We worshipped to "Because He lives" on Sunday, which got thinking about my mum and the heritage I have from being born into a Christian family, or more specifically,my Christian family. The song, familiar from my childhood, made me teary as I reflected on how blessed I am to have the family and friends I do, and the experiences along the way. As I stood at the back of the hall and closed my eyes, I faintly heard my mum's voice accompanying the lyrics, and pictured times we gathered with relatives to thank God and pray for various family members. It was in that moment I recalled God's tremendous faithfulness and goodness towards us.
Bill Johnson once said we reap the benefits of the labour of those before us. This is certainly true for me. I may not know the exact history of my ancestors but I know I come from a line of wholehearted believers. As a result of their spiritual devotion, I was given a foundation in the faith. I confess to not appreciating what I initially thought was an imposed religion of rigid regulations, but time has proven the input I've received has provided a surer footing than anyone or anything I could ever rely on.
I admit to struggling with surrendering all to God though, bearing many hard questions I strongly wish He would answer plainly. Yet, despite seasons of doubt, frustration and wanting to escape, I cannot falter the love showered upon me. It baffles and scares me that He chose to place me in a loving family, surround me with sweet friends and include an incredible husband in the whole package. I am fully aware I could have found myself in a nation where girls are treated like dirt. My inability to grasp God's decision-making process makes me cling to what I have and harbour irrational thoughts of Him letting me go through something terrible to compensate for what others have endured. It's like something at the back of my head timidly waits for the day of disaster to then scream, "I knew it! Life was too good to be true!"
BUT. This is not the perspective I want to carry forward nor the legacy I want to leave for my children and their children. This lie does not represent the building blocks handed down. People are grabbing life by the horns and living their dreams. They are overcoming the obstacles and not apologising for making the most of every situation and pursuing joy. So why should I? Why should I feel guilty for my lot? It would be a far greater waste to let the fruit rot. The fruit from trees and vines so carefully planted and tended by my parents, grandparents and everyone else before them. They worked hard for my generation and now it's my turn.
What shall I dream for my children? I must start building and investing into it now. All my choices from today can either count for something or end up like the shrivelled vegetation on our balcony. I much prefer the former.
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