What do you want more?

While with Angela this morning, I mentioned a couple of the points raised in my previous post, in relation to choices. She then said something that got me thinking further. "I think God is asking me what I want more." I was telling her the answer is sometimes not what we expect because we cannot contain God in a box. It's pretty common for us to think that the purpose behind every step is a grand plan. Why did she enrol in Bible College? Is the answer "To grow in her relationship with God and in leadership by being equipped?" Perhaps, in part. But Angela began to realise it may simply be a time of stretching so she cultivates discipline and focus, as she found herself growing distant from God instead.  

I've had my mind and heart set on knowing what I should be and getting that perfect job, so much so it has clouded my ability to see the real reason for this season. I could have it all if I work hard, but where is God in the picture? Have I stuffed Him in at the last minute for good measure? With all the choices available, do I want God more? Is He more important than knowing who I'm supposed to be and what course to take and what job to apply for? Do I desire intimacy with Him above answers to what is happening in the world and questions of my identity? Sadly, I have been longing for joy and fulfilment through financial stability, material comforts and relationships with people instead of through Him first and foremost.

What would I truly possess even if I did have it all but God was not my central focus? It would all come to nothing. I've been approaching this the wrong way. God's promises are attractive but am I willing to seek His heart fully in the daily grind? I tend to be impatient but promises like that don't come to pass overnight. It takes character development and change. It takes discipline to set time with God aside before proceeding with the rest of my day, everyday, even when I "don't feel like it". It takes faith to keep believing even when I don't see the results. It takes preparation so I can grab the opportunity when it presents itself. 

I've been longing for what God can do for my life more than I've been longing for God. I've forgotten what His presence really feels like. Sure there are glimpses of it now and then, moments of revelation and occasions where He grants me anointing out of grace. But where does He stand in my heart? Is He my father, Lord and friend or vending machine, punching bag and Santa Claus? 

Who and what is more important to you?