The passage by Oswald Chambers I posted just before this has provided me with some keen insight on my current struggles. All this while, I have been battling with God over things which I lack understanding in. Things that really shake my faith by causing me to doubt God's real intentions or His ways of doing things. I know God is never the enemy but as my fight has to do with what I see God has allowed and even enabled, in some sense, I've been picking on Him for answers, for change. I'm just not getting the big picture. And hearing that His ways and thoughts are higher and He's got it all in control, and who am I to question, and that I ought to just trust and obey and believe in the unseen (His character, which I have come to know through personal experiences, and His Word, which I really need more wisdom for as I find some parts rather contradictory to what I see - but that's just due to my limited knowledge and comprehension) is not helping me to feel at peace. In fact, it seems to create more turmoil in my heart and mind.
Now, it appears I should turn my attention to battling with the things I am using as ammunition against God, instead of fighting with God over these things. That does seem to make more sense. So how does one do that exactly? My guess is through relentless prayer and seeking of His face not His hand. I do not need answers. What I need is a fresh revelation of His grace (what He has already done for me on the cross) everyday. Ok God, open my eyes and heart and mind and spirit to You. Draw my focus away from the world and the issues within it, and just help me get it. You know, the thing I need to get so I don't keep mulling over things I cannot control or fix (which, incidentally, make me feel incredibly vulnerable to the point I go crazy in my head sometimes and just want to become a mushroom and hide away somewhere for eternity)
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