit of God.

They guard their intimacy with God fiercely, contending against the distractions and discouragement of the world for a deeper understanding of who their Maker is. Though they lack complete comprehension and cannot answer every angst-filled question of the world, they trust. They know His goodness knows no bounds and He is able and has secured victory over their destinies.

They give, they fight, they serve tirelessly yet never strive. They draw strength from the Lord and overflow with joy and hope that infuses everything they put their hands to. No commitment or sacrifice is too big and no task too small. They are contentedly faithful behind closed doors and passionately driven in the open. They carry no masks, clinging only to His teachings and promises.

They desire to see the world taste the love and grace of their Saviour. For they know one encounter will transform a life. Their eyes have been opened to the treasures He holds out to His children.

They have experienced His glory and the safety of His warm presence. They are grateful for His redemption and they live simply to adore Him. They know He delights in their company and bursts to share His secrets as they give Him their undivided attention. They are dedicated to honouring Him.

They are fearless and have a mission written on their hearts. They see the needs before them and move forward in faith to care, to be a voice, to protect, to stand in the gap. They are convinced that no one and nothing compares with God and His empowering will.

They are altogether beautiful. And often young. They exude an exotic fragrance as an offering poured out. Their character is strong, mature. They do not judge or criticise but set an example in love, word and deed.

I feel a need to start all over again. For I have let the cares of this world crush me. I have forgotten the wonder and mystery I once beheld of my King, Father and Friend. Even in beautiful places my mind tells me to glance over my shoulder and keep an eye out for the wicked waiting in ambush for my soul. I have forgotten how to enjoy life the way God made it to be. The abundance that surrounds.

I have lost hope, joy and peace along my journey. Lost vision, passion and drive. I carry a suspicion in my heart. There are times I cannot trust and love fully. For I am afraid. I have missed much with this tunnel perspective.

I want to go back to capture all that I let pass me by. People I should have noticed and reached out to. Conversations I should have listened more closely to or questions I should have asked to know my family and friends better. Sights, sounds and smells I could have soaked in more.

How much have I taken for granted or allowed to slip through my fingers? How much have I ignored or condemned because I failed to realise the magic hidden beneath? How many people have I hurt and somehow thought I had the right to leave a scar on? How many have I scarred because of ignorance?

I want to make up for lost time. For the pain. Have I even thrown these three months away Lord? I keep living by feelings. By fear, hopelessness and complacency. I need to change. To grow up. Step out. Live.

There is no room for regret for the twenty years past. I can only start with today. With this present moment. I have plenty of catching up to do.

Today's Bible gateway verse - Phil 4: 6-7 "Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus"